- Jason: Hey, how's the on-line dating going?
- Bradley: Good, but you know, it can be a little weird. Cause everybody exagerates, you know. It's... like I went to hook up last week at this hotel, so I check in, there's a knock at the door, and it's like this 50 year old black guy.
- [his friends all groan]
- Bradley: Yeah, and he's pissed. He's like, starts yelling at me. You're not a body builder, you're a liar. And I'm like: I'm a liar? What about you? You're not a twelve year old boy.
- Bjork: Greetings, Snarf. How is your skeleton?
- Weekend Update Anchor: Um... good? How is your skeleton?
- Bjork: It's itchy!
- Bjork: Right now, Iceland gets all of its revenue from three sources: Fishing, Dragons and Screaming.
- Weekend Update Anchor: [addressing Kellog's in 'Really!' segment] Also I checked out your website. Did you know you have a recipe for Desert Nachos? And then you make Cookie Straws to drink the left-over milk out of the waffle cereal you also make? Every one of your products sounds like a wish a Genie granted at a Phish concert. I mean, really!
- Weekend Update Anchor: So, how can your country rebound from this collapse?
- Bjork: First we should change our currency. Instead of using paper money, I think we should pay for things with clouds.
- Weekend Update Anchor: Yeah, I'm starting to think you're not the most qualified person to talk about Iceland's economy.
- Bjork: Oh snarf!
- Weekend Update Anchor: Oh, and parents, if your kid says 'Michael Phelps smokes pot, why can't I?' just say "You can, right after you win twelve gold medals for your country."
- Weekend Update Anchor: If you're at a party and you see Michael Phelps smoking a bong, and your first thought isn't "Wow, I get to party with Michael Phelps," and instead you take a picture of him and sell it to a tabloid, you should take a long look in the mirror, because you're a dick! I mean, really!