This Is the End (2013)

James Franco: James Franco

Photos 

Quotes 

• James Franco : Your mama's pussy was the canvas. Your dad's dick was the paintbrush. Boom. You're the art.

  Jay Baruchel : Thanks, James Franco.

• Jay Baruchel : Guys, listen listen. I think we need to address the elephant in the room

  Seth Rogen : Whoa, Jay, don't talk about Craig like that.

  Craig Robinson : That's fucked up. I'm right here man.

  Jay Baruchel : I'm not calling Craig an elephant.

  James Franco : That's racist.

• Danny McBride : Welcome to the twenty-first century, Buck Rogers! You designed a house with fuckin' iPads in the walls, yet, you're jerkin' your dick like a goddamn pilgrim!

  James Franco : That's right man, I like to fuckin' read!

• [Taking inventory of the food and supplies at James Franco's house] 

  Seth Rogen : We got 12 bottles of water, 56 beers, two vodkas, four whiskeys, six bottles of wine, tequila, Nutella, cheese, pizza, eggs, bananas, apples, bacon, steaks, pancake mix, C.T. Crunch, milk, ketchup, a Milky Way, half-ounce Sour Diesel, 3 1/2 grams Grand Master Kush, one ounce of 'shrooms, 15 pills of ecstasy, a porno mag, a baseball bat, and the video camera from the movie 27 Hours.

  James Franco : [correcting Seth]  '127 Hours'.

  Seth Rogen : Uh, 127 Hours. And a functioning revolver from the movie 'Flyboys'.

• Danny McBride : [Rapture light appears]  What the fuck?

  James Franco : Go to hell, McBride! Fuck you! Haha. Suck my dick!

  [Rapture light disappears] 

• James Franco : We're actors! We bring joy to people's lives!

  Jay Baruchel : Yeah but we don't do it for free. We get paid handsomely much higher than the average professional.

• James Franco : [while being robbed]  I'm not gonna shoot Emma Watson!

• James Franco : I will shoot off your dick!

  Danny McBride : You don't have enough bullets, bitch.

• [Rogen and McBride are digging through the floor of Franco's house when Franco storms through the second floor hallway, carrying his prop gun and a porno magazine] 

  James Franco : Who did this? Who did this?

  Seth Rogen : Did what? What are you talking about?

  James Franco : Jizzed all over the pages of this nice magazine I was nice enough to tell you about. Was it you, Seth?

  Danny McBride : [Raises hand]  It was me, Franco. I fuckin' made jizz in your magazine.

  James Franco : Why?

  Danny McBride : When I fuckin' jack off long enough, I end up jizzin', dude. I'm assuming, the same shit works for you?

  James Franco : Real fuckin' smart answer! Why don't you fuckin' aim, huh?

  Danny McBride : I have a particularly explosive ejaculate. It just goes everywhere. It's like a fuckin' wild fireman's hose - you just got to grab on and pray to God it doesn't get into your eyes or your mouth.

  James Franco : What the fuck kind of jerking off is that? What, you never had any brothers? You never learned to jizz in a fuckin' sock or on a fuckin' tissue?

  Danny McBride : No, I don't have any brothers, I was raised in a house of women!

  James Franco : I highly doubt they fuckin' taught you to fuckin' close your eyes and fuckin' cum wherever the fuck you want!

  Danny McBride : I mean, you're getting all worked up over a fuckin' porno mag! Who has goddamn porno mags anymore? Welcome to the twenty-first century, Buck Rogers! You designed a house with fuckin' iPads in the walls, yet, you're jerkin' your dick like a goddamn pilgrim!

  James Franco : That's right, man. I like to fuckin' read!

  Danny McBride : You think that's the only thing I jerk off on in here? I've been dropping off loads around this fuckin' house like a goddamn dump truck.

  James Franco : You don't cum on my stuff!

  Danny McBride : I'll cum wherever the fuck I want, James! I'll fuckin' cum in your kitchen, I'll cum on your fuckin' art, I'll cum anywhere I want!

