Breaking Bad (TV Series)

Better Call Saul (2009)

Bob Odenkirk: Saul Goodman

Photos 

Quotes 

• Saul Goodman : I'm gonna get you a second phone call, OK? You're gonna call your mommy or your daddy or your parish priest or your boy scout leader, and they're gonna deliver me a check for $4650.00. I'm gonna write that down on the back of my business card. Four, Six, Five, Zero, OK? And I need that in a cashiers check or a money order, doesn't matter. Actually, ah, I want it in a money order and ah, make it out to "Ice Station Zebra Associates." That's my loan out. It's totally legit... its done just for tax purposes. After that we can discuss Visa or Mastercard, but definitely not American Express, so don't even ask, alright? Any questions?

• Walter H. White : What are you offering me?

  Saul Goodman : What did Tom Hagen do for Vito Corleone?

  Walter H. White : I'm no Vito Corleone.

  Saul Goodman : No Shit! Right now you're Fredo!

• Saul Goodman : [Counseling Badger] 

  Saul Goodman : Alright, who do we have?

  Badger : Brandon Mayhew.

  Saul Goodman : "Brandon Mayhew." Alright. "Brandon Mayhew." Ahhhh, here we go; "public masturbation."

  Badger : What?

  Saul Goodman : I don't get it, what's the kick? Why doncha do it at home like the rest of us, with a big flat-screen TV, 50 channels of pay-per-view? In a Starbucks, that's nice!

  Badger : That ain't me, man! I was the guy selling meth... allegedly...

  Saul Goodman : [Flipping through files...] 

  Saul Goodman : Ok, alright, I gotcha. Meth, right? That was just a little transpositional error, nothin' a little white out can take care of.

• Saul Goodman : Faith and begorrah! A fellow potato eater! My real name's McGill. The Jew thing I just do for the homeboys. They all want a pipe-hitting member of the tribe, so to speak...

• Saul Goodman : Gentlemen, I sense you're discussing my client. Anything you care to share with me?

  Hank Schrader : Sure. Your commercials? They suck ass. I've seen better acting in an epileptic whorehouse.

  Saul Goodman : Is that like the one your mom works at? Uh, is she still offering the two-for-one discount? DEA, huh? For a street bust. Now, what would two feds want with that little twerp?

• Saul Goodman : Hey, Francesca, how about I follow you home?

  Francesca : No.

  Saul Goodman : For safety. What?

  [to himself, watching her leave] 

  Saul Goodman : God, you are killing me with that booty.

• Saul Goodman : Anything that gets the DEA's panties in this big a bunch, you're on to something special. And I would like to be a small and silent part of it. Food for thought, yeah? So if you wanna make more money and, uh, keep the money that you make... better call Saul!

• Getz : [Interrogating Badger]  Hey, I'm trying to help ya here, man. Now, if you just tell me who your supplier is, I think this can end very well for you.

  Saul Goodman : EHHHHH! Whaddya doin' Detective? What're you doin' talkin' to my client without me present? You Sneaky Pete! Which is which? What'd the academy hire you right outta the womb? You guys get younger every...

  Saul Goodman : [Turning to Badger] 

  Saul Goodman : What'd you say to Babyface? Huh? Didja say anything stupid? And by "anything stupid" I mean anything at all!

  Badger : I... I, uh...

  Saul Goodman : Ah, look at you, mouth open, vocal chords all atwitter! Yeah, we'll talk about that later!

  Saul Goodman : [Turns back to Getz] 

  Saul Goodman : Right now, you, OUT! TEN MINUTES AGO. There are laws, Detective, have your kindergarten teacher read 'em to ya! Right, go grab a juice box, have a nap, go on!

• Saul Goodman : Better safe than sorry. That's my motto.

• Saul Goodman : [on the phone with his assistant]  Yeah, but, Francesca, I took these already. Didn't I take these already? Okay. Look, it's on your head. You're not supposed to double up on Vitamin A, it's bad for the liver. Okay, who's next? Did him. I did him. Well, that one went public defender. Thanks for nothing. Hey, what happened to my masturbator, Francesca? You got me all turned around.

• Walter White : [pretending to be Badger's uncle]  If Brandon informs on this Heisenberg, I mean, what if, God forbid, that they decide to... take revenge?

  Saul Goodman : What have you been telling him? The kid keeps spouting off about "I-If I talk, they'll kill me," blah, blah, blah. You know, right now, he's the only thing holding up this deal.

