Going Postal (2010)

Tamsin Greig: Miss Cripslock

Quotes 

• Reacher Gilt : You see, the Clacks system works at the cutting edge of technology and in the white heat of progress, there are sometimes complications, but I can assure you, these are now all resolved.

  Miss Cripslock : Some people are saying...

  Reacher Gilt : [interrupting her]  And we will be providing refunds for any messages that have lost. All you have to do is fill in the claim form. But I do urge your readers not to do anything as rash as writing a letter and sending it by post.

  Miss Cripslock : Wouldn't you...

  Reacher Gilt : You might as well tear it up and scatter it to the four winds!

  Miss Cripslock : Mr Gilt, this claims form is 50 pages long.

  [It is clear from the expression on Gilt's face that he was hoping nobody would realize this] 

• Reacher Gilt : [after being accused of sending an assassin to take care of Von Lipwig]  You're such a fraud.

  Moist Von Lipwig : And you're such a murderer!

  [the crowd gasps] 

  Reacher Gilt : That is slander.

  [Addressing the crowd] 

  Reacher Gilt : This is a declaration of war!

  Miss Cripslock : Can I quote you on that?

  Moist Von Lipwig : If you want a quote, Miss Cripslock, try this - "Neither rain nor fire will stop the post!"

  Miss Cripslock : Very stirring. But his quote had 'war' in it.

• Moist Von Lipwig : [under his 'trance']  The Praying Man! It is here! The Praying Man, under the Praying Tree...

  Miss Cripslock : [looking extremely doubtful]  It looks like an elephant to me...

  [Everyone glares at her and there are cries of "Heretic!"] 

  Miss Cripslock : Well, um, now you mention it, I can definitely see a praying man...

• Miss Cripslock : Mr Gilt, today's increase in the price of clacks' messages is the fifth this year. Surely that is extortion.