  James Franco : I will fuckin' cum right on you! I will cum like a fuckin' madman all over you, McBride!

  Danny McBride : Ooh! I fuckin' wish you'd cum on me right now! I fuckin' dare you to cum on me!

  [Both exchange masturbation gestures at each other] 

  Danny McBride : [Grabbing baseball bat between his legs]  I'm gonna jack my dick so fuckin' hard in here!

  James Franco : This, no more, man! All over your fuckin' face!

  Danny McBride : All over the fuckin' floor, all over the fuckin' place! I'll fuckin' cum anywhere I want! I'll fuckin' cum on these walls, I'll cum on the fuckin' cabinets, on the fuckin' furniture, I'll cum everywhere!

  James Franco : If I see your dick one more time, I'm gonna fuckin' shoot it off!

  Danny McBride : You don't have enough bullets, bitch!

• James Franco : I got to admit something... I fucked Lindsay Lohan. She was fucked up, she was high. It was at the Chateau Marmont. She kept banging on my door. She kept calling me Jake Gyllenhaal. I said... call me the prince of Persia.

• James Franco : The fucker's got to go! GO! The fucker's gots to go!

• Jonah Hill : Um, can I have that Milky Way?

  James Franco : No, you can't have the Milky Way. That's my Milky Way. I went out this morning and specifically bought this Milky Way to eat after my party.

  Jay Baruchel : That's weird.

  James Franco : It's not weird, it's my special food, I like it. Back me up on that, Seth.

  Seth Rogen : I don't think you should get the whole Milky Way. I want some of the Milky Way.

  Craig Robinson : I'd be pretty bummed if I don't at least get a bite of the Milky Way.

  James Franco : Oh, now Craig wants a bite of the Milky Way.

  Craig Robinson : Yeah, I want a bite of the Milky Way! It's a fucking Milky Way.

  Jay Baruchel : A fifth of everything is what's fair and reasonable.

  Seth Rogen : Everyone gets a fifth of everything.

  James Franco : [to Craig]  I want one fifth of your t-shirt!

• [an armored RV crashes into James Franco's Toyota Prius, slightly injuring Franco, Seth Rogen, and Jay Baruchel. A bunch of cannibals from the RV pulls all three of them out from the totaled car and starts to attack them] 

  Santa Cannibal : [yells]  Yo, cut his fuckin' head off!

  [chainsaw revs up; James, Seth, and Jay screams] 

  Danny McBride : [on loudspeaker]  STOP!

  [Danny McBride, leader of the cannibals, steps out of his RV with a marijuana joint in one hand and a dog's leash in the other] 

  Jay Baruchel : Danny?

  Danny McBride : [shocked]  What the fuck? You guys are still alive?

  Seth Rogen : Yeah!

  Danny McBride : Holy shit, I didn't expect that.

  [tugging on the leash, a gimp, who reveals to be Channing Tatum, jumps out from the RV] 

  Danny McBride : Get...

  [Danny pulls Channing over to him] 

  Jay Baruchel : Oh, Jesus.

  Danny McBride : Shit, I can't believe you guys are here. That's fucking crazy, and your timing couldn't be more perfect. It's been a long time since any of us have eaten, and you three gentlemen look delicious.

  Jay Baruchel : [confused]  What does that have to do with us?

  James Franco : What the fuck are you talking about?

  Danny McBride : [chuckles]  I'm a cannibal, hombre. We're gonna fuckin' eat your ass.

  Seth Rogen : Fuck you, you can't eat us. Fuck that, man!

  Danny McBride : I do whatever the fuck I want, whenever I want. I butt-fucked this dude.

  [Channing drops down doggy-style] 

  Danny McBride : See that? I fuckin' slide right in that shit. I do whatever I want. This is my gimp. Channing, introduce yourself.

  Channing Tatum : [takes his mask off]  Hey, what's up, guys? Y'all cool?

  James Franco : That's Channing Tatum.

  Seth Rogen : That's Channing Tatum, dude. What the fuck?

