- Gossip Girl heads to the Hamptons as summer comes to a close; Serena and Nate fake a relationship as a cover for Nate's affair with a married woman.
- As the summer of the Upper East Siders comes to a close, Blair returns from her summer trip to Europe with a charming new boyfriend, named James, just to make Chuck jealous when she takes him to the Hamptons to spend the last few weeks of the summer with her. However, 'James' is hiding a secret of his own from everyone. Serena, struggling to get over her breakup with Dan, takes a liking to a young lifeguard. Meanwhile, Nate gets involved in a steamy relationship with an older woman, named Catherine whom is married. While Rufus is still on tour with his band, Dan has remained in New York to take a job with a demanding magazine editor, and has gone on a dating spree to get over his breakup with Serena, while Jenny has taken a job at a fashion company working under the cynical, devil-incarnated Laurel, who holds Jenny back for she sees ambitious interns as a threat to her own job.—Anonymous
- Previously on Gossip Girl: Total year-long recap.... the story continues!
Welcome to the Hamptons -- and Nate's sexy make-out session. Bangs Boy is enacting his own private Abercrombie commercial with a hot Serena-like blonde. How do we know it's not Serena? Emphasis is on Nate's skin, not his girl's.... oh by the way, did you know there are lots of old buildings and mansions and beaches in the Hamptons? Nate and his girl finally speak... though hold on there, this is an actual real woman, Madchen Amick of Twin Peaks fame to be precise! (Isn't she old enough to be his.... older sister?) Between kisses he moans he's been waiting for this all day, she asks if Serena minds being his cover (aha!), Nate says she doesn't, and all S knows is that he's seeing someone but not who.
A car drives by, rattling Mystery Lady -- she suggests her place? Nate is surprised, as he's never been invited over. Looks like a play date!
More kissing, even more... and more... getting a little warm in here!
Meanwhile, Chuck is on the beach in a striped shirt and old man hat, surrounded by three beauties. He goes on about geometry as they take their tops off.... Looks like Mr. Bass is back in full swing! But uh-oh -- a text from Gossip Girl informs him Blair has been spotted at Charles de Gaulle en route back to NYC. What would bring Queen B back home from her two dads before Labor Day? Everyone is curious! And Chuck looks wistful, but turns his attention back to the ladies.
Serena's also on the beach, in some silky thing that looks a bit too 70s-ish. She spies Chuck, looks disgusted, and walks away.... Gossip Girl informs us that the hot buzz is on Serena and Nate's summer romance.... but then why is Serena always spotted solo? What if she knew that Dan, aka LonelyBoy, wasn't so lonely.....?
Meanwhile, back in Manhattan, Dan is smooching an anonymous brunette in a bookstore as some author drones on in the background. Ah -- turns out Dan is his assistant for the summer, that is when he's not making out in the stacks. Total insider guest turn -- it's Jay McInerney (Bright Lights, Big City) as Famous Author Jeremiah Harris! You would think he is not the kind of guy who would be on a show like this.... (Check out the first line of Mr. McInerney's first novel for the reference.) Sexy brunette gives Dan her phone number. He smirks, she smiles and walks away as Jeremiah Harris walks up..... speaking of, where is Dan's story, the one he's required to turn in to complete his internship -- and speaking of, where is Mr. McInerney's drama coach? Help is needed, stat! Dan falters, Famous Author Jeremiah Harris dangles the Paris Review in front of young aspiring author, and curtly tells him he needs to finish it... maybe now is not a bad time?
Oops! Sexy brunette number two saunters up to Dan -- she was supposed to meet him there! Dan evades suavely, saying maybe another time? She's all, like, OK! Gossip Girl rechristens LonelyBoy as PlayBoy. Guess a break-up with Serena was just what the doctor ordered!
Now we're at Eleanor Waldorf's design sweatshop, where Jenny is enduring her own internship. Unlike big brother, Jenny's actually working, a lot, and asks Ms. Devil-Wears-Prada boss (who's in charge while Eleanor's in Europe) if she can show her something.... a lovely white dress.... that maybe Evil Boss would like to wear to this weekend's White Party in the Hamptons? Evil Boss figuratively rips into Jenny's "Holly Hobby frock" and says no way would she wear a white ("it's not even white, it's bone!") lace dress to the Vitamin Water party (they're sponsoring it) this weekend, just so Jenny's design would get exposure in W magazine. Nice try, Cinderella -- meanwhile, match up this huge box of buttons. If you do, you still can't go the ball!
