Confessions of a Shopaholic (2009)

Isla Fisher: Rebecca Bloomwood

Photos 

Quotes 

• Rebecca Bloomwood : A man will never love you or treat you as well as a store. If a man doesn't fit, you can't exchange him seven days later for a gorgeous cashmere sweater. And a store always smells good. A store can awaken a lust for things you never even knew you needed. And when your fingers first grasp those shiny, new bags... oh yes... oh yes.

• Rebecca Bloomwood : They said I was a valued customer. Now they send me hate mail.

• Rebecca Bloomwood : Well, these cashmere gloves I *need* as it is winter, and I have... Hands.

• Rebecca Bloomwood : You speak Prada?

• Suze : Bex, I just found the perfect book for you.

  Garret E. Barton : Control Your Urge to Shop, with Garrett E. Barton. That's me. Do you find yourself constantly drawn toward stores?

  Suze : Yes.

  Rebecca Bloomwood : Nope.

  Garret E. Barton : Does your heart quicken when you see new merchandise in neatly stacked piles?

  Suze : Yes!

  Rebecca Bloomwood : no.

  Suze : this guy's good!

  Garret E. Barton : Did you answer "no" to these questions and are consequently in denial?

  Suze : yes.

  Rebecca Bloomwood : NO.

  Garret E. Barton : Did you just say "no" again?

  Rebecca Bloomwood : no...

  Rebecca Bloomwood : yes...

• Tarquin : Why do so many of your excuses involve Finland?

  Rebecca Bloomwood : Because nobody checks up on Finland,Tarkie.

• Rebecca Bloomwood : Yes, I Googled.

• Rebecca Bloomwood : Don't talk about Fluke.

  Suze : Why? What happened?

  Rebecca Bloomwood : Alicia Bitch Longlegs is what happened.

  Suze : I hate her. Who is she?

• Rebecca Bloomwood : Men like you are the reason I left Finland.

• Suze : [Rebecca pushes away bills]  I'll do this. It can't be that bad. It's just like a band-aid. It's gonna be fine.

  [both gasp loudly] 

  Suze : Bex! Two hundred dollars on Marc Jacobs underwear?

  Rebecca Bloomwood : [pours the tequila]  Oh, underwear is a basic, human, right.

  Suze : Seventy eight dollars on lavender honey?

  Rebecca Bloomwood : I felt sorry for the shop assistant. She had a lazy eye. I didn't know which way she was looking! I didn't know if she was looking at me, it was so sad.

  Suze : I can't even talk about this one.

• Rebecca Bloomwood : When I shop, the world gets better, and the world is better, but then it's not, and I need to do it again.

• Rebecca Bloomwood : When I was 7 most of my friends stopped believing in magic. That's when I first started. They were beautiful, they were happy. They didn't even need any money, they had magic cards.

• Luke Brandon : Any financial stories that have caught your eye recently?

  Rebecca Bloomwood : Yes. And I am glad you brought that up.

  [Acts mad] 

  Rebecca Bloomwood : Because I am furious. No, I really am.

  [Looks down at a newspaper folded in half with article title cut off] 

  Rebecca Bloomwood : No, I mean, what is the story with the recent fish crisis?

  Luke Brandon : [Looks at her confused]  Fish crisis?

  Rebecca Bloomwood : [Realizes she made a mistake]  Fiscal... crisis.

  Luke Brandon : Fiscal crisis.

  Rebecca Bloomwood : Terrifying, Fiscally, I mean.

  Luke Brandon : How so?

  Rebecca Bloomwood : For the... fiscal family.

  Hayley : [Interrupts their conversation]  I'm sorry

  Luke Brandon : Not a moment too soon.

• Rebecca Bloomwood : You know that thing when you see someone cute and he smiles and your heart kind of goes like warm butter sliding down hot toast? Well that's what it's like when I see a store. Only it's better.

• Denny & George Clerk : Declined.

  Rebecca Bloomwood : Can you try again?

  Denny & George Clerk : Really Declined.

• Alette Naylor : You will make your column personal.

  Rebecca Bloomwood : Mm-hmm.

  Alette Naylor : [takes one shoe from a shoe box found next to her, on the table she's sitting at]  You will take a piece from your own wardrobe, like this for example. This is very pretty.

  Graham Bloomwood : They're swell.

  Alette Naylor : This season, I believe.

  Rebecca Bloomwood : Um, well, they are Louboutins, so, I mean, well, they're not affordable fashion.

  Alette Naylor : Fear not, Chez Alette, we print the prices very small. Ha-ha! Ha-ha! Ha-ha! And after all, what are credit cards for, huh? You must know that.

  Rebecca Bloomwood : Yeah, wow. Yeah, no, I, um... I know all about credit cards. And final notices, and debt collectors. Um, they should print that in the fashion magazines. Right?

  Jane Bloomwood : Mm-hmm.

  Alette Naylor : Ahh... Rebecca, you have a moral conscience. But if you want to work for my magazine...

  Rebecca Bloomwood : No, no, I really... I wanna work at Alette.

  Graham Bloomwood : What's the matter, baby?

  Rebecca Bloomwood : I just, I have that really annoying feeling in the pit of my stomach. You know that, that feeling when...?

  Jane Bloomwood : Yes, yes, yes. I get it... I get it in the back of my head.

  Rebecca Bloomwood : Yeah, when... You know what I mean?

  Jane Bloomwood : You wanna do something, but you sort of feel like you shouldn't?

  Rebecca Bloomwood : That's it!

  Graham Bloomwood : I get heartburn.

  Rebecca Bloomwood : I just... I have made so many mistakes, and I feel like taking this job would be another one.

  Alette Naylor : Before you make your decision, you should know this. When I leave this house, the opportunity leave with me.

  Rebecca Bloomwood : Well, then you should both go.

  Alette Naylor : C'est la vie.

• Suze : Fluent in Finnish?

  Rebecca Bloomwood : Everyone has fudged their resume a little.

• Rebecca Bloomwood : You are like my soul sister!

• Rebecca Bloomwood : And all I would say, is that you never hear anyone say, "There goes a zebra with a small ass."

• Rebecca Bloomwood : I know I've made some mistakes, but I"m turning my life around.

• Rebecca Bloomwood : [to her potential employer]  I can do affordable fashion. I mean, I know where all the sales are.

  Jane Bloomwood : Yes, she does. Oh, in fact she got that from me.

  Rebecca Bloomwood : [laughing hysterically]  No, I didn't. I didn't. I didn't, I didn't, I didn't.

• Alette Naylor : Your column will be 'Affordable Fashion.' 500 words, once a month... Welcome to Alette.

  Rebecca Bloomwood : I can do affordable fashion! I mean, I know where all the sales are!

  Jane Bloomwood : [interrupting]  Yes she does, oh! In fact, she got that from me!

  Rebecca Bloomwood : [laughing]  I didn't, I didn't! No, I didn't, I didn't, I didn't...