  Danny McBride : Channing fucking Tatum. I found him wandering on the freeway. I collected him, made him my bitch

  [Channing rubs Danny's crotch, but Danny shoves his hand away] 

  Danny McBride : Get off my dick. I call him Channing "Tate-yum".

  James Franco : Hardcore, man.

• Seth Rogen : Jesus fucking Christ.

  Craig Robinson : You might wanna stay away from saying that.

  Seth Rogen : Jesus fucking Christ? Why? Why can't I say that?

  Craig Robinson : One of the ten commandments. Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain.

  Seth Rogen : Jesus isn't the name of the Lord. God is the name of the Lord.

  Craig Robinson : Jesus and God is all the same.

  Jay Baruchel : It's a trinity.

  Craig Robinson : The Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost.

  James Franco : It's like Neapolitan ice cream.

• James Franco : No more jerking off, no more water, just sit the fuck down!

• [after James taunts Danny, the rapture beams disappears; James falls back down on the ground to the evil amazement of the cannibals and the disappointment of Seth and Jay] 

  Seth Rogen : Oh, shit.

  Jay Baruchel : Shit!

  James Franco : [horrified]  What happened? What did I do? Take me back! What did I DO?

  Danny McBride : I'll tell you what happened, Franco. You don't get to get sucked up into Heaven 'cause you were being petty. Tom Petty.

  [the cannibals gang up on the now-doomed James] 

  Danny McBride : You may not have invited me to your party, but you're the guest of honor at mine.

  James Franco : [last word]  What?

  [Danny takes a huge bite into James' nose, with Channing joining in; James screams in horrible pain as Seth and Jay can do nothing but watch in sheer horror and disgust] 

  Danny McBride : [screaming; a crazed Danny holds up James' ripped-off nose]  HOW FUCKING CRAZY IS THIS?

  [Danny shrieks as the cannibals gang up and fatally eat James up to his death] 

  Danny McBride : Seth! JAY!

  [Three cannibals give chase to Set and Jay, presumably to finish the job and keep them completely fed] 

  Jay Baruchel : Oh, shit, they're running after us!

  Seth Rogen : Oh, shit. Oh, shit! Oh, shit! Run!

  Danny McBride : BRING THEM TO ME!

• Danny McBride : Franco, you're just a pretentious fucking nerd.

  James Franco : Fuck you!

  Danny McBride : And Jonah... you fucking cunt. Craig... you didn't have my back back there. You fucking disappoint me.

  Craig Robinson : Bro...

  Danny McBride : And Seth... you duplicitous taint.

  Seth Rogen : What?

  Danny McBride : And of course there's Jay... the self-righteous, cocksucking, two-faced backstabber.

  Jay Baruchel : What the fuck are you talking about?

• [the guys are debating whether or not to let a stranger into the house] 

  James Franco : [whispering]  I know it sounds really weird, but... I don't think we should let him in.

  Jay Baruchel : Why not?

  Headless Man : Yeah, why not? I can hear you, by the way.

  James Franco : I'm sorry, we just don't know you, man. You could be, like, a looter or a, a rapist or a tittyfucker, like...

  [Seth grabs his chest protectively] 

  James Franco : ... I'm sorry. Look, guys, we just boarded up this whole house to keep everyone out, and the first guy who comes to the door, we're gonna let him in? I mean, how do we know we can trust this guy?

  Headless Man : I want to live! Things have gone crazy out here!

  Danny McBride : "Agagaga-fuckin'-crazy-out-here!" This guy fuckin' sucks.

  James Franco : What if he's the rapist?

  Jonah Hill : Man, even if he is a rapist, he can't rape all of us.

  Headless Man : [panicking]  Yeah, no, I'm not a rapist!

  Seth Rogen : You gonna tittyfuck us?

  Headless Man : [almost in tears]  If you want me to tittyfuck you, I will, so good, oh, you'll love it!

  Jay Baruchel : Seth, back me up, please, we can't just leave him out there to die, are you crazy?

  James Franco : [to Seth]  What do you wanna do? I'll do whatever you wanna do.

