The Happytime Murders (2018)

Dorien Davies: Sandra

Photos 

Quotes 

• Sandra : Clean up on aisle Phil.

• Sandra : He won't shoot me! He's a blue loser puppet with a tiny felt cock!

• Phil Philips : It's over, Sandra.

  Sandra : What are you gonna do, shoot me?

  Phil Philips : I messed up, Sandra. I missed the shot, and I ruined all of our lives in the process, and I live with that guilt every day. I'm sorry.

  Sandra : That's so sweet. But go fuck yourself.

  Phil Philips : Larry and Jenny didn't have anything to do with this. None of them did. Why'd you have to keep killing the whole gang?

  Sandra : I wanted to watch you suffer. This all started as revenge, but you made me realize I like killing. And I'm really fucking good at it. Like, Manson-level good. And now, with $10 million, I can do anything.

  Phil Philips : All right, so you're a psycho.

  Sandra : Maybe, but sex is always better with a psycho. Right, honey?

  Jenny : Yeah, especially felt ones.

  Sandra : Because our vaginas are literally velvet.

• Phil Philips : You can't actually like me for these murders.

  Agent Campbell : We like you very much for these murders.

  Phil Philips : What's my motive?

  Agent Campbell : The reason most men do stupid things. A woman.

  [he turns the lights off and a one-way mirror to an adjacent room opens] 

  Agent Campbell : Enjoy the show.

  Phil Philips : [seeing Sandra inside]  What the hell is she doing here?

  Connie Edwards : Who is that?

  Phil Philips : It's Sandra White. She's one of my clients.

  Lt. Banning : Actually, her name is Sandra Peterson. She walked into the federal building this morning and said you murdered her wife, Jenny Peterson.

  Phil Philips : Hey, I didn't murder anybody.

  Connie Edwards : I didn't know Jenny was even married.

  Phil Philips : Neither did I.

  Lt. Banning : [turning on the intercom]  Let's listen in.

  Sandra : Well, he said that he killed them. The entire Happytime Gang, even his own brother.

  Phil Philips : What?

  Agent Campbell : And why would he do that?

  Sandra : We've been having an affair, and he wanted to run away together. He said he killed them all so that I would get my wife Jenny's share, and then I'd be rich, and he could have me all to himself.

  Phil Philips : I should have kept my fuzzy blue in my pants.

• Jenny : Drop it, Phil.

  Phil Philips : You definitely look hotter than the last time I saw you.

  Sandra : You fell for every trap. Men are so stupid.

  Jenny : Drop that gun, Phil. I don't wanna hurt you.

  Phil Philips : No, you just wanna use me, like Sandra used you.

  Jenny : You don't know what you're talking about.

  Phil Philips : Oh, come on, Jenny. She seduced you and married you just to get to me.

  Sandra : Shoot him, baby.

  Jenny : I don't know, babe. It's, like, he's not gonna sprout wings and fly after us. I think we should just get on the plane and take off. We're free and clear already.

  Phil Philips : Jenny, Jenny, listen to me, listen to me. 12 years ago, I took an innocent man's life. That man was Sandra's father.

  Sandra : [whacking Sandra upside the head with a suitcase]  By the way, I want a divorce.

• Sandra : Stop right there!

  Phil Philips : Oh, what the fuck? Ewards! You all right?

  Connie Edwards : [with a gun to her head]  It's deja fucking vu, Phil.

  Phil Philips : Oh, no, no, no. Oh, fuck me, it's a gun to the head. How'd she get the drop on you?

  Connie Edwards : 'Cause she's like a fuckin' spider monkey.

  Phil Philips : Damn! She got me that way, too.