- Sheldon Cooper: In case either of you have larceny in your heart, you should know that I have moved my money out of the snake can.
- Leonard Hofstadter: But if you're ever short, there's always a couple of fifties in Green Lantern's ass.
- Howard Wolowitz: Okay, I guess we only have one option.
- Rajesh Koothrappali: Yepp, I don't see any way around it.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Bye, Sheldon.
- Howard Wolowitz: See ya.
- Rajesh Koothrappali: Later, dude.
- [All exit, leaving Sheldon alone]
- Sheldon Cooper: They're right. It was the only option.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Okay, is everyone clear on the plan?
- Howard Wolowitz: Yes. Koothrappali's gonna wet himself, I will throw up, Sheldon's going to run away, and you're going to die. Shall we synchronize our watches?
- Sheldon Cooper: I don't see any large upcoming expenditures unless they develop an affordable technology to fuse my skeleton with adamantium like Wolverine.
- Penny: Are they working on that?
- Sheldon Cooper: I sincerely hope so.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Hey, Penny. How's work.
- Penny: [sarcastically] Great! I hope I'm a waitress at the Cheescake Factory for my whole life!
- Sheldon Cooper: Was that sarcasm?
- Penny: [still sarcastically] No.
- Sheldon Cooper: Was *that* sarcasm?
- Penny: [honestly] Yes.
- Sheldon Cooper: Was that sarcasm?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Stop it!
- Penny: Okay. Well, thank you. Oh, God, no, I can't. Sheldon honey, I don't want things to be weird between us.
- Sheldon: Won't it also be weird if I have to say hello to you every morning on my way to work and you're living in a refrigerator box and washing your hair with rain water?
- Penny: I'll pay you back as soon as I can.
- Sheldon: Of course you will. It's impossible to pay me back sooner than you can. Assuming you subscribe to a linear understanding of time and causality.
- Penny: I'm regretting this already.
- Sheldon Cooper: If you recall, I pointed out the check engine light to you several months ago.
- Penny: The check engine light is fine, it's still blinking away. It's the stupid engine that stopped working.
- Sheldon Cooper: I've been giving the matter some thought, and I think I'd be willing to be a house pet to a race of superintelligent aliens.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Interesting.
- Sheldon Cooper: Ask me why?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Do I have to?
- Sheldon Cooper: Of course, that's how you move a conversation forward.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Why?
- Sheldon Cooper: The learning opportunities would be abundant, additionally, I like having my belly scratched.
- Penny: He got arrested for taking a whiz on a cop car.
- Leonard Hofstadter: What?
- Penny: He was drunk.
- Leonard Hofstadter: I would hope so.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Why don't you just get a roommate and stay here?
- Penny: Well, do you know anybody?
- Leonard Hofstadter: I'm sure the guy living with Sheldon wouldn't mind moving in with you.
- Penny: Oh Leonard, honey, if we started living together, I wouldn't be able to keep my hands off you.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Really?
- Penny: And you thought my acting lessons were a waste of money.
- Leonard Hofstadter: [Looking for places for Penny to save expenses] A hundred and seventy dollars for acting classes?
- Penny: Oh no, I can't give up my acting classes, I'm a professional actress.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Oh, you've had an acting job where you got paid?
- Penny: That is not the definition of professional.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Actually, it kind of... lets keep looking.
- Leonard Hofstadter: You play a game to simulate adventure, but when there's real adventure out there in the real world, you just wimp out!
- Sheldon Cooper: Leonard, do you not recall the last time we visited this gentleman, we returned home without pants.
- Leonard Hofstadter: I do.
- Sheldon Cooper: Are you sure? Because your proposal suggests that you don't.
- Leonard Hofstadter: You clearly did something to aggrevate her!
- Sheldon Cooper: I'm at a loss. If you like, you can review my daily log of social interactions. And see if there's a blunder I overlooked.
- Leonard Hofstadter: I don't need backup. I have right on my side. And I'm wearing cargo shorts under my pants.
- Sheldon Cooper: The true hero doesn't seek adulation. He fights for right and justice simply because it's his nature.
- Sheldon Cooper: All right, these theaters have to be eliminated.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Why, they're state of the art. Digital projection, 20 channel surround sound...
- Sheldon Cooper: Yes, but they have no Icee machines. Despite my agressive letter writing campaign I might add.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Hey, you guys want to go on a real live quest?
- Sheldon Cooper: Outside? But I just made cocoa.
- Sheldon Cooper: I'm sorry, I don't understand what social situation this is. Could you give me some guidance in how to proceed.
- Penny: Is Leonard around?
- Sheldon: He went to the movies without me. It was the only option. I'm sorry, I don't understand which social situation this is. Could you give me some guidance as to how to proceed?
- Penny: The building manager's showing an apartment downstairs, and I haven't paid my rent.
- Sheldon: Oh, I see. Penny, I'm not sure I'm comfortable harbouring a fugitive from the 2311 North Los Robles Corporation.
- Penny: It's no big deal. I'm just a little behind on my bills because they cut back my hours at the restaurant and my car broke down.