- Marshall Eriksen: If I could nail any celebrity, it would be Lily, because she's the star of my heart.
- Lily Aldrin: Aw! Mine would be Hugh Jackman.
- Ted Mosby: Good morning, lying bastards. Anything you want to lie about before I head off to work to get fired?
- Barney Stinson: That's a nice shirt.
- Ted Mosby: You're the Devil.
- Barney Stinson: Marshall, what you're suggesting is an elaborate,long-term lie that requires tremendous commitment. A nice guy like you can't pull that off.
- Marshall Eriksen: Sure I can.
- Barney Stinson: Lie to me right now.
- Marshall Eriksen: Okay. I have a spaceship.
- Barney Stinson: What kind of fuel powers your spaceship?
- Marshall Eriksen: Okay, I don't have a spaceship.
- Barney Stinson: No! Stand your ground! If someone questions you, distract them from the original lie with more lies. Here, let me demonstrate. I own a pony. Ask me a question.
- Marshall Eriksen: Okay. Um, what color is your pony?
- Barney Stinson: Well, when I first got Dandelion, she was a deep, chestnut brown, but, sadly, her stable is located near a chemical plant, which contaminated the drinking water. So over time, she's turned a sickly, grayish-white color and there's nothing that the vet can do to fix her.
- Marshall Eriksen: My God! I'm - That's horrible. Is Dandelion going to be okay?
- [Barney gives him a look]
- Marshall Eriksen: Okay. All right. Huh. You are good! Dandelion's not even sick, is she?
- Barney Stinson: Canada, you did it again! You even managed to ruin this! Why? Why do we even let you be a country?
- Lily Aldrin: How do you know all these?
- Barney Stinson: Canadiansexacts.org. It's bookmarked on the top right.
- Marshall Eriksen: Dot org?
- Barney Stinson: Yeah, it's not for profit. They really just want to get the information out there.
- Ted Mosby: I don't believe it. I just got screwed by my two best friends, and I didn't even know it.
- Lily Aldrin: In Canada, that's called a Sneaky Snowplow.
- Ted Mosby: Now when I go in there, I'm probably going to be fired. Best case scenario, my boss is going to ream me out in front of everybody.
- Robin Scherbatsky: Back home we call that a...
- Lily Aldrin: ...a Saskatoon Totem Pole. It's all in here.
- Barney Stinson: If I could nail any celebrity, it would have to be Scarlett Johansson. She's hot, she's talented, and any woman who does that many Woody Allen movies has to have major daddy issues.
- Bilson: Wood? Natural light? Uhhh, no! Natural light reminds the workers that there is an outside world where they have family and friends. We want to crush that! You show up in the dark. You go home in the dark. You spend your whole damn day... in the dark!
- Lily Aldrin: What the hell is a "Two-Hand Zamboni?"
- Robin Scherbatsky: Let's just say, the only thing the woman is wearing is skates on her hands.
- Lily Aldrin: A "Manitoba Milk Bag"?
- Robin Scherbatsky: Okay, it's like a "Chicago Mustache," but the person on the bottom is wearing a snowsuit.
- Lily Aldrin: A "Newfoundland Lobster Trap"?
- Robin Scherbatsky: Don't know. Don't want to know. Those Newfies are out of control.
- Barney Stinson: So how'd it all go down between you and Bilson?
- Ted Mosby: Well, after he proposed a vocational paradigm shift, I made an impromptu presentation using a four-pronged approach that really brought him to his knees.
- Barney Stinson: Hit him with a chair?
- Ted Mosby: Yep.
- Barney Stinson: That's my boy.
- Ted Mosby: What is an E.T.R.?
- Barney Stinson: It's an Employee Transition Room
- Ted Mosby: What does that mean?
- Barney Stinson: Well, it's a space where a supervisor and an employee engage in a knowledge transfer about an impending vocational paradigm shift.
- Marshall Eriksen: People get fired here
- Narrator: In the spring of 2009 I'd been hired to design a new headquarters for Goliath National Bank. And I was eager to add as much of my voices as an architect into the plan as possible.
- Ted Mosby: Woodbeams bathed in natural light in the atrium. They're gonna love it!
- Narrator: There was only one problem and his name was Bilson.
- Bilson: Wood? Natural light? Oh, no! Natural light reminds employees that there is an outside world where they have family and friends. We want to crush that! You arrive in the dark, you come home in the dark. You spend your whole damn day in the dark!
- Marshall Eriksen: I need to hear Lily's voice.
- Bilson: We're scrapping the plan for the new GNB headquarters. This recession is killing us. We're cutting anything non-essential. And I have a lot of tough choices to make during our company retreat in Saint Croix.
- Marshall Eriksen: Man, Ted is gonna be devastated.
- Bilson: Not when he hears it coming from his best friend.
- Barney Stinson, Marshall Eriksen: I have to tell him?