  Walter White : [more to himself]  Good

  Saul Goodman : No, that's not good. That's terrible. Trust me, sir, your nephew won't last in prison two weeks, all right? You let him take his chances on the outside. Maybe I can work in some witness protection.

  Walter White : No, look, look. These are... are vicious, desperate people. I-I... I-I have been told that-that one of them killed another man by crushing his head with an ATM machine.

  Saul Goodman : [laughing]  People love to take credit for the fun ones. Yeah, the guy who got his head smooshed used to be a client of mine. His wife killed him, all right? It was open and shut. Trust me, you folks have nothing to worry about, okay? I'm gonna set your nephew straight, get him singing like a canary, all's right with the world.

  Walter White : $10,000.

  [having opened the door for Walt to leave, Saul shuts it again] 

  Walter White : 10,000, cash to you. I'm... I'm not saying to throw the case. Just no talking to the DEA.

  Walter White : Are you saying what I think you're saying?

  Walter White : Yes. What's it going to be?

• Saul Goodman : Oh, my god. You really are a chemistry teacher. Uh...

  [shutting the classroom door] 

  Saul Goodman : You mind? I was terrible at chemistry. I'm, uh, more of a humanities guy.

  Walter White : How did you find me?

  Saul Goodman : We should talk about that. It should be much, much harder for people to track you down. My P.I. charged me for three hours, so I seriously doubt it took him more than one.

  Walter White : So this is, what, blackmail?

  Saul Goodman : Walter, I'm your lawyer. Anything you say to me is totally privileged. It's... I'm not in the shakedown racket. I'm a lawyer. Even drug dealers need lawyers, right? Especially drug dealers.

  Walter White : So, what, you're just doing this out of the kindness of your heart?

  Saul Goodman : Oh, come on. Have you seen my hourly rate? Oh, by the way, where do you keep the money? Is it in your mattress? Is it in a jelly jar buried in the side yard, huh? You know, this kid Mayhew may be the first of your guys to get picked up, but he won't be the last. And if I can find you, how far behind can the cops be?

• Saul Goodman : Okay, you're now both officially represented by Saul Goodman and Associates. Your secrets are safe with me under threat of disbarment, all right? Take the ski mask off. I feel like I'm talking to the Weather Underground here.

  Walter White : Just do it.

  Saul Goodman : [Jesse reluctantly does so]  Okay, so if a prison shanking is completely off the table... and we're sure of that?

  Jesse Pinkman : [seeing Walt considering it]  No shanking!

  Saul Goodman : All right, all right. The way I see it is somebody's going to prison. It's just a matter of who.

• Saul Goodman : You got a grand total of two. Option A: Brandon takes the deal. Option B: Brandon goes up to the penitentiary and gets his rectum resized about yay big.

• Saul Goodman : Conscience gets expensive, doesn't it?

• Saul Goodman : 1963, James Edward Kilkelly is convicted of stealing a vending machine. 1975, breaking and entering. 1982, grand theft auto. 1984, armed robbery. 1987, 1992, you get the idea. And here he is today. Better known as Jimmy In-N-Out. City, state, and federal, he's spent 44 of the last 58 years inside.

  Walter White : Hmm. Entire life behind bars.

  Saul Goodman : Jimmy provides a very special service. For a price, Jimmy will go to prison for you.

  Jesse Pinkman : On purpose? The guy goes to prison on purpose?

  Saul Goodman : He's actually more comfortable inside. The outside world hasn't been too kind to him. Sometime during the Clinton administration, Jimmy figured out how he could use his talents to turn a profit.

  Walter White : So, when does all this happen?

  Saul Goodman : It's already happening. The buy is set for tomorrow. Cops bust Jimmy, Badger gets out, everybody's happy, and all it's gonna cost you is 80,000 and one pound of your finest meth.

  Walter White : $80,000 for eight years of his life, huh?

  Saul Goodman : First of all, he's not gonna do eight years. I'm gonna represent him, and I guarantee there's gonna be some unexpected problems with the prosecution's case. Second, he gets 30. Fifty goes to me.

  Jesse Pinkman : You get 50? For what?

  Saul Goodman : For facilitating. Who's taking a bigger risk here? He likes prison. You did bring the cash, didn't you? Look, if this option is too expensive, uh, you can still always...

  [pantomiming a shanking with a letter opener] 

  Saul Goodman : ...ugh! Badger in the chow line.

• Saul Goodman : The cops are like butchers. Always got their thumbs on the scales.

• Saul Goodman : Any questions?

  Badger : Uh.. You're gonna get me off, right?

  Saul Goodman : What do I look like, your high-school girlfriend? Five fingers, no waiting?