- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: I'm surprised you could understand him, Ziva. He spoke perfect English.
- Officer Ziva David: You're xenophobic!
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: I am not Xena-phobic! It's one of my favorite shows: leather skirts, lesbian sword fighting, female empowerment. Maybe I'm a little... Ziva-phobic.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [smacked in the head yet again by Gibbs] You know, repeated trauma to the head can cause brain damage.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: Explains a lot.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Is this side of my head bigger?
- Officer Ziva David: Yes, but so is the other side.
- Officer Ziva David: Do you see what I see?
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Crazy Israeli chick with impulse issues?
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [at a crime scene] That lipstick on your collar, McGee?
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: [embarrassed] Uh... well...
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Good for you, Tim. Good for you. Just don't ever get married.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: How long have you been in this country?
- Officer Ziva David: Why?
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Well, you've never heard of gypsy cabs, you don't use contractions. Assimilate already.
- Officer Ziva David: [confused] What are contraptions?
- Officer Ziva David: [On phone] No, no, no, it's not you, it's just... well, you know, these things run their course and... well, you, you must accept that...
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Personal call, David?
- Officer Ziva David: Yes. Go away.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Somebody being dumped?
- Officer Ziva David: [Covers mouthpiece] How do you tell someone you no longer want to see them?
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Easy.
- [Takes phone]
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Listen, Dirtbag, this is Ziva's husband. I have your phone number now. I can find your address. If you ever try to contact her again, I will reach down your throat, grab your intestines, rip them out and drive over your head. Lose this number or lose your life.
- [Hangs up]
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: You're welcome.
- Officer Ziva David: That was my Aunt Nettie from Tel Aviv. She was trying to stop seeing her 86-year-old mahjong partner.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Why didn't you stop me?
- Officer Ziva David: Too stunned.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Where do I send flowers?
- Officer Ziva David: If you communicate with her again, I will kill you.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [as McGee is explaining what he's doing on the computer] Less narration, McGee.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: Tracing.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [to Ziva, as McGee's fingers continue to fly on the computer keyboard] Look at that. It's incredible. Probie's lips are still moving - while he's working! It's like one of those Romanian orphans who can't stop rocking.
- Officer Ziva David: You are so prejudiced.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: I am not. I'm not! By the way, that's a contraction. *I'm.* You should try it sometime.
- Abby Sciuto: My meter is running full blast, Gibbs
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Relax Abs, I think you just solved the case.
- Abby Sciuto: I did?
- [as she turns to Ziva]
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [Gibbs walks into squad room] Meters?
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: -a form of measurement used extensively in Europe.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Taxi meters, DiNozzo
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Take my money, take my money, take my money. Give me my candy.
- [Hits vending machine when it rejects the wrinkled note]
- Officer Ziva David: You cannot buck the system, Tony.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Trade bucks with me?
- [Ziva hands over a stack of coins in exchange for the wrinkled note]
- Officer Ziva David: If you stop forcing things, they will come to you.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Thank you, Obi-Wan.
- Officer Ziva David: Why don't you like immigrants?
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: What? My great-grandparents came through Ellis Island. Not the first class lounge at El Al.
- Officer Ziva David: I came here in the jump seat of a C-130 with turbulence.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Whatever. My point is, you're here on a weekend fun pass. I'm the immigrant. My family came here with nothing. Just loads of charm, talent and great looks. My great-grandfather drove a truck for $2 a day. Took him 20 years to start his own transportation company. And now their great-grandson is an NCIS agent. So don't tell me about the immigrant experience. Until you are one.
- Officer Ziva David: Any of that true?
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Parts.
- [Takes a bite of the candy bar, then shows her his teeth]
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Is this stuck in my teeth.
- Officer Ziva David: Nothing sticks to you.
- [Uses the wrinkled note and it works]
- Officer Ziva David: Do you ever think about soul mates?
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: They were on Decca, right? Big hit mid-'70s. Sort of a disco thing. Sing a few bars, I'll get it.
- Officer Ziva David: You'll never get it.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: Abby, what am I gonna do? I'm nuts for this girl... and she's just nuts.
- [McGee enters the squad room wearing his sunglasses]
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Wait a second. I recognize that look. You had sex, and I'm guessing it was with a girl.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: No.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: No, it wasn't a girl?
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: No, it's none of your business.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: If the probie was probing last night, I demand details.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: [takes off his sunglasses] Actually, it was this morning. And it wasn't sex, it was coffee. And it was *good*.
- Chuck Bayliss: Look, all I know is that the guy worked his ass off, okay? He never invited me to his house, so I don't know where he lives. I just can't help you out.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Listen, dude, every dispatcher knows every driver and everything about them. So...
- [He grabs Bayliss's microphone and switches it on]
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [over speaker] I could have the Taxi Commission come down here and talk to you guys, 'cause I know they'd like to meet *each* and *every* one of you, and...
- [several drivers look up, alarmed]
- Chuck Bayliss: Wait, whoa, whoa, whoa, look, okay! The Burundi drivers, they hang out at a little cafe on 18th Street, Northwest.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [hands the microphone back] Little tip: lime juice. It cuts that just-barfed-on, backseat smell.
- [about the patrons of the Burundi cafe]
- Delphin Abaka: You must forgive them. Where they come from, agents of the government seldom bring good news.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Well, we have questions.
- Delphin Abaka: Even worse.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: What's his real name?
- Delphin Abaka: I don't know. We keep secrets, because secrets keep us alive.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: We don't put people in jail for cooperating, but we do put them in jail for not cooperating.
- Officer Ziva David: Tony...
- Delphin Abaka: [scoffs] I have been tortured in prison. I am not afraid of your legal system.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Dinozzo, put them up.
- [Their findings on the plasma screen]
- Officer Ziva David: All three were shot with a nine-millimeter. And all three autopsies showed a tooth missing.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [to Dinozzo] Enlarge the photos.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [Types furiously] Ah.
- [Groaning]
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Ah.
- [Screen glitches]
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Oh. Come on. Tell me you didn't just lose all that information.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [Whispers] McGee!
- [McGee walks over to Dinozzo's computer]
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: I hit the space bar.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: Just push the buttons I tell you to push, monkey.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Love is not treating you well, my friend.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: Yeah, no kidding.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Those real?
- [Looking at Taxi ID's in a lock box]
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: No. Fakes. But they're really good fakes. Guy's a regular cab coyote.
- Officer Ziva David: Is that like a wolf in sheep's clothing?
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: A coyote is a person who exploits people that come to this country illegally.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [to Ziva] As opposed to outsourcing, which is what you are.