Psych (TV Series)
There's Something About Mira (2008)
James Roday Rodriguez: Shawn Spencer
Photos
Quotes
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Juliet O'Hara : Lassiter is just being a child about his detective exam score!
Shawn Spencer : Wait, the D.E.T.? I took that when I was fifteen. I got 100.
Carlton Lassiter : I'm sorry... you said you got a perfect score?
Shawn Spencer : Yeah.
Juliet O'Hara : And you were fifteen?
Shawn Spencer : Yeah. Why, what did you guys get?
[beat]
Carlton Lassiter : You know, it's probably changed a lot since then. You can't really compare it.
Juliet O'Hara : Oh, apples and oranges.
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Shawn Spencer : Brace yourself. Jann doesn't actually exist.
Burton 'Gus' Guster : What?
Shawn Spencer : Fact: There is no record of Jann Angland, buyer of fine wines and food, on the internet anywhere. I did find a Jeff Angland. He's an albino with a website dedicated to "Short Circuit".
Burton 'Gus' Guster : You put us on the e-mail list?
Shawn Spencer : That's a given.
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Mira Gaffney : It's Gus's fault, really. Ever since what happened between he and I, my parents have been skeptical of every guy I've been with: Andy, Amir, Guru Anupam, Gay Andy, Anthony...
Shawn Spencer : Does Gay Andy know you call him that?
Mira Gaffney : He gave himself that name.
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[to a private investigator who has very obviously been following them]
Shawn Spencer : If I might give you a little criticism, I don't think you've quite mastered the "private" part. Of course, if you were going for "most obvious" detective... nailed it!
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Burton 'Gus' Guster : You already wrote my eulogy?
Shawn Spencer : I don't remember that.
Burton 'Gus' Guster : [reading] "Gus is survived by his best friend Shawn Spencer and twelve cats."
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Burton 'Gus' Guster : I don't know if I can control myself around her, so you have to promise you'll stop me from getting sucked into Hurricane Mira again.
Shawn Spencer : Just call me the Suck Stopper.
[pause]
Shawn Spencer : Scratch that, don't... don't ever call me that.
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Mrs. Gaffney : You know, Shawn, I have very fine taste, and I like my wine, like I like my men: white and hairy.
Shawn Spencer : That doesn't make any sense. None whatsoever.
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Mrs. Gaffney : Take a sip before I finish the bottle.
[Shawn takes a sip, then spits it out]
Shawn Spencer : That's... that's disgusting.
Mrs. Gaffney : That's a thirty thousand dollar bottle of Spanish sherry.
[Shawn reluctantly takes another sip]
Shawn Spencer : [strained] Mmm... it's good.
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Shawn Spencer : [picks up a bottle] The wine is named Mira.
Burton 'Gus' Guster : Maybe they name a wine after all their employees.
Shawn Spencer : Remind me to grab a bottle of Leonard on the way out.
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[looking at a photo of Gus's Mexican wedding]
Shawn Spencer : And your best man was a goat? I was supposed to be that goat!
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Shawn Spencer : [voiceover] Dude, skydiving is one thing, but how did she get you to marry her?
Burton 'Gus' Guster : [voiceover] Three words. Three little words.
Mira Gaffney : Let's try Goldschlager!
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Shawn Spencer : Come on, man, we haven't played golf in forever. This is going to be fun. Plus, I promise to keep my "Caddyshack" references to a minimum.
[Shawn and Gus head to the first hole]
Shawn Spencer : Now I've heard this club is restricted, so, uh... don't tell them you're Jewish.
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Mira Gaffney : [lovingly] Sweet Gus...
Shawn Spencer : Yeah, he's pretty sweet, all right. His head is like a chocolate-covered honeydew.
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Karen Vick : How sure are you about this theory?
Shawn Spencer : Crystal.
[pause]
Shawn Spencer : That doesn't really work. Uh, very. Very sure.
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Shawn Spencer : [laughing] This guy! Talking about one of *us* being married! Could you even imagine that? Why aren't you laughing?
[Gus is quiet]
Shawn Spencer : [nervous] Why aren't you laughing?