Jenny takes her buttons back to Brooklyn and Dan -- mom is apparently staying with them while Rufus is on the road, but tonight she's at Tony Award-winning musical South Pacific. Brother and sister exchange sibling barbs, with Jenny wondering why Dan hasn't finished his story yet. Maybe if he did, she'd find out why he and Serena broke up! Back to your buttons, Jenny!
Dan's computer screen reveals he's written nothing but the title -- 05.19.08.
In the Hamptons, a very plaid Chuck is glowering into the mirror as Serena walks in. He says he's off to see the twins at the Lily Pond, she wonders if the flowers on his bed are for a certain best friend of Serena's who's freshly back from Paris and taking the Jitney up to the Hamptons? Chuck glowers more and says no. Serena is coolly pleased -- she doesn't want Chuck messing with her best friend's emotional landscape. Oh, Chuck should take relationship advice from someone in a fake relationship? Serena is still implacable -- "good luck on your suicide mission!"
Spotted: Chuck Bass waiting at the Jitney, roses in hand in a salmon (we think) jacket... he spots Blair.... she spots him.... and instead gives a hunky blonde guy handling her luggage a big kiss! Chuck is crushed, angry, sad... Blair turns and gives Chuck her evil smug-as-a-bug-in-a-rug look. Gossip Girl gleefully informs us that karma's a bitch.... and so is Blair Waldorf!
Back after commercial break -- did you know there are lots of nice, pretty, old buildings in the Hamptons? And lots of trendy shops? And windmills, too! And restaurants! And mansions! At one of said mansions, Serena and Blair are lounging poolside, doing an East Coast rendition of Summer and .... what was Mischa Barton's character's name on The OC..... oh yeah, Marissa! (Mischa, how easily we forgot.) Blair is upbraiding S for just sitting around all summer, eating takeout and watching The Closer (product placement....? Or statement on strong blondes? We are confused). Serena quickly puts to rest those Nate rumors, saying they got people off her back and let Bangs Boy do whatever he wanted.
So Serena had no fun, with anyone, this summer? Blair is agog. Serena hedges, says there was a cute lifeguard who asked her out, but she said no. Blair is even more agog -- a hot lifeguard is like Kleenex: use once and throw away! Rebound time! Serena says she's not sure she's still over Dan... Blair gets her next best line again within a minute, saying the only thing worse than dating Dan Humphrey is *mourning* Dan Humphrey! Stop sitting shiva, Serena!
Chuck saunters by in a Nautica-sailboat shirt on his cellphone.... something about meeting those twins again. Blair changes conversational gears immediately, babbling on to Serena about "James" who is apparently the greatest guy ever! Giggle, giggle! Gin martinis, Bulgari necklaces... Serena is confused, but then sees Chuck and plays along gracefully. Girls are laughing -- oh he sounds so great! Swept him off her feet! Chuck calls Blair on it -- she's lying, doing that thing where her eyes don't match her mouth. Blair offers up a slightly more literate version of "Am not!" but then steps back a second... yes, she was sad waiting in Tuscany, but she made a friend (that would be Ben the "jump seat" intern who Chuck had fired) who introduced her to James... Chuck is still unbelieving. Would Chuck like to get to know James at dinner tonight? Blair is happy to invite him over! See you at seven, Chuck! Now, Serena, about that lifeguard, and a quick stop at Nate's, as he has something of Blair's she needs back.
Rufus is on his tour bus, chatting with Jenny via cellphone. Jenny's working on her dress, and informs dad that it seems like Dan is rebounding nicely -- even Vanessa has noticed he doesn't need any emotional support (no appearance of V, though). Oh, how did the dress go over, Jenny? It didn't, dad..... Well then, Rufus tell her to wear it herself! But Jenny was so not invited to the party! Um, maybe she should ask Eric van der Woodsen? Jenny says that's so not a good idea, since she was like totally mean to him the last time they talked. Rufus says call Eric.
Famous Author Jeremiah Harris is in a stereotypical writer's perch -- a bar -- as Dan walks in. More bad acting from Mr. McInerney ensues.... the upshot is, Dan doesn't seem to be serious about writing, so since Dan turned in no story, no letter of recommendation from Famous Author. Dismissed, Brooklyn Boy! Drop the spare key in the mail!
