Psych (TV Series)

The Greatest Adventure in the History of Basic Cable (2008)

James Roday Rodriguez: Shawn Spencer

Quotes 

• Karen Vick : Alright, Mr. Spencer, let me be frank.

  Shawn Spencer : As long as I can be Dean and Gus can be Sammy.

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : Why do I have to be Sammy?

  Shawn Spencer : Fine. *He's* Sammy. That makes you Joey Bishop. Is that what you really want, you want to be Joey Bishop?

  Juliet O'Hara : Shawn...

  Shawn Spencer : I'm sorry, Jules, but how often does someone set you up with "let me be frank?"

• Karen Vick : Now, Mr. Spencer...

  Shawn Spencer , Henry Spencer : Yes?

  Karen Vick : Oh, I meant the older... sorry, not "old", less...

  Shawn Spencer : Handsome? Less hair? Less friends on Facebook?

  Henry Spencer : Less nose?

  Shawn Spencer : Ooh!

• Shawn Spencer : [during his wrap up]  So that's why I called Andres "che," to see if he would react. Which he did. Because in Argentina "che" is slang for "buddy" or "pal." Sort of like I call you "black star" or "homeskillet" or "big baby Burton."

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : Don't ever call me Homeskillet.

• Juliet O'Hara : [completely exasperated]  Shawn! Don't forget that you are in a *lot* of trouble here, and I am probably the only person in this room who cares to see you get out of it. Now, it's 2:30 in the morning, we've been here for hours. Enough with the jokes, stop delaying, and tell us what we wanna hear!

  [Lassiter looks impressed] 

  Shawn Spencer : [quietly]  Oh my God, that was so hot.

• [first lines] 

  Henry Spencer : [in an interrogation room]  Don't say a word.

  Shawn Spencer : [pause]  Fergulous.

• Burton 'Gus' Guster : I can't believe we're actually digging for buried treasure.

  Shawn Spencer : I know, dude. And you're getting your pants totally dirty and you don't even care. I'm so proud of you.

• Shawn Spencer : You keep a stun gun in the birdhouse? What's under the garden gnome, an M-80?

  [Henry makes several gestures to Shawn] 

  Shawn Spencer : You...want me to poke you in the eyes on the roof?

• Shawn Spencer : [Shawn's party is confronted by Andres in a helicopter]  I know this probably isn't the right time to say this, but, Dude... I think we're gonna get to ride in a helicopter!

• Shawn Spencer : Well, I don't know where you guys went to Partner College, but I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to shoot at your partners.

  Mark Belleck : Yeah? Should partners do this?

  [punches Jack in the mouth] 

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : Maybe we shouldn't use the word "partners" anymore. It seems to make him mad.

• Shawn Spencer : [leaving a message on Henry's answering machine]  Hey, Dad. What's going on? Uh, I've got good news. Great news! The electric wrench you've been wanting is in stock at Home Depot. Uh, what else? I know there was something else. Oh! I know. If you're not too busy, Gus, Jack, and I are tied up in a cabin about 100 yard off Tunnel Road, right by where we had the pulled pork sandwiches that one time.

• Jack Spencer : I guess you are wondering why I came back. I want you to help me find Bouchard's treasure.

  Henry Spencer : Come on. Not that again, Jack. I hate to break it to you, little brother, but Bouchard's treasure does not, has not, and will not ever exist. It's a pipe dream.

  Shawn Spencer : Don't listen to him, Uncle Jack. He's a dream killer.

• Henry Spencer : We didn't do anything wrong. We didn't break any laws... Oh no. Oh no! What - what did you do, Shawn?

  Shawn Spencer : Nothing. It's just that laws keep changing. It's getting very challenging to keep up with them all.

• Shawn Spencer : If I were a French pirate with a bad temper and at least one venereal disease, where would I be looking?

• Karen Vick : All right, Mr. Spencer, let me be frank...

  Shawn Spencer : As long as I can be Dean and Gus can be Sammy.

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : Why do I have to be Sammy?

  Shawn Spencer : Fine he's Sammy. That makes you Joey Bishop. Is that what you really want? You wanna be Joey Bishop?

• Shawn Spencer : With some people I can communicate through psychic wavelengths. My father is one of them. Val Kilmer is another.

• Shawn Spencer : Don't I get a phone call or something?

  Carlton Lassiter : No.

  Shawn Spencer : Fine, how about a text message? I'll be quick. I just need to respond, "O-M-G, L-O-L!" Here's a question: how do you make the face that's winking with a tongue coming out one side?

• Andres : Hello, Mr. Spencer. I believe you know why you're here.

  Shawn Spencer : And I believe you know I know why I'm here. Now, why am I here?

• Henry Spencer : What are you doing here, besides breaking into my house?

  Jack Spencer : Breaking in? You gave me a key, Henry.

  Henry Spencer : I didn't give you a key. I don't give anyone keys, not even Shawn.

  Shawn Spencer : Oh, that's not true. I actually made a copy a while back. It was while I was hooked on Wow! Wow! Wobbzy! on Noggin. I didn't have cable. Oh, I also stole your toilet paper for about a year. And a hug box of sporks.

• Shawn Spencer : It's one of life's little mysteries, like why the Oxygen network airs 'Goodfellas' or 'Why Fools Fall in Love.'

• Shawn Spencer : [about his milkshake]  That is the best shake on the planet. One part ice cream, two parts awesome!

• Shawn Spencer : [after spotting a prowler, Gus rushes into the house with a garden hose]  Dude, a hose? Really? What were you going to do, give him a high colonic?