- Anton Jackson: Excuse me, your majesty. As you can see, I do not have any representation. I tried calling Jacoby & Meyers, but they wanted a retainer, and I wasn't about to give up my jockstrap to nobody. So, I'd like to act as my own executioner on this here case.
- Redd Foxx: Hello Quasimodo, I need some welfare for my son.
- Aunt Esther: How did you get such a cute child, you old fish-bellied heathen?
- Redd Foxx: Don't touch him! He's allergic to animals.
- Aunt Esther: Something's fishy about this.
- Redd Foxx: You're smelling yo upper lip. Gimme the check, Godzilla.
- Anton Jackson: Objection, you honor! That's pure conjecture!
- Judge Wapner: Sustained
- Anton Jackson: [to audience] I'm just as surprised as you.