Eric is walking on the beach in the Hamptons... he now appears to be about 15-1/2 instead of 14. He answers his phone long enough to tell Jenny he's in the mood to hang up on her, but she begs for a chance. She wants something, doesn't she? Well, yes, but... Jenny goes into sincere apology mode.... he was the only person who was really friends with her, and she treated him the worst. Eric is moved, though putting on a bit of a mean show, but does say he wants to be friends for real. Hmmm.... Jenny asks, is he in the Hamptons right now?
Serena's putting on make-up as a honk announces her lifeguard date has arrived.... oh god, and he drives a Camaro! And not in an ironic-I-drive-a-Camaro way! S is appalled. Blair wishes her well and sends S off... oh, if anyone asks, she's with Nate? Blair wonders, where *is* Nate?
Answer: getting hot and heavy again with Mystery Lady, though they have moved from car to bedroom now. Nate's shirt comes off between bantering and heavy breathing. She pushes him onto the bed to shut him up, the camera lovingly caresses Nate's torso as....
... Chuck, wearing a sage green jacket and bowtie, is pouring ice tea for James. Is grilling about to ensue? A game of Who Knows Blair Best? After round one of Blair's Two Dads it's onto Favorite Movies..... um, no, Chuck, I like Funny Face third, not Charade! Eric jumps in about how playing "How Well You Know Blair Waldorf?" is kind of boring for those of us who do -- thanks, Eric! Serena's formerly bitchy grandmother, now in benign mode, calls Chuck on his shenanigans too. James is all loving, and Blair approves. Pass her the salt and pepper, please! James extends his polo-sweater-sheathed arm across the table.... and Chuck spies Blair's heart pendant on his sleeve! (It's the one she gave to Nate ages ago) Chuck is shaken, not stirred, and excuses himself... just lost his appetite. Blair won that round, but sad music plays as she runs after Chuck. She catches up with him on a luscious green lawn with artful trees. Chuck soberly asks about the pin -- he knows she gave it to Nate when she first professed her love for Bangs Boy. Does she feel the same about this James? She does (though obviously she doesn't!). Chuck walks away quietly.... "I'll see you at school." Blair's eyes fill with tears.
Blair pulls it together and heads back to the table..... oh, her pin must have gotten caught on James's sleeve! She plucks it off nimbly as James tells her he didn't feel a thing. Neither did she, she replies. Ouch!
(We neglected to mention earlier Blair's absolutely perfect green print summer frock with matching floral headband -- best outfit so far!)
Back in Mystery Lady's bedroom, she and Nate are basking in the afterglow of his torso as a car drives up outside.... it's Mr. Mystery Lady! Driving a spiffy sports car, too. Mystery Lady coolly assesses the situation and tells naked Nate he has two options -- under the bed or out the window! Huh?!?!??! Your *husband* is here?? Out the window goes Nate, clad in boxers, grabbing his clothes, running into the street.... and almost into a speeding Camaro! Serena is shocked.... but gets a bigger shock when she sees Mystery Lady smooching her husband across the street. S finally puts two and two together. For some reason, she's irked.
After another commercial, we're back in the Hamptons. Did you know they have swans? And windmills? And lots of brand-name shops? It's true!
"Damn that MotherChucker!" Blair moans to Serena. Blair hates that Chuck is totally on the money: she had a miserable summer, met James on the plane, and enlisted him to be her boyfriend for appearances only. Serena is supportive..... was it that bad? Yes! All Blair could see was the face of that "Chuck BassTard!" Argh!
Meanwhile, Chuck and Nate are also walking down the picturesque Hamptons streets, Wait - Chuck's not going to the White Party? No -- better pickings in the city.... and he won't have to see Blair's call boy!
Back to Blair -- James is so boring! Do you know how hard it is to find a fake boyfriend on short notice! She's done with him! Now that Chuck is leaving, B can dump Jamesy-James and go to the White Party stag. Oh, how was your lifeguard date, Serena? Ugh - don't ask!
