Psych (TV Series)

Disco Didn't Die. It Was Murdered! (2008)

James Roday Rodriguez: Shawn Spencer

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Quotes 

• Karen Vick : It goes without saying, Mr. Spencer, that your father is in no way to participate in this investigation. He's no longer on the force, and his meddling could compromise the case in court. Do I make myself clear?

  Shawn Spencer : Yes, you do, Chief. What isn't clear is why people always say, "It goes without saying", yet still feel compelled to say the thing that was supposed to go without saying. Doesn't that bother you?

  Karen Vick : No! And frankly, I could care less.

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : Now that's the one that bothers me. Why do people say, "I could care less", when they really mean, "I couldn't care less"?

  Karen Vick : Well, why don't you tell me how to properly say this: if you share any official information about this case with your father or let him anywhere near any new evidence, then the two of you will have to find another police department to work for and I will personally see to it that each of you is charged with obstruction of justice.

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : You split an infinitive.

  Shawn Spencer : Good catch, Gus.

  Karen Vick : You two realize I carry a gun, right?

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : That was perfectly elocuted.

• D.A. Assistant : May I help you?

  Shawn Spencer : Yes. My name is Shawn Spencer, I am the head psychic for the Santa Barbara Police Department. And that is my partner...

  Henry Spencer : [impatiently]  Yeah, yeah, that's his partner, Methuselah Honeysuckle, which makes me Old Scratch Johnson.

• Shawn Spencer : [Gus approaches a suspect's car while carrying a laser level]  Ooh! Better hope they're not uneven in there.

• Henry Spencer : I'm a taxpaying, voting citizen, therefore I have a right to speak to *any* elected official, such as the D.A., I please.

  Shawn Spencer : [to Gus]  You don't *have* to be a taxpaying, voting citizen, though, do you?

• Shawn Spencer : [to Henry]  All right, I need you to hear me, okay? If you insist on staying involved in this case, there are going to be rules. I was hired by the police department, therefore it is my ass on the line and those rules will be made by me. You are no longer a cop. And unless you plan on going back to the academy, and climbing the high wall, and doing the obstacle course where you shoot the bad guys but not the old lady with the sack, or the blind guy with the cane, or the cute little squirrel with the bushy tail and the big fat nut...

  [pause] 

  Shawn Spencer : It started off well.

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : It really fell apart at the end. You should have had a name for the wall or something.

• Shawn Spencer : [having a "vision"]  Ooh! I'm getting some serious jive, and it is fly!

• Burton 'Gus' Guster : Enough! I'm sick of you two fighting all the time. Look, Mr. Spencer, Shawn needs you on the case because, frankly, you're old, and we were barely even alive during the seventies. Shawn, your dad needs you on the case because even though you can be extremely annoying, you actually have a brilliant idea every now and then. But you're both too damn stubborn to admit that you need each other. Now, can we go, please? Thank you.

  [Gus gets in the car] 

  Henry Spencer : Is it he always such a know-it-all?

  Shawn Spencer : You don't know the half of it. Very preachy.

• Shawn Spencer : [having a "vision"]  Ooh, I am getting it, and it is a *bad* mother...

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : Shut your mouth!

• Shawn Spencer : I'm having a vision.

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : I can dig it.

  Shawn Spencer : [watching Henry try to pantomime a clue]  Ooh, it's a... it's a big birthday cake!

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : Ooh, make a wish... what?

• Carlton Lassiter : Spencer, I'd appreciate in the future if you just played with your own life.

  Shawn Spencer : Oh, come on, Lassie. If Derek hadn't caved, I would have just deactivated it myself. It's very easy. You just clip the red wire and the green wire at the same time.

  Juliet O'Hara : Uh, Shawn? There is no green wire.

  Shawn Spencer : Really? Huh. Well, in that case, we all would have died.

• Karen Vick : [sees the girl with Shawn]  I'm sorry, you are?

  Shawn Spencer : Ah, sorry, Chief. I got roped into doing a silly interview with "The Independence". They've been calling and begging for weeks and I finally relented.

  Reporter : But... but you called me.

• Shawn Spencer : [after revealing that a bomb was built in the lab they're in]  That's it. The jive is over. We should go before people explode.

• Shawn Spencer : [to Gus and Henry]  We'll have to take my motorcycle. I've always wanted to try threesies. Who wants the handlebars? Gus? Feels like you.

• Pawn Shop Owner : I'll have to go look through the box.

  [Leaves to get box] 

  Shawn Spencer : The box. What do you think the box is? A giant room like in Raiders?

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : I think it's a box.

  Shawn Spencer : Catacombs underneath the building like in National Treasure?

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : Shame on you for knowing that.

  Pawn Shop Owner : [Returning with box]  This is where we keep all the old unclaimed stuff from over the years.

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : As I said, a box.

  Shawn Spencer : What do you think's inside the box?

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : Will you calm down?

  Shawn Spencer : I can't, man, there's stuff in there! All kinds of stuff. Old stuff, shiny stuff, secret stuff! How come you're not as excited as I am?

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : Because I'm not a racoon.

  Shawn Spencer : You look like a racoon.

• Shawn Spencer : The "box"? What do you think the "box" is? A giant room, like in "Raiders"?

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : I think it's a box.

  Shawn Spencer : Or secret catacombs underneath the building, like in "National Treasure"?

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : Shame on you for knowing that.

• Shawn Spencer : All right, how much money do we have between us?

  Henry Spencer : What? Oh, uhhhh... I got - I think I've got about... fifty bucks.

  Shawn Spencer : Um-hmm.

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : I got about four hundred between my wallet and my sock.

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : [Shawn and Henry stare at Gus]  It's my "just in case" money!

  Shawn Spencer : All right. Add in what I have, and we've got about... four-fifty.

• Henry Spencer : [wants to see a case folder]  You're lucky I'm even asking you, Shawn. I could do this the simple way. I could grab it from you, clean up any evidence of a struggle before you and your little friend here knew what hit ya!

  Shawn Spencer : In some states, that's called child abuse.

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : I think all of them.

• Shawn Spencer : [about Henry]  It's funny. It's usually me who can't show their face in public.

• Shawn Spencer : [about Henry]  I think we have to convince him that we can't solve this thing without him.

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : How do we do that?

  Shawn Spencer : Most likely through the use of trickery.

• Derrick Ford : You sure your father doesn't want to come inside?

  Shawn Spencer : No. He's clinically insane. And a biter.

• Burton 'Gus' Guster : [sifting through the evidence archives of the SBPD]  Just think. The contents inside these boxes could determine whether someone spens the rest of their life in jail.

  Shawn Spencer : Catch.

  [tosses a hammer at Gus] 

  Shawn Spencer : Better hope they don't reopen the Handyman Killer case. Fingerprints are all over the murder weapon.

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : [drops the hammer]  That's not funny, Shawn!

  Shawn Spencer : Dude, I'm kidding. It's not really evidence. It was just lying here.

• Henry Spencer : So what kind of wood are we gonna use for these bookshelves, Gus?

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : Uhhh... cypress.

  Shawn Spencer : Cypress? Really?

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : It's a good wood. It's what Noah's Ark was made of.

• Shawn Spencer : [to Henry]  Ut-ut-ut. You stand down, Popeye Doyle, I'll handle this.