Peep Show (TV Series)

Jeremy's Manager (2008)

Robert Webb: Jeremy Usborne

Quotes 

• Mark Corrigan : You see the thing is... I don't think I've ever done sex right before.

  Jeremy Usborne : You're fine, mate. Just stick with missionary. You're a sexual civilian, leave the disgusting stuff to me.

  Mark Corrigan : Cally's teaching me. She gives me a second-by-second detailed instructions of what to put where for how long.

  Jeremy Usborne : That's cheating! Anyone can please a woman if she tells you what to do. You're not allowed to ask, that's the whole point!

  Mark Corrigan : Look, if I break up with her I don't see myself having good sex ever again. Unless I'm, like, going on holiday to Hawaii and the plane crashes and all my fellow survivors are women sex therapists on their way to a conference. And even then, there'll probably be loads of male sex therapists too and they'd love that, wouldn't they, all fucking each other and giving each other tips while I sit on a rock, wanking and crying.

• Jeremy Usborne : Everything's gonna be all right, I AM gonna be a legend! And you and all of this depressing shit will just be a little footnote in the massive biog of how rich and fucked up I eventually became!

• Jeremy Usborne : [looking at some DVDs Hans has brought]  What's those, something a bit red hot for downtime?

  Super Hans : Don't pigeonhole me, dude. Barchester Chronicles. Ecclesiastical politics when you're high. These guys really knew how to do a fucking number on each other.

• Jeremy Usborne : We're going on tour. We're gonna get fucked up and monged out and messed up and dicked over.

  Super Hans : We wanna wallow in our own filth, Mark. Have a good old fucking wallow.

• Mark Corrigan : But I've bought a tour jacket especially. It's leather and it has lapels so I can wear it to work.

  Jeremy Usborne : Yeah, if you start working for the Gestapo. Look, man, we're a rock band, yeah? If people see us hangin' out with a doink like you, not being rude...

  Mark Corrigan : You are being rude.

  Jeremy Usborne : Then that takes away a hell of a lot of our credibility.

• Cally : So, I checked out your stuff on MySpace and I literally freaked, big time.

  Jeremy Usborne : [to Super Hans]  Yeah, see? I was so right to get us on the internet. The internet's gonna be massive, I keep telling you.

  Super Hans : Yeah, we'll see.