- The guys get invited to fight alongside Doug the Bartender. However, the fight doesn't go exactly how they imagined it to.
- Doug Martin, the bartender at MacLaren's, is a brutishly large, toupee wearing man. He is also slightly dimwitted and angry but who is fiercely loyal to his regulars. That fierce loyalty leads to Doug challenging a group of bar patrons to a back alley fight on Lily, Robin, Ted, Marshall and Barney's behalf, but with the implication that Ted, Barney and Marshall join him in the brawl. After thinking about it, Ted, who has never been in a bona fide fist fight, believes a fight is something he needs to do once in his life and agrees to join Doug. Barney also goes to fight once he finds out that Robin, the hockey fan, is into brawlers. Marshall, on the other hand, won't fight, stating that he's been in many a fight before with his brothers and doesn't need to prove anything. When Ted and Barney come back from the fight with black eyes but are still standing while their opponents are out cold, they are seen as heroes by the other bar patrons, except for Marshall. Ted and Barney, basking in their new glory and with Doug vowing to provide them free drinks for life, have to make a confession about the fight when it has an unexpected consequence. Marshall also makes an unintended confession of his own about the history of his fights with his brothers.—Huggo
- Ted is tired of the pity he gets for being left at the altar.
When MacLaren's bartender Doug (Will Sasso) catches the gang not sitting in their normal booth, he gets angry. Doug loved a fight and was weird about his hair (hated people who stared at it, as it was a toupee) and was very loyal to his regulars. Loyal to his regulars, Doug provokes a fight with the guys sitting in the booth and asks The Men to back him up. Marshall says there is nothing noble about fighting; he has gotten into plenty of fights with his brothers. Robin, Ted and Barney mock Marshall's fights, believing it to be family horseplay (like tickle contests with time-outs and cocoa breaks). Ted notes he has never been in a fight and heads out, Barney in tow (Barney has only ever fought 3 things, a stubborn clasp of a bra, 9 sexual harassment charges, urge to vomit when he sees someone wearing brown shoes with a black suit). Barney sees it as a chance to impress Robin who is turned out by a fight (if the guy is missing teeth, she is missing her pants). However, they find that Doug has dispatched the three men on his own.
Doug doesn't realize that Ted and Barney didn't help him. Barney convinces Ted to keep quiet about the two of them missing the fight and even punches Ted and himself in the face to cover up their non-involvement. Doug offers everyone but Marshall free drinks and excitedly tells everyone how Ted and Barney had his back. They revel in the attention, especially Barney who is particularly interested in the affections of Robin, who has an abnormal love for violence.
Meanwhile, Marshall maintains that he has taken the high road, but Robin, Ted and Barney mock him for being unmanly. That night in bed, Lily confirms that Marshall did the right thing and asks him to come give a talk to her class about not fighting as she has two boys fighting. However, even Lily's students mock him for not fighting.
Back in the bar, Ted and Barney regale the story of the fight to a couple of girls. However, seeing a few guys sitting in the booth again, they find they may have to start a second fight. The two guys have heard of the two: they are there to serve them Court summons. The guys they "beat up" are suing them and Doug for assault.
Ted and Barney immediately go to consult their lawyer: Marshall, who exaggerates the punishment for such an offense (serious prison time, even though Marshall knew the worst was a small civil fine) and they admit that Doug was the only one involved in the fight. Marshall takes great pleasure in telling Robin about how Barney was lying to them. Later, Marshall tells the gang about how he convinced the guys they "beat up" to drop the charges by explaining how unmanly Ted and Barney really are. They are only suing Doug now. However, this means that Doug now knows that Ted and Barney "threw him under a bus."
Out in the alley behind the bar, Doug confronts Barney and Ted. Barney runs away in fear. Marshall points out it was obvious that Ted didn't help in the fight. Doug understands that it was just him in the fight, but is hurt that Ted and Barney didn't have his back. He insults Ted by saying, "no wonder your fiance left you." Ted punches him.
Having never been in a fight before, Ted doesn't realize how much he would hurt his hand by punching Doug in the face. Doug punches Ted right back and knocks him out. Ted has learned his lesson. He would later explain to both his own kids and Lily's class about how he learned that one should never get in a fight.
Of course, Ted leaves out part of the story: After punching out Ted, Doug was himself punched out by Marshall. Turns out that Marshall and his brothers' fights weren't horseplay, but were violent brawls. Future Ted suggests that his kids never get on Marshall's bad side.
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