Greg Lee: Self - Host, Handy Handcock

Quotes 

• Self - Host : Now, unfortunately, the Contessa has completely vanished. She's gone bye-bye. Gone gone...

  The Voice From On High : GREG! GET UP HERE!

  [the familiar left hand from above is beckoning to Greg] 

  Self - Host : Up there?

  The Voice From On High : UP HERE. NOW.

  Self - Host : Yes. Okay. Be right with you.

  [He grabs a trampoline from behind the monitor, brings it over, jumps on, and keeps jumping] 

  Self - Host : That's a little hard to do.

  The Voice From On High : I KNOW WHERE SHE IS. NANNY NANNY POO POO! SHE'S IN THE HIMALAYAS IN A COUNTRY KNOWN TO ITS PEOPLE AS DRUKYUL. THAT MEANS "LAND OF THE THUNDER DRAGON". WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

  [referring to Greg's constant jumping up and down on the trampoline] 

  Self - Host : Well, you told me to get up here...

  The Voice From On High : STOP THAT.

  Self - Host : Yes, sir, yes.

  [stands still] 

  Self - Host : Uh, why has she gone there?

  The Voice From On High : MAYBE SHE LIKES THE CLOTHES. THEY HAVE A LAW REQUIRING PEOPLE TO WEAR TRADITIONAL NATIVE DRESS WHEN THEY'RE WORKING.

  Self - Host : But why would she go there?

  The Voice From On High : WHAT DO YOU WANT? A DIAGRAM? IT SHARES A BORDER WITH INDIA.

  Self - Host : Okay. Thanks a lot. Appreciate it.

  The Voice From On High : YEAH, YEAH. NOW, HOP TO IT!

  Self - Host : Okay.

  [starts hopping back to his post] 

  The Voice From On High : GREG!

  Self - Host : Yeah?

  The Voice From On High : THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT.

  Self - Host : Sorry. Only trying to be funny.

  The Voice From On High : GREG.

  Self - Host : Yes?

  The Voice From On High : GO AWAY.

  Self - Host : Yes, sir. Yes.

• Self - Host : Now, it would not be PBS if we did not take time for something right now that's very special, and that is puppets.

  [whips out his right hand to reveal his puppet Handy Handcock on it, to the delight of the chief, who is watching on the monitor screen] 

  Self - Host : Ladies and gentlemen, Handy the puppet!

  The Chief : Handy! Hi, Handy.

  Handy Handcock : Hello. It's nice to see you. How are you?

  The Chief : Oh, it's good to see you too. You're so cute.

  Handy Handcock : It's good to be here.

  Self - Host : Excuse me, you two. We could kind of use a clue right here if you don't mind.

  Handy Handcock : Oh, very sorry. Okay, here we go. Ahem! Well, its way up north in North America. But, it's worn by the Japan current. She had a cab take her around the city. It was completely wrecked by an earthquake in 1964. And they rebuilt the place.

  The Chief : Oh, you are just the cutest thing.

  Handy Handcock : Oh, thank you very much. Thank you.

  [the chief continues to beam] 

  Self - Host : Uh, Chief, you know this is just my hand, right? I have red stuff here...

  [referring to his palm] 

  The Chief : Oh, Greg, you are such a kidder! Handy, he's such a kidder.

  Self - Host : It's not real... ladies and gentlemen, Handy the puppet.