Lynne Thigpen: The Chief, Agnes Acme

Quotes 

• The Chief : [on the effects of Robo's radioscope robbery]  What will happen to Arecibo? What will happen to Puerto Rico? What will happen to all those phone calls from Pluto?

• The Chief : Here's the story on Robocrook: he's got mayhem in his microcircuits. This crook wasn't born bad; he was BUILT that way.

• The Chief : [after Greg has helped her get her head screwed back on then keeps curiously prodding it]  Oh, Greg, go away!

  Self - Host : Yes, okay, sorry.

  [out he goes] 

  The Chief : He acts like he never saw a head pop off before!

  Self - Host : [coming out into the studio]  You know, I've never seen somebody's head pop off before. I wonder how that happens.

• Self - Host : Now, you know, gumshoes, on a tough case like this, I always turn to Agnes Acme. She's the founder of Acme Crimenet and the chief's great grandmother. She is the source of my inspiration.

  Agnes Acme : Inspiration? You'd better try some perspriation if you're gonna catch Robocrook! Now listen. He's in a strategically located island in the city of Nicosia. Now, this nation was divided after a Turkish invasion, and now Turkey controlls the northern third. Now, you'd better take control yourself, young man, and solve this case!

• The Chief : [showing a slide show about Rome, Italy]  Trevi Fountain. Its water is said to be the sweetest in town. Now, you're supposed to toss a coin in over your shoulder if you want to return to Rome. Ah, coins in fountains. You know, that reminds me of a story. Once, there was a little girl whose only wish was to grow up and be a law enforcement official. Now, she wasn't reading detective books, she was watching detective movies. One day, the girl came across a fountain near City Hall. She closed her eyes, she took out a shiny quarter from her pocket, and she made her wish and tossed the coin high into the air. Missed the water completely!

  [the audience cracks up] 

  The Chief : Today, she's a carpenter somewhere in Florida.

• The Chief : If ever theft leaves you bereft, call on Acme, swift and deft.