Back to Chuck -- he never believed the rumors Nate and Serena were an item. Just then, they bump into the girls! Good morning, says Chuck. It was.... until now! Blondes and brunettes pair off, as Blair and Chuck bicker, while Serena calls Nate on his "older" mystery girlfriend, who's married to boot! Nate says don't worry -- Catherine (ah, she has a name! And Serena knows her!) broke it off. Meanwhile, Chuck and Blair start arguing about where James goes to college -- Princeton! No, Georgetown! Princeton! Georgetown! Serena, let's go!
Chuck calls up Eric -- can the little genius get on the computer and dig up the 411 on James? Chuck's in a mood to be right. Nate rolls his eyes into his bangs.
Dan's kvetching on the phone to Rufus about being fired from his internship.... yes, Dan knows he has writer's block because he hasn't resolved his feeling about Serena. Rufus says stop writing and face things!
Whoa - Nate, Eric and Chuck are playing croquet (!) as Chuck is wearing an argyle vest (!!), shorts and matching argyle socks (!!!). The riot of color distracts from Eric's findings, which prove James went to neither Georgetown nor Princeton! Chuck pegs him as "The Untalented Mr. Ripley" and thinks he's trying to gain entree into the upper class via brokenhearted Blair. Time to call in the big guns.... background check! And maybe an appearance at the White Party now...
Serena busts out onto the lawn -- oh, she's supposed to be Nate's date for the White Party?! News to her! Why does she still have to be Nate's cover? Nate has no answer, yet.
James and Blair are walking their bikes in the park -- no need to ride them! She's about to break up with him when she gets a text from Chuck. He'll be seeing her at the White Party after all! Blair screws her courage to the sticking place, puts on a big fake smile, and asks boring James if he'd like to go to the White Party tonight.
Nate is explaining to Serena -- he has to go to the White Party to see Catherine with her husband. Serena balks at the notion, but agrees to go for her friend. Nicey-nice moment all around. Uh oh.... guess who just got off the Jitney? Brooklyn Dan!
After the commercial: Hamptons. Windmills. Mansions. Fancy cars. You know the drill. Girls and boys in white at the White Party, which is sponsored by.... Vitamin Water! Did you get your Vitamin Water? So many colors and flavors! Frolicking ensues as Jenny and Eric arrive -- her dress is super cute, by the way. Jenny walks by Evil Boss (oh, did you know this party was sponsored by Vitamin Water?) who does a double take at little miss intern.
Serena is decked out like a Greek goddess, while Nate has a cardigan on over an almost see-through white t-shirt. They pass Catherine and Mr. Catherine... Catherine hisses at Nate, who then asks Serena to get him drunk.
A knock at the van der Woodsen mansion reveals.... Dan! Serena's grandmother is truly surprised. No, Serena isn't home, but she knows where she is. Evil grandmother is suddenly *very* nice to Dan..... she reveals that her cancer is in remission, as is her previous attitude. She can tell Serena has feelings for Dan, and Brooklyn Boy is going to escort Grandma van der W to the White Party (did you know it's sponsored by Vitamin Water?).
James and Blair are at the party... he has something important to say to her, he feels he's wronged her somehow, his feelings have deepened. Blair ignores him until she sees Chuck and then turns on the charm: you're so funny, James, ha ha! I could just listen to you all day! Smooching ensues, but James is not as dumb as he appears, and sees Blair's using him. He's all frowny-face.
Jenny is at the bar -- Vitamin Water, please? (Did you know this party's sponsored by it?) Evil Boss saunters up.... how *did* the little intern get in, and in *that* dress? Your name isn't on the list! And who could *you* possibly be the plus-one for? Just then, Eric walks up with famous socialite Tinsley Mortimer (an actual real person, by the way), who blows off Evil Boss to gush over Jenny's dress. Mutual gushing ensues.... Tinsley's acting is about as good as Mr. McInerney's. Oh, is Jenny wearing one of her own designs? She is? Love it!
Blair, in a dress that appears to be make entirely out of paper doilies, runs after James -- what's wrong? You've been using me, he says. I have not! Awkward bantering ensues, with a requisite mention of Charade ("You're so good at it"). Blair tries to explain, but James will have none of it. She doesn't even like him, does she? Blair fesses up, and James puts her down for being too self-interested. She and Chuck deserve each other! As James stomps off, Chuck arrives to rub salt in the wound. Blair finally lets him have it - it's all his fault for standing her up in Tuscany! Chuck insinuates in the least romantic way they should be together, since they're so alike. Blair is shocked and appalled -- she will never be like Chuck! Ever!
