The crew returns from a mission to find their quarters have been ransacked. McHale spots someone hiding under a couch and they find three boys, each approximately 10 years old, with a large bag full of the missing items. Among them is a nice fountain pen with the initials WBB on it. Mr. Parker actually asks the kids which one of them owns it-somehow oblivious to the obvious fact that it is Captain Binghamton's watch-his full name mentioned frequently.
Next thing you know, Binghamton is raiding the place with MPs, looking for his pen. Through some clever teamwork, Gruber is able to replace it in the inside pocket of Binghamton's coat, to the captain's embarrassment when he pulls the pen out a moment later.
Chuck gets the skipper to let him try to reform the boys, making them a version of boy scouts. I should point out that unlike most citizens of Voltafiore, the boys all speak very good English with only slight Italian accents, and they speak it so well, they even converse in English among themselves. I know.
All of Chuck's attempts lead to disaster, the biggest coming when he is trying to show them flag signals and he somehow only brought one of the two flags he wanted up from the hold of the 73. When he goes to retrieve the other, one of the boys launches a depth charge that explodes close to McHale and the crew. When the men emerge with their blackened faces and with holes in their uniforms, Parker covers for the boys by saying he launched the depth charge. As is too often the case, in "explaining" he launches a second one.
The boys are told to leave, and now McHale is hollering at Parker for being late for a meeting. Chuck looks at his watch and discovers it is running an hour behind. The boys, impressed at the way he lied for their benefit, decide to get him a new watch. They raid Binghamton's office and decide to take his ship's clock.
This immediately leads to Binghamton raiding McHale's place again. They see him coming and while Fuji takes off for his hiding place in the wine cellar, they (off camera) hide Binghamton's clock in a footlocker that Parker is found sitting on. One cannot help but wonder why they didn't just give the clock to Fuji to take away with him. Instead, while Binghamton is declaring he will turn the place inside out to find his precious clock, the clock sounds and he traces it to the box Parker is sitting on.
So Binghamton arrests them all, but instead of the brig, has them locked up in the town's old dungeon under city hall. The three boys used to play in there and they know how to push two large stones out of the wall to gain entrance.
McHale knows they can't just escape, but comes up with a plan to get them off the hook by having all of the truck full of stolen merchandise stashed in the captain's office-Binghamton has gone to get General Bronson for the court martial, of course. Just as the general and captain return to town, while the general is looking away, Binghamton glimpses McHale and Parker as they are running down the street going back to the dungeon. They reverse direction before the general can spot them. Of course, when Binghamton gets back to the dungeon he finds Elroy on guard duty and accuses him of sleeping on duty. Carpy says he hasn't and that no one has come through that door. They open it up and find everyone where they belong.
McHale gets the general to move the conversation to the captain's office, away from the enlisted men. When they arrive, the office is full of all sorts of items reported stolen, which leads to a long vacation for the captain, now thought to be a kleptomaniac.
I first point out that this episode is virtually another retread script with almost all of the same shenanigans used in the South Pacific, including Carpenter being accused of sleeping on guard duty when Binghamton has spotted his prisoners outside their cell, then returns to find Carpenter on guard duty. I think the difference here is that none of McHale's men stole anything this time.
As I've said in other reviews, I can handle Parker bumbling a bit, being a bit clumsy in small matters. But accidentally setting off a depth charge as he did is not a little thing. His foolishness in letting the boys tie him up in a first aid practice, and coming out with one flag to teach them flag signals, along with some verbal stupidity just prevent this episode from getting a high score.
Frankly, when the boys broke into Binghamton's office, I wondered how they figured to get a watch for Mr. Parker that way. They were actually looking in filing cabinets before they took the ship's clock. And how did they think Mr. Parker could use the clock instead of his watch? Furthermore, they had just seen the captain furious at the men for supposedly taking his pen. Surely, they would realize this big clock on the captain's desk would be missed and the captain would blame Parker and crew.
Binghamton comes across poorly as well. At one point, the frustrated general threatens to send him to Iceland-unless he can think of some place farther north. Yet Binghamton continues to rant about McHale and his "thieves" instead of just trying to do his job as captain. Of course, the notion that he would steal all these things, accuse McHale without proof, and simply stash things in his own office was nonsensical as well.
Overall, only a couple of chuckles and with a re-used plot and so much nonsense from Parker...I can't give this one a score higher than a 3. Definitely one to skip.
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