- Bree reaps the success of her new book; Susan is determined to send M. J. to the best school; Gabrielle joins Edie's boot camp to get back into shape; Lee is conflicted over disturbing facts about Dave.
- "Desperate Housewives" - "Mama Spent Money When She Had None" - Feb. 8, 2009
As we see a $20 bill blow around the ground Mary Alice tells us that people in the suburbs don't talk about money. They don't have to. The ones who have it tell us with: the things they buy (Edie and Dave), their new appliances (Bob and Lee) and their manicured lawns (Orson and Bree). The ones who don't tell us with: their barbecues that need replacing (Mike), their houses that need painting (some lady we've never seen before), and their classic cars that need selling (as we see Lynette selling Tom's Mustang to a very happy customer.)
Lynette confides to Katherine, who has walked over, that she and Tom are broke- the economy is ruining business at Scavos, and Porter's legal fees were high. She asks her to keep it on the DL because she's embarrassed. Katherine says there's no need, that things are tough all over. And then Bree pulls up in a brand new car- her book just made the New York Times bestseller list and a $20 just blew onto her windshield!
Edie, Katherine, and Gaby are ooh-ing and ah-ing over the car. Lynette is not. Bree wonders what's up. Katherine lets slip about the Scavo money woes. Edie has also seen her recycling her cans for money! Gaby is aghast. Bree feels bad for rubbing her new Lexus in Lynette's face.
Susan is trying to get MJ into a hoity toity private school - Oak Ridge- and is interviewing with the headmaster. MJ is making things hard by kicking the desk and putting his hoodie over his head. They would love to have him. The only hitch is tuition.
Carlos wants to celebrate he and Gaby's anniversary at the Palm, he got a big bonus so they're almost rich again. Gaby is excited and wants to wear the dress from the night he proposed. He wonders if she can fit in that? She says she's been working out and she's one good colonic away from being the old her.
Bob and Lee are giving Tom sympathy in his garage about selling the car when Dave comes in. Tom says people don't want to buy pizza from an alleged arsonist's father. When Dave says "but Porter didn't do it," Bob and Lee exchange a look. Tom laments the loss of his midlife crisis. When Dave says he's so sorry, Bob rolls his eyes at Lee and the two offer condolences and take off. Lee asks Bob what's up. Bob tells Lee that going over the discovery in Porter's case he found out Dave is the one that placed Porter in the club when he wasn't even there. Lee wants to tell Tom and Lynette. Bob says it will just get ugly. Lee says he's okay with that. Bob says it's no longer their business and besides which he's kind of scared of Dave.
Gaby is struggling to get into the dress. She spies Edie running and tells her to wait. She wants to know how Edie's been losing weight. A boot camp exercise program that requires a recommendation and Edie won't give her one since she thinks Gaby will embarrass her since this is "real" exercise. Gaby says Edie's just afraid that she'll look better than her. Edie relents.
Mike balks at the private school tuition. Susan' s books aren't flying off the shelves and wonders if he can pick up more work. He's already crazy busy. She wonders what he did with money from a recent job. He says what he does with his money is none of her business anymore.
Bree offers Lynette a check over coffee. Lynette can't accept it. But can't help but peek, $20,000. Bree asks what the point of success is, if you can't share it with the people you love. Lynette says Bree won't love her anymore if she can't pay her back. Then she hits on the idea of making the money an investment in Scavo's. If the restaurant does well Bree will make money, if it goes belly up she'll get the first 20,000, and then the Scavos will move in with her. Bree agrees.
The leader of the boot camp - ex-Israeli Army- is trying to make Gaby sign a long contract to join his class. He's trying to impart how grueling it is and she's all "I was a fashion model, I know grueling." He's unconvinced.
At the boot camp he yells at the women doing crunches, calling them weak. Gaby is dry heaving, Edie yells at her to buck up or they'll all get in trouble. The instructor tells her to retch on her own time. She tries to call time out and says it's a bit and asks if there'll be a break soon. He screams her back down to her mat. Because Edie brought Gaby to the group, the instructor bumps up the run from 2 to 4 miles. Edie glares at Gaby.
Lee is ooh-ing and ah-ing over Katherine's new pearls and calls Susan over to look. Lee lets slip that Mike bought them for her.
Lynette goes over to the test kitchen to tell Bree that she and Tom want to throw a thank you party for Bree. Bree, on her way out and abuzz that she might design her own line of cookware, thinks they should make it a local launch party for her book and thereby help the restaurant and it's "dismal" business.
Susan is seething over Katherine's pearls and how they could've been tuition for MJ. She makes up an excuse to get Katherine out of her house and runs in looking through drawers. Of course Katherine comes home sooner than expected, Susan tries to hide under the bed, as she comes out Katherine, who had been taking a shower, flashes Susan thinking she's Mike. Susan grabs the pearls and runs. Katherine chases her out in a towel. A kid on a bike topples over at the sight. Susan explains about Mike and the tuition and how her plan to pawn Katherine's pearls does sound crazy now that she's saying it out loud. Katherine can't believe Mike wouldn't pay.