(Oh, did you know this party is sponsored by Vitamin Water?)
Serena is trying to cheer up Nate, just as Catherine sneers at him again. Nate wishes he could make her feel as bad as he does right now. Wait - Serena has an idea! She sticks her tongue as far down Nate's throat as possible, making Catherine sneer even more. Nate and S pull apart, giggling... to reveal Dan! He's angry, Serena is chastened.
Quickly, Serena tries to explain. It's not what is seems! There's a reason! Dan is frustrated -- isn't there always? He mocks her: "I did something for this reason I can't explain because of this person I can't name for a reason I can't tell you about." (I'm paraphrasing here) It's too much drama for Brooklyn Boy, who just then runs into the bookstore brunettes, who take him to task for double-dipping. Colorful martinis are poured onto Dan's white jacket. Serena is smug.
Nate is inside pining -- or just looking very blank -- when Catherine hauls him around a corner. She can't believe he tried to make her jealous! Did it work, he asks. Completely! More tongue action for Nate!
Serena's in the kitchen trying to get the colorful martini stains out of Dan's jacket, while he poses in a whiter-than-white tank top. (Nipple alert -- must be very cold in that kitchen, Dan!) Brooklyn Boy finally admits he hasn't been able to get Serena out his mind all summer.... she's suddenly vulnerable. They stumble over their words and finally kiss.... let's get out of here? Meet you at the beach? Dan wonders what he's getting into, but sees Grandma van der W, and they share a smile. Touching!
Blair has finally tracked down James, and comes clean about her shenanigans. She just needed him to look good, which he does... alas, he's not biting. But wait! James says they have something in common! He was trying to tell her earlier... he hasn't been honest... he didn't go to Georgetown, or Princeton, or any other school. (Meanwhile, Chuck has just received a call with intel on Mr. Non-James.) OMG - James is really named Marcus Beaton..... and he's developed a British accent straight out of a cut-rate Jane Austen miniseries! He's a "lord"! Blair is pleased beyond pleased, giggly and happy. (Uh-oh, looks like Chuck knows about His Lordship too, and is displeased beyond displeasure.) James/Marcus explains that women usually only like him for his title, so he tried being a common American, and that's how he met Blair. Blair is giggly and excited, but also seems sincere about trying to get to know him, though she does slip and call him "Mi-Lord." Let's try to get to know each other, shall we?
Inside, Nate and Catherine part after canoodling in the powder room, and Evil Boss stalks up to Jenny and Eric at the Vitamin Water Bar (did you know this party is... oh you did? Great!). Evil Boss heard that Famous Socialite Tinsley Mortimer offered to help Jenny find another internship. Jenny admits yes, but says she wants to stay where she is -- she's learning a lot! Evil Boss is touched by Jenny's show of loyalty, and as the ultimate compliment calls Jenny by her actual, real name. Have a great weekend -- see you Monday!
Outside the White Party, Blair is waiting for Lord James of Marcus. Chuck saunters up again -- OMG, Chuck are you still trying to ruin my night?! No, Chuck is sincere this time. He made the wrong decision, distracted himself all summer, and... he's scared! Of intimacy! Please, he whispers, don't leave with James/Marcus. Blair says give her a reason -- and not "I'm Chuck Bass." He tries, she shakes her head.... three words, Chuck. Eight letters. Say it. Chuck gets out "I" and.... falters. Blair thanks him -- that's all she needed to hear. To Marcus she goes... Chuck, dressed like a marching band member who mated with Ralph Lauren, gets teary.
Nate is glowering/looking blank as Catherine walks by with Mr. Catherine, and she slips him a note. The Mercer Hotel, Friday noon? Nate is pleased.
At the beach, Dan is sitting by a fire, making notes in his little writer book, as Greek goddess Serena walks towards him, hesitantly.
Chuck finally does what we've been wanting to do all episode -- he forsakes all the ever-present Vitamin Water for a good stiff glass of Scotch. Sorrow-drowning time!
Dan finally looks up to see Serena. She is tentative, hoping... he finally smiles, as does she. The two embrace as fireworks go off and Gossip Girl reminds us that the end of summer is the beginning of a new season. You haven't seen nothing yet!
XOXO, Gossip Girl
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