- [the family runs into the house and find Plopper the Pig sitting on the couch. The family sits down and Homer happily cradles him]
- Homer Simpson: My summer love.
- Plopper: Oink.
- Mr. Burns: You saved my life. There must be something I can do for you.
- Homer's Brain: A cookie! No, a car! No, a cookie!
- Mr. Burns: You're getting a free dinner...
- Homer Simpson: Gasp!
- Mr. Burns: ...with...
- Homer Simpson: Yeah?
- Mr. Burns: ...me!
- Homer Simpson: Me? But that's you!
- Homer Simpson: [after giving the pilot the money] Sempher Fudge.
- Pilot: Did you just say Sempher Fudge?
- Homer Simpson: No I said the right thing.
- Pilot #1: [after the plane has entered turbulence] I didn't think I would be flying today, so I was doing heroin.
- Homer Simpson: I don't need a shrink, therapist, consultant or motivational speaker.
- Colby Krause: I'm a life coach.
- Homer Simpson: Ooh, tell me more.
- Marge Simpson: What are you doing? You don't know how to fly a plane!
- Homer Simpson: I once drove a car off a cliff. How hard can it be? Hmm, what's the ocean doing up in the sky?
- Homer Simpson: Oh, what's the point of putting on my socks? I'd just have to take them off again a week later.
- Waylon Smithers: But what happened to that mini phone I gave you, sir?
- Mr. Burns: That was a phone? I thought it was a lemon drop.
- [Burns' belly starts to vibrate]
- Waylon Smithers: I'll get your last listed number.
- Marge Simpson: You smell like Chicago. Did you go there in a commercial plane?
- Homer Simpson: No way! Commercial planes are for losers and terrorists. I went in a private plane.
- Marge Simpson: Was there any difference?
- Homer Simpson: Are you kidding? It's the difference between champagne and carbonated pee.
- Duff Man: Duff Man, has reported you, to the FAA! This, near miss, will be investigated by a panel, of three, retired, pilots. Oh yeah!
- Milhouse van Houten: Principal Skinner, why did we have to leave the Touch and Learn Reptile House so early?
- Principal Seymour Skinner: Well, it seems someone was riding the giant tortoise naked.
- Otto: It's not my fault. The drinking fountain dared me to do it.
- Colby Krause: You have what made America great: no understanding of the limits of your power, and a complete lack of concern for what anyone thinks of you.