  Seth Rogen : Uh, let's vote on it!

  Headless Man : Yeah, I fuckin' vote you let me in!

  Danny McBride : Here's my vote: fuck all of you, I'm letting him in. This is boring.

  [the guys all shout and rush to stop him; something growls outside] 

  Headless Man : There's something out here!

  [the thing outside suddenly chops the man's head off, and the severed head bounces into the room, coming to a stop at Danny's feet] 

  Danny McBride : [in shock]  This is real! This is fucking real!

  [he kicks the head at James, who kicks it away from him immediately. The guys all start screaming and kicking the head around the room to get away from it] 

  Jonah Hill : You guys! This man was alive a few seconds ago, we can't play soccer with his head!

  James Franco : Pick it up, Jonah.

  [Jonah picks up the head and immediately drops it again as blood gushes out of it] 

  Danny McBride : What the fuck is going on?

  Jonah Hill : He blinked at me! He blinked at me!

  James Franco : Put it over there!

  [quivering in fear, Craig throws a blanket over the head] 

• James Franco : Dude look helicopters, helicopter, the good guys are here. We're fine, we're gonna be fine

  [Helicopter crashes and propeller flies through window and sticks into wall next to Craig] 

  Craig Robinson : [Screaming and jumping]  Goddamn, Goddamn

  James Franco : You okay?

  Craig Robinson : No I'm not okay.

  [Shows finger with small scratch and blood] 

  Craig Robinson : Fuck yo house Franco

  James Franco : My house didn't do that

• Seth Rogen : It's already going crazy out there, guys! We can't leave. I'm not leaving. Okay? I'm a victim! I've had a victim's mentality my whole life, people can smell it on me! When I was a kid, I had man titties. The bullies held me down, they titty fucked me!

  James Franco : That's what's happening out there right now!

  Craig Robinson : We are all soft.

  Seth Rogen : Yeah.

  Craig Robinson : We are all soft! We are actors, we pretend to be hard, man! We soft as baby shit!

  James Franco : As baby shit!

• Jay Baruchel : There were people and they were there and they got... sucked up into the sky.

  James Franco : Sucked up into the sky. Nobody got sucked up in here.

  Michael Cera : I got sucked off here.

• Danny McBride : I know why you guys don't fucking call me or hang out with me anymore. It's cause I party so fucking hard. Always have. Ever since I was a baby, I wouldn't just suck on my mama's titties, I would fucking bang 'em and motorboat 'em. Everything I've been doing has just been a cry for help. When I came on your magazine, James, it was a cum for help. I've just been crying and cumming and crying and cumming. Tears from the tip of my penis, dudes.

  James Franco : I'm sorry, alright. You can cum wherever you want.

  Danny McBride : I don't even care about cumming anymore. Right now I'm just kind of into going.

• James Franco : You know what, Danny? If you weren't jizzing all the time, maybe you would be more hydrated!

  Danny McBride : You're making me into a joke right now, Franco, and you are not gonna like the fucking punchline!

• [after Jay punches Jonah] 

  James Franco : Jonah, you okay?

  Jonah Hill : Yeah... his insides hurt worse than my outsides.

• [after a man gets his head cut off and everyone is freaking out and kicking his head around] 

  Jonah Hill : Stop! You guys! This man was alive a few seconds ago, we can't play soccer with his head!

  James Franco : Pick it up, Jonah!

  [Jonah picks up the head and blood pours out and he drops it] 

  Jonah Hill : Oh, God! He blinked at me!

• [after finding James' secret stash of food] 

  Craig Robinson : What the fuck is all this, Franco?

  James Franco : Uh... it looks like food! How'd that get there?

  Seth Rogen : What? You have more food?

  Craig Robinson : You knew he had extra food?

  Seth Rogen : He gave me one cracker!

  Craig Robinson : I would have sucked a dick for half a cracker!

  James Franco : Alright, well, maybe I didn't want you to suck my dick, alright!

  Craig Robinson : I didn't want to suck it! That's the point of what I said!