- Howard Wolowitz: I'm a falcon who hunts better solo.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Fine. I'll sit here; you take flight and hunt.
- Howard Wolowitz: Don't be ridiculous; you can't just tell a falcon when to hunt.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Actually you *can*! There's a whole sport built around it. Falconry.
- Leonard: Come on, Howard, the odds of us picking up girls in a bar are practically zero.
- Howard Wolowitz: Really? Are you familiar with the Drake Equation?
- Sheldon: The one that estimates the odds of making contact with extraterrestrials by calculating the product of an increasingly restrictive series of fractional values such as those stars with planets, and those planets likely to develop life? N equals R times FP times NE times FL times FI times FC times L?
- Howard Wolowitz: Yeah, that one.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Hey, Howard?.. Take me to a bar with women.
- Howard Wolowitz: Really?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Yeah.
- Howard Wolowitz: Okay. Let me just go inside and slip off my underwear.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Why?
- Howard Wolowitz: Well, if I get lucky, I don't wanna be caught in my Aquaman briefs.
- Sheldon Cooper: Did you just shut the TV off in the middle of the classic Deep Space Nine-Star Trek: The Original Series-Trouble With Tribbles crossover episode?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Apparently so.
- Sheldon Cooper: Are you ill?
- Leonard Hofstadter: No.
- Sheldon Cooper: All right. Then is it fair to say that you're experiencing some sort of emotional turmoil over the events involving Penny earlier this evening?
- Leonard Hofstadter: When did you pick up on that!
- Sheldon Cooper: A moment ago when you turned off the TV in the middle of the classic Deep Space Nine-Star Trek: The Original Series-Trouble With Tribbles crossover episode.
- Leonard Hofstadter: I just wannna know why Penny is more interested in Stuart than me. We're practically the same guy!
- Sheldon Cooper: Oh, I disagree. Stuart is taller, artistic, self employed and most significantly, he gets 45% off comic books.
- Howard Wolowitz: [introducing Leonard to a bar] First we let the lawyers and the jocks thin the herd, and then we go after the weak, the old and the lame.
- Penny: Oh, hey, could you pick me up a few comics for my nephew's birthday?
- Sheldon Cooper: No, I think you mean comic books. Comics are feeble attempts at humor featuring talking babies and anthropomorphized pets found traditionally in the optimistically named "funny pages".
- Penny: Leonard, pick me up comics for my nephew's birthday?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Sure. What does he like?
- Penny: I don't know, just pick out anything.
- Sheldon Cooper: Just pick out anything? Maybe we can pick out a new suit for him without knowing his size? Or pick out his career without knowing his aptitude? Or pick out a new breakfast cereal without knowing his fiber requirements? Or his feelings about little marshmallows?
- Stuart: You can throw all the French around you want, it doesn't make you right.
- Sheldon Cooper: Au contraire.
- Howard Wolowitz: [sitting in the bar] I'm not sitting here with a guy drinking a grasshopper with a little umbrella.
- Rajesh Koothrappali: Fine. I'll have a Chocolate martini.
- Howard Wolowitz: Wrong, again.
- Rajesh Koothrappali: Come on, you know I can't talk to women unless I'm lit up like the Hindu festival of Devali.
- Howard Wolowitz: Look, there are plenty of bars in Los Angeles where you can order grasshoppers and chocolate martinis but you wouldn't have to because there are no women in them.
- Rajesh Koothrappali: Gotcha. I'll have a Brandy Alexander.
- Sheldon Cooper: Well, I've spent the last three hours in an online debate in the DC Comics Batman chatroom, and I need your help.
- Stuart: Oh yeah. Those guys can be very stubborn. What's the topic?
- Sheldon Cooper: I am asserting, in the event that Batman's death proves permanent, that original Robin, Dick Grayson, is the logical successor to the Bat Cowl.
- Stuart: Ooh, Sheldon, I'm afraid you couldn't be more wrong.
- Sheldon Cooper: More wrong? Wrong is an absolute state and not subject to gradation.
- Stuart: Of course it is. It's a little wrong to say a tomato is a vegetable, it's very wrong to say it's a suspension bridge. But returning to the original issue, Dick Grayson became Nightwing, a superhero in his own right. Batman 2 has to be the second Robin, Jason Todd.
- Sheldon Cooper: Has to be? Has to be? I hope you're being deliberately provocative
- Howard Wolowitz: In bars all across this great nation of ours Thursday night is Ladies' Night, which means as the evening progresses we will get better looking courtesy of ninety-nine cent margaritas and two-for-one Jello shots.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Sheldon, we agreed we'd do something different tonight.
- Sheldon Cooper: All right. Let's go to the comic book store.
- Rajesh Koothrappali: We went to the comic book store last night.
- Sheldon Cooper: Last night was Wednesday; Wednesday *is* comic book night. Tonight we'll be going on Thursday because it's anything-can-happen Thursday.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Way to think outside but pressed right up against the box, Sheldon.
- Penny: [after entering a comic book store loudly] Everbody is staring at me.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Don't worry. They're more scared of you than you are of them.
- Penny: Unlikely.
- [last lines]
- Howard Wolowitz: [Raj is making out with a large lady] Lucky bastard. It's gotta be that stupid accent of his.
- [to a lady in an Indian accent]
- Howard Wolowitz: Hello, I'm Sumjay Wolowitz from Bombay.
- [she walks away]
- Howard Wolowitz: OK, I'm stumped.
- [Sheldon and Howard grab the same comic book]
- Howard Wolowitz: Let it go, Sheldon.
- Sheldon Cooper: Why should I let it go, I saw it first?
- Howard Wolowitz: Yes, but I saw it from the front.
- Sheldon Cooper: A far less impressive feat.
- Stuart: Look Sheldon, it's late, I've gotta get some sleep.
- Sheldon Cooper: So I win.
- Stuart: No, I'm tired.
- Sheldon Cooper: So I win.
- Stuart: Fine, you win.
- Sheldon Cooper: Darn tootin' I win.
- [first lines]
- [Sheldon moans]
- Leonard Hofstadter: Problem?
- Sheldon Cooper: This is Thai food.
- Howard Wolowitz: Here we go.
- Sheldon Cooper: We don't have Thai food on Thursday, we have pizza on Thursday.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Yes, but we all agreed that the third Thursday of every month would be anything-can-happen Thursday.
- Sheldon Cooper: Well, apparently the news didn't reach my digestive system, which, when startled, has its own version of anything-can-happen Thursday.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Should we talk to some of these women?
- Howard Wolowitz: No, it's way too early in the night for that. See, first we let the lawyers and the jocks thin the herd, and then we go after the weak and the old and the lame.
- Leonard Hofstadter: That's your system?
- Howard Wolowitz: That's my system. Oh, and if you spot a chick with a Seeing Eye dog, she's mine.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Hey Stuart, this is Penny. She's just looking for some comic books.
- Stuart Bloom: Oh really, wow.
- [to Penny]
- Stuart Bloom: Blink twice if you're here against your will.