The Slammin' Salmon (2009)
Erik Stolhanske: Guy
Quotes
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Cleon Salmon : Who is Guy... Meatdrapes? What kind of name is that?
Guy : It's, um, it's Metdrapedes, sir. It's Greek.
Cleon Salmon : I think you're pronouncing it wrong. This says Meatdrapes.
Guy : It's actually pronounced Metdrapedes.
Cleon Salmon : Well, why doesn't it sound like that when I say it? Meatdrapes.
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Cleon Salmon : Well, if a trip to the Bahamas ain't gonna get the molasses out your asses, maybe $10,000 will do the trick. That's right, new prize. Top waiter leaves here tonight with ten grand in his pocket. You know what ten grand feels like in your pocket? It feels like a third cock.
Guy : Ha! Jesus, how many cocks you got, Champ?
Cleon Salmon : Are you lampooning me, Meatdrapes?
Guy : Of course not, sir.
Cleon Salmon : Do you want a punch in the eye, Guy?
Guy : No, please.
Cleon Salmon : I can make your face look like a pie, Guy.
Guy : Oh God, no.
Cleon Salmon : [the Champ throws several feints at Guy's face, then accidentally punches him in the stomach] Excuse me, I didn't mean to do that.
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The John : I am gonna stuff it in your ass tonight.
The Escort : Whoa, that's gonna be an extra fifty bucks.
The John : That's okay, shellfish makes me horny.
The Escort : Good, 'cause I got crabs.
The John : [scratches beard] Who doesn't?
Guy : Excuse me, sir?
[presents bottle of champagne]
Guy : Compliments of the house.
[customers cheer and applaud]
The John : [looking around] What is this, some kind of hidden camera thing? Are you miked?
The Escort : [taking offense] Are you miked?
The John : [addresses customers] I was just kidding about the anal.
[customers gasp]
The John : I was just bored at the hotel. I was looking for something to do with my cock. Perfectly natch. Come on, take a look at her, you wouldn't kick in that back door?
The Escort : I'm not ashamed.
The John : Fuck this!