Mike sees Katherine and Susan talking on the stoop and knows it can't be good. Susan waves the pearls. They aren't real, he is forced to admit. He tells Katherine he's embarrassed and she tells him to never feel like he has to spend money to impress her, she's already impressed. They make out. Susan says enough already. After Katherine leaves, Mike dresses Susan down for thinking he could put his girlfriend before MJ and since he works from 6 a.m. to midnight that if "we're" falling short, in terms of money for MJ, it's not because of him. Susan is struck.
The phone rouses Gaby and it's the boot camp guy who tells her there is no quitting from his boot camp. He blows a whistle outside her house. When you don't come to boot camp, boot camp comes to you. She tells him to buzz off with all of the forbidden words from the contract. He sends Edie in after her and Edie calls her a selfish brat who doesn't care that the instructor will take it out on the rest of them if she quits. Gaby says some of the women need that, she didn't. Edie says it wasn't the instructor who got the ladies over but the ladies themselves who are trying to support Gaby's desire to get back into that dress. Edie says that the old Gaby is in fact back, sadly, and that she preferred poor, paunchy Gaby because at least she had some humility. Gaby comes out, chagrined.
At the Scavo party for Bree a fan tells her that her turkey tetrazzini saved their marriage. The fan says she can't wait to taste Bree's food. Bree is surprised that Lynette "thinks" she's serving Bree's recipe for 4-cheese pizza. She is aghast when she sees Lynette putting powdered parmesan on a pizza. Lynette assures her it's fine. When Lynette is called off to an emergency, Bree throws on an apron, commandeers a young new employee, and tosses the old pizza, saying they'll be making 3-cheese pizza tonight.
At the party Dave is clapping Tom on the shoulder and saying he's happy to see the place packed. Tom says Bree came through for them. Dave has been drinking and congratulates him again. Lee stops Tom and tells him that Dave is not his friend and takes him to a corner to talk.
As Lynette goes to take the trash out, she sees the discarded pizzas. She goes to grab Bree, who is signing copies of her book. She drags her to the dumpster and asks what's up. She says she wasn't comfortable having her recipes made with substandard ingredients. She says as 15 percent owner she decided to change the parmesan and that people are raving about the pizza. Lynette says they might be raving about hers too if it wasn't in the garbage. Bree says she'll reimburse Lynette. Lynette complains that Bree is lording her success over others and that she hasn't had as many breaks. Bree protests that she's worked hard. Lynette protests that she has as well but that she hasn't been as successful. Bree counters that people make their own success. So, she's engineered her own failure, asks Lynette? No, but she does cut corners and Bree wants to "teach" her about attention to detail. Lynette is livid that the thank you party she wanted to throw Bree has turned into a chance for her to "learn." She stalks off and Bree says she doesn't know why Lynette is so upset. Lynette says the Bree of 5 years ago would know. Then Lynette accidentally backs into Bree's car.
The seamstress is nervous about the dress. It fits Gaby perfectly. The seamstress loves it and says Gaby's just like she was before. Gaby offers her gratitude and a hug.
There is a knock on a door. Dave opens the door and Tom punches him and says he knows what he did. Dave says he didn't say Porter did it, only that he saw him. Tom snarls that Porter wasn't there. Dave says the cops were really grilling him and he had to tell them what he thought he saw and that he'd been drinking and it was dark. Tom says he almost ruined their lives, their business. Dave apologizes and says he will make it up to him and Lynette. Tom sagely points out that if he had told Lynette, Dave would be dead. Tom goes to swing at him again. Dave gets him in a chokehold and neutralizes him in an incredibly forceful way that freaks Tom out. Dave releases Tom and says he thought they were friends. Tom says he thought so too but he doesn't know who Dave is and walks away. Dave yells after him.
Reading in bed later that night with Edie and she wants to know about Dave's first wife. She just wants to ask one question, even though he's uncomfortable. She asks what the biggest difference is between being married to his first wife and Edie. He says being married to Edie is more real. His first marriage was like a fairy tale that he thought would never end. Now that he knows that love is temporary and that the fairytale ends in death he works harder to live in the moment. This does not cheer her.
Since Susan can't afford tuition to Oak Ridge she offers her services as an art teacher since faculty get a 50 percent discount. The art department is all staffed up so the headmaster turns her down. She tries to convince him with a sob story about MJ's substandard public school. She says she will serve lunches, be a janitor, anything but she's not walking out on her son's future. He offers her a job as an art teacher's assistant. She takes it.
Lynette gives Bree a check for the damage to Bree's car. Bree tries to refuse. Lynette says the minute she's back on her feet she will reimburse her investment with interest as well. Bree says she doesn't want money to get in the way of their friendship. Lynette says it's too late for that.
Mary Alice returns to tell us that there's a lot you can do with money in the suburbs: pay for the night on the town (Carlos and Gaby), a private school education (Susan and MJ in his new uniform), buy a token of affection (Katherine and Mike). But the one thing you must never do with money is use it as a weapon because someone always gets hurt (as we see Bree tear up the check Lynette gave her).
Contribute to this page
Suggest an edit or add missing content
Top Gap
What is the Spanish language plot outline for Mama Spent Money When She Had None (2009)?
Answer