- Chuck Bartowski: Can you tell me if the attractive brown-eyed, slightly egg-headed brunette with an extremely cold heart is still here?
- John Casey: [Chuck suggests that the antidote to the pathogen may be in his saliva, which he has to share with Casey by kissing him on the mouth] I served my country with honor, Bartowski. Please. Let me die with my dignity.
- Devon 'Captain Awesome' Woodcomb: [the employees at Buy More are fooling around with the CPR mannequins] Come on, guys. What's wrong with you?
- Jeff Barnes: I drink too much.
- Lester Patel: My parents had impossible standards.
- Morgan Grimes: Allow me between six and eight minutes to get in, grab the test and get out. Are you guys ready?
- Lester Patel: I was born ready.
- Jeff Barnes: I was born premature.
- Chuck Bartowski: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, a date with my ex? No, General, that-that is a terrible idea. You see, she broke my heart. She destroyed me. She took all of my confidence, my mojo!
- John Casey: You had mojo?
- Chuck Bartowski: I was on my way. Oh, and by the way, she slept with Bryce Larkin.
- John Casey: [Looks over towards Sarah] Hmm. Who hasn't?