Peep Show (TV Series)

Jeremy's Mummy (2008)

Robert Webb: Jeremy Usborne

Photos 

Quotes 

• Super Hans : Jez, can you tell me, as a mate, someone who knows me really well, is the bottom half of me on fire?

  Jeremy Usborne : [looks down]  No.

  Super Hans : Thanks. That's good.

  Jeremy Usborne : Are you tripping?

  Super Hans : The shit I'm seeing, I fucking well hope so!

• Jeremy Usborne : Mum's getting 40 grand in the will and she's promised me half. It's all gravy from here, Mark. Good old Gwen. I couldn't have planned this better if I'd murdered her myself.

  Mark Corrigan : £20,000 won't last forever, Jeremy.

  Jeremy Usborne : What do you mean? £20,000, I'm gonna be a millionaire!

• Mark Corrigan : You really do need to get over this whole thing with your mum. You're not Hamlet. Stop being Hamlet.

  Jeremy Usborne : Well, all right, I'll stop being Hamlet if you stop being...

  Mark Corrigan : [voiceover]  He can't think of a Shakespearian character!

  Jeremy Usborne : A massive twat!

  Mark Corrigan : [voiceover]  Ha-ha. He couldn't even think of Romeo, Romeo's easy.

• Jackie : I've got some more Corfu property details. I think we'll be able to see them all while we're there.

  Jeremy Usborne : Are you buying somewhere? I hope this isn't coming out of my chunk of the dead Gwen bonanza.

  Martin : [to Jackie]  Actually, darling, if you remember, we spoke about...

  Jeremy Usborne : Spoke about what?

  Martin : Just that it might not be ideal for you still to be living on handouts from your mother. You're what, 35?

  Jeremy Usborne : Fuck off!

• Jeremy Usborne : Well, did you do it? Have I got my money? Don't do the pause, Mark, you're not Davina! Have I got my money?

  Mark Corrigan : Yes, Jeremy, you've got your money.

  Jeremy Usborne : Yes!

  [he kisses Mark on the forehead] 

  Jeremy Usborne : Oh you beautiful, beautiful man! I'm gonna tattoo your name on my balls. I'm a millionaire again!

  Mark Corrigan : But there's a condition.

  Jeremy Usborne : Oh, there's alway conditions, Mark, you can ignore conditions. When you sign up for a credit card or adopt a child there are conditions. They're meaningless.

• Mark Corrigan : [voiceover]  Good old Jeremy's mum. The more sophisticated end of the Mum spectrum. The sort of mum you'd buy in John Lewis.

  Jeremy Usborne : Mummy! Coffee! Fucky-hurry-uppy!

  Mark Corrigan : [voiceover]  Whereas he's the sort of son you'd get free with Nuts magazine.

• Mark Corrigan : [voiceover]  Right, everyone's out. Might sneek a little peek at the gun. It's fine to be fascinated by the gun. It's fascinating. Everything that can kill a man is fascinating, guns, electric chairs, paracetemol, lead piping...

  Jeremy Usborne : [standing in the doorway]  Hello Mark.

  Mark Corrigan : Oh, hi Jez. I was just... you know, making sure it was safe. Gunny the gun.

  Jeremy Usborne : You like it, Mark. That's fine, you like the gun. Guns are great. Design classics like the Routemaster bus, or... those chairs.

• Super Hans : You couldn't get me any glue, could you? Take the edge off.

  Jeremy Usborne : Glue?

  Super Hans : Yeah, glue's coming back. Nature's glue.

  Jeremy Usborne : [voiceover]  I've never done glue. Never boffed a tranny. I've hardly lived.

• Jeremy Usborne : [has just found a gun at his dead aunt's house]  I'll keep it in my room. It'll be safe there. I'll put it in a drawer.

  Mark Corrigan : Oh, brilliant. Well, as long as no one can work out the intricate sliding mechanism that opens your drawer, it'll be perfectly safe!

  Jeremy Usborne : [voiceover]  Yeah, sure. You've got sarcasm, I've got a big gun!