- Selma Bouvier: Got a cigarette?
- Patty Bouvier: Not since we moved to Disney.
- [They both put on Mickey Mouse hats]
- Montgomery Burns: [Speaking to Smithers] You have the gall to call me Monty? Just because you chew my food, you think we're on a first name basis?
- Mr. Burns: I just love champagne that's been in space, don't you? Now, listen to me, your friends don't give a whit about you.
- Professor Frink: That is not true! Those guys are my best buddies! Fatso and Drunky and the evil bartender there.
- Mr. Burns: Well, think about this, Professor. The curse of wealth is that you will never, ever again know if anyone truly likes you.
- Lisa Simpson: Don't worry about what Mr. Burns says. He's a vicious old viper who knows nothing of the human heart.
- Professor Frink: Oh, and you do?
- Lisa Simpson: Well, I've seen a lot for an eight-year-old. My parents have split up nearly a thousand times, my brother is a scab on society's knee, and every time I get a pony or make a friend, they get the hell out of town.
- Professor Frink: Wow, you have lived quite a life.
- Lisa Simpson: Yeah, it's not all bad. I had a jazz friend. Who died.