Two and a Half Men (TV Series)

My Son's Enormous Head (2009)

Charlie Sheen: Charlie Harper

Photos 

Quotes 

• Russell : [at pharmacy]  What else?

  Charlie Harper : Uhm... let's see. Cough syrup.

  Russell : Regular or codeine?

  Charlie Harper : Don't you need a prescription for codeine?

  Russell : What are you, a cop?

• Jake Harper : Maybe she has an STD.

  Charlie Harper : What?

  Jake Harper : I mean, sexually transmitted disease.

  Charlie Harper : I know what STDs are.

  Alan Harper : Your uncle helped invent them.

  Jake Harper : You know they can be prevented by using a condom.

  Charlie Harper : I know we could have prevented you by using a condom. Now, we gotta use a hammer.

  Jake Harper : I don't understand.

  Charlie Harper : Go get me a hammer and I'll show you.

  Jake Harper : Okay.

  [Jake goes to the garage] 

  Charlie Harper : [to Alan]  You must be so proud.

  Jake Harper : [offscreen, from the garage]  Ballpeen or claw hammer?

  Alan Harper : Do me a favor. When he gets back, just do it.

• Charlie Harper : [Alan is about to watch "The Bridges of Madison County" on TV]  Hey! What are you doing up?

  Alan Harper : Watching a Clint Eastwood movie.

  Charlie Harper : [Minutes later]  This isn't a Clint Eastwood movie.

  Alan Harper : Yes, it is.

  Charlie Harper : Even Clint Eastwood doesn't think this is a Clint Eastwood movie.

• Chelsea : [wakes up sick in the middle of the night]  Maybe I should go home.

  Charlie Harper : Well, if you think that's the right thing to do...

  Chelsea : [angry]  Charlie! It's the middle of the night and I'm sick! I'm *not* going home!

  Charlie Harper : Then why'd you say you were?

  Chelsea : I was testing you.

  Charlie Harper : Yeah... well... I knew that and I was testing you. I think we both did very well.

• Chelsea : Could you go to the pharmacy for me?

  Charlie Harper : For you, I would go to the ends of the Earth.

  [to himself] 

  Charlie Harper : Coming back is a different question.

• Charlie Harper : You know, I just realized something.

  Alan Harper : That cough syrup and hard liquor don't mix?

  Charlie Harper : No, they're delightful.