Dial M for Middlesbrough (2019 TV Movie) User Reviews

Silly fun for Christmas.

[Sleepin_Dragon · 6/10 · 17 December 2019]

Two bodies and a caravan park full of wierdos.

After the two previous episodes I was looking forward to it, it continues the trend of smut, nonsense, pure stupidity and murder.

Don't expect an Agatha Christie or a Carry on Film, but there was an effort to find something in the middle. It is fun, but it's fun for this time of year, think panto season, think exaggerated over the top nonsense. If you take it for what it is, light hearted fluff you'll enjoy it, expect much and you'll be disappointed.

It boasts a wonderful cast, Jason Donovan adds a bit of star quality, but the standout for me was Joanna Page, she was lots of fun.

Seeing Annette Crosbie was enough for me to enjoy it. 6/10

Disappointing.

[Proper_Penguin · 5/10 · 14 October 2021]

I really like Johnny Vegas (Ideal) and Sian Gibson (Car Share) and did actually like their previous two outings as a crime solving duo. This one really left me feeling underrated though. I think if I were to read the script on paper, I would have found some of the dialogue and scenarios pretty funny and no doubt I'm sure the cast had a laugh whilst filming it. But something about the way it was ultimately transcribed to screen has somehow really sucked the humour out of it. This is strange since it was directed by Ed Bye who has done some fantastic stuff with Red Dwarf.

My general gripe is the way the dialogue just seems to be a cascade of gags which fail to hit the mark more often than not, but do very much succeed in clawing you out of any moment you feel like you might actually be engaging with the plot. You end up with a general apathy from being forced to find the comedic side in every situation, even a grizzly murderous rampage. Gemma's character came across as more of a two-dimensional annoyance to Terry's constant miffed persona more than anything else. I found myself willing for her to be the next victim quite often, just for some peace from her relentless inane commentary and overacting.

The scenes between her and Terry stretch the absurd to further inject more relentless comedy, but unfortunately this sacrifices the chemistry they used to have on screen and makes their pairing seem even more unrealistic. You end up yearning for a bit of real non-shock value dialogue to ground the story line and it just isn't there.

Instead you just get character after character, pushing every line they've been given to the extreme as if somehow trying to showcase their resume. The story struggles to move on in a cohesive manner when you just have a collection of acting cameos that are nothing but escalating performances of nonsense jigsawed together. This might have been better reserved for Panto as it certainly doesn't work for me as a TV Viewer.

Perhaps it's me

[fountains-40130 · 7/10 · 20 December 2019]

Perhaps it's me but, in all honesty, this made me laugh out loud. Murder by swing ball and seeing Jason Donovan getting hit by French Boule, what more could you want?

I love this series and I think this is the best one yet

Alright for a bit of non-taxing fun

[geordie_exile · 6/10 · 28 December 2020]

Funny enough to pass 90 minutes without taxing your brain. Not as funny as the Death on the Tyne episode.

Plot OK . The rest?

[colinrogers1 · 4/10 · 18 July 2023]

Yes the plot and outcome are OK. The journey there is sadly so bland and innocuous, I found myself doing that modern thing of making a distraction by browsing about on my phone, using this "comedy-drama" as background noise. It was laboured and lacking any really rich dialogue. Heavy use of backing music and eternal editing. Ed Bye, still a great director, must consider this a low career point, as I'm sure a lot of the acting talent felt too. Johnny Vegas and Sian Gibson anchor it OK but they visually struggle to keep this entertaining. I've seen the offerings in this occasional series ( Draper Tours) of whodunnits from writer Jason Cook, who must have signed a lucrative deal to really get these passed for broadcasting. The highlight was Jason Donovan who (ironically for me) was the stand out of all the characters. Annette Crosbie can do no wrong too. The real mistake is that it feels it's made as a theatre farce. Over acted and loud with pregnant pauses as if waiting for the audience to laugh or applaud. Unfortunately, not many of us did.

Entertaining, with a good cast

[Milk_Tray_Guy · 7/10 · 10 August 2023]

This horror-mystery comedy sequel to Murder on the Blackpool Express (2017) and Death on the Tyne (2018) takes imagery from umpteen horrors and whodunnits, and gives it all a pretty good comic spin. I suppose a reasonable description would be 'Cluedo meets I Know What You Did Last Summer'. We're treated to plenty of familiar UK TV comedic and dramatic actors - often playing against type (standouts are the wonderful Phil Davies, Annette Crosbie, Jason Donovan (beautifully parodying his real life persona), Sian Gibson, and the irrepressible Johnny Vegas). The whole cast look like they're having a ball, sending up just about every slasher trope you can think of - including increasingly ludicrous amounts of blood 'n' guts. At an hour and a half it's long enough to do justice to the idea without overstaying its welcome. Like most straight horror films and thrillers it's at its most entertaining when you don't know the answer to the mystery, but the solution is a funny (and unexpected) one. 7/10.

