The Big Bang Theory (TV Series)
The Lizard-Spock Expansion (2008)
Simon Helberg: Howard Wolowitz
Photos
Quotes
-
Leonard Hofstadter : What's the emergency?
Howard Wolowitz : I got the Mars Rover stuck in a ditch.
Sheldon Cooper : Where?
Howard Wolowitz : On a dusty highway just outside Bakersfield... Where do you think? On Mars!
-
Howard Wolowitz : Okay, I guess we have to turn to plan B.
Sheldon Cooper : What's plan B?
Howard Wolowitz : Erase all the hard drives, grab the surveillance tapes, wipe our fingerprints off every surface and run.
Sheldon Cooper : Why wasn't that plan A?
-
Penny : [Trying to get Howard to admit he works on the Mars Rover project] No, I remember specifically, you started by asking if I was from Mars, because my ass was out of this world.
Howard Wolowitz : Well that does sound like me, but no.
-
[last lines]
Announcer : It's unclear how the Mars rover got into the crevice, but one thing's certain: the data which it has sent back contain the first clear indications that there may have been life on Mars.
[Howard's mouth falls open in shock]
Announcer : It's a scientific discovery that has staggering implications for all mankind. Unfortunately, we'll never know who's responsible.
Howard Wolowitz : Son of a bitch.
-
Howard Wolowitz : There's got to be other options.
Raj Koothrappali : Could try calling Triple-A. But based on NASA's latest time table, they won't get there for thirty-five years.
Sheldon Cooper : Plus, I understand that you have to be standing next to the vehicle with your card when they arrive.
Raj Koothrappali : Oh, snap!
Sheldon Cooper : Snap what?
-
Howard Wolowitz : Oh, if it isn't Mrs Dead To Me.
Stephanie : Hello, Howard.
Howard Wolowitz : Sheldon.
Sheldon Cooper : Look I'm sorry, you violated the terms of your metaphor by acknowledging her existence; I'm out.
-
Howard Wolowitz : Hey, buddy, what brings you to my little slice of Hell?
Mrs. Wolowitz : Who is it?
Howard Wolowitz : It's Leonard!
Mrs. Wolowitz : You're gonna have to play outside! I'm not dressed to receive!
Howard Wolowitz : No one cares, Ma!
[to Leonard]
Howard Wolowitz : So, what's up?
-
Raj Koothrappali : Okay, who gets the extra dumpling?
Raj Koothrappali , Sheldon Cooper , Howard Wolowitz : Rock, paper, scissors, lizard, Spock!
[They all draw Spock]
Sheldon Cooper : Okay, one of us is going to have to stop putting up Spock.
Howard Wolowitz : How do we decide that?
Raj Koothrappali , Sheldon Cooper , Howard Wolowitz : Rock, paper, scissors, lizard, Spock!
Raj Koothrappali , Sheldon Cooper , Howard Wolowitz : [They all draw Spock again] Ahh!
-
Penny : Howard, your scooter's blocking my car.
[Sees Howard with an eyepatch]
Penny : Aw, did you get pinkeye again?
Howard Wolowitz : Step one, she notices the eye-patch. May I say, Penny, not a lot of women could look as *hot* as you do with such greasy hair.
[Penny pulls on the eyepatch and snaps it back]
Penny : Yeah, just move your stupid scooter before I pick it up and throw it in the dumpster.
[Exits]
Howard Wolowitz : Ow.
-
Howard Wolowitz : A neg is a negative compliment that throws a pretty woman off her game, like: "Normally I'm not turned on by big teeth, but on you they work."
-
Howard Wolowitz : Noticed the eye patch, did you? It's all part of a technique I've been studying for picking up women. You employ a visual display designed to make yourself distinctive and memorable.
Sheldon Cooper : Oh, yes, like the male peacock with brilliant plumage or the rutting baboon with engorged hindquarters.
-
Penny : Howard, didn't you say you worked on the Mars rover?
Howard Wolowitz : No. You're mistaken.
Penny : Yeah, when we first met, you said that if I went out with you, I could drive a car on Mars.
Howard Wolowitz : I don't know what you're talking about.