Wasted great cast on unfunny comedy

[cynet-52332 · 1/10 · 19 December 2021]

Great cast but oh my the story was written by a 12 year old bored with their English assignment. Dull story and dull laughter.

Avoid this non laugh out loud rubbish TV movie. It makes the 70's confession movies look like a Hollywood production.

Worst of the 3

[classicrun · 3/10 · 14 July 2021]

The other 2 were pleasant distractions but this just wasn't. I think I missed the crazy old people that are usually on the bus. This was mostly the 2 of them and a new cast of extras that I didn't find funny at all.

Hilarious

[RAnnQ7 · 10/10 · 11 December 2021]

I really enjoy these movies they are pleasantly entertaining and diverting to watch. The characters in these comedy mystery movies are very refreshing and hilarious. It's a nice twist for these cozy murder mysteries on different transportraion and forms of travel. The next one they do should be on a train.

Appallingly Awful

[colacurto · 1/10 · 7 May 2020]

I watched about half of it, I couldn't stand any more. The script, plot and much of the acting is absolutely awful, watching paint dry is preferable to watching this. Calling it a comedy surely must be a violation of the Trade Descriptions Act. Do yourself a favour and do almost anything other than wasting 90 mins of your life on this.

Dial M for Moronic

[greencrest · 2/10 · 21 December 2019]

There are some good actors here, but they don't stand a chance in this under-rehearsed moronic drivel. The whole thing is desperately unfunny. There is far too much quick cutting, which means the director fails to capitalise on his one plus point; the performances.

Highly amateurish, Dial M for Middlesbrough is a abject failure.

One of the worst things I've ever watched

[markfoster30 · 1/10 · 7 August 2021]

First two in the series were ok This is utter utter tripe.

Dial M For Meh!!

[Stevieboy666 · 2/10 · 6 August 2023]

I recorded this off the BBC in the hope that it would be both gruesome and funny, I even made it my prime Saturday night viewing - what a disappointment! The opening scene has a female bird watcher (or twitcher") get killed by an unknown killer in slasher movie fashion, I thought that this was a good start. A couple who run a coach firm breakdown and get stuck at Shady Creek Caravan Park (members only), a place inhabited by some very weird people. There is an elderly fortune teller who believes that the spirit of her dead husband is present in her pet tortoise! Former "Neighbours" star and pop singer Jason Donovan is another very peculiar resident, and we get the token American, complete with bad fake accent. This is a British made for TV movie, set in the North of England, however a shot of TV news footage showing local flooding has cars and roads that are clearly not British (not good). The "comical" script features plenty of sexism and toilet humour, didn't bother me but it may upset some more "sensitive" viewers, for example "I'll give you the keys Terry, save the little lady from losing them". Johnny Vegas is a comedian who can be funny in small doses but he's no actor and whatever he appears in he will always be Johnny Vegas. The rest of the cast were a mixed bag in terms of acting ability but generally the standard was poor. Horror comedy is a hard genre to get right but sadly this is a failure.

Painful

[riggo-73503 · 2/10 · 17 December 2019]

Over acting panto time but no essence of comedy

Avoid or think of 2hrs of life you'll never get back

Awful

[terencemorris · 1/10 · 1 January 2020]

This has to go down as one of the worst TV made films of all time the story was awful from start to finish The acting was like watching The actors who try to act on EastEnders I hope Gold TV don't come up with another one this year and if they do then they should take a leaf out of Agatha Christie and let it be called and " then there were none" where each of the actors are Murder So we will never have them reappear in something else.

Pitiful

[jonathan_pickett · 4/10 · 22 December 2019]

For three years I've tried hard to like these 'murder mysteries'. Some decent actors struggle with awful scripts and dreadful plots. You soon couldn't care less who is the murderer and just want it all to finish. Few if any, redeeming features. Comparisons with Carry On films or similar are well wide of the mark. These make Carry on Columbus look funny and this is by far the worst of that canon. Pitiful in the extreme.

Dial M for Middlesbrough

[Prismark10 · 3/10 · 16 December 2019]

After the feeble Death on the Tyne. Draper's tour operators Terry (Johnny Vegas) and Gemma (Sian Gibson) return in another disappointing and overlong instalment.

On the way to Middlesborough, the coach breaks down at a dismal down in the dumps caravan park, a place where Gemma once had a holiday of a lifetime.

Pretty soon they stumble across people getting murdered in some sadistic ways.

The site owner is hoping that the land is designated as a nesting site for some rare birds which means he does not have to sell it to H from Steps.

Jason Donovan plays a sleazy entertainments manager who once had a thing for Gemma.

It is a combination of comedy and gruesome deaths. One person gets spiked by a swingball, Terry finds a finger in some soup he had and there is even a hit man wandering about.

The best joke was Terry wanting to have a classy wedding with Gemma and lay on a gravy fountain with vegetables. It was the only decent gag in the whole thing.