Albert's Memorial (2009 TV Movie)

David Jason: Harry

Quotes 

• [Harry and Frank are going to visit Albert who is terminally ill in hospital] 

  Harry : Tell you what, I couldn't end up in a place like this, even if my life depended on it. In fact, if I die, please God not in a hospital.

  Frank : [drily]  What do you mean, "if"?

• [Albert has asked Harry and Frank to take his body from the morgue and bury it in Germany when he dies. Harry, who is a taxi-driver, thinks that there could be a problem with doing this...] 

  Harry : It's against my licence to carry a corpse... or a rabid dog, come to think of it.

  Frank : [angrily]  Fine, I'll order a mini-cab!

  Harry : All right, all right. But if they catch us, they'll certify us. How would you like to spend the rest of your life in a padded cell?

  Frank : [angrily]  No problem... just so long as it isn't with you.

• [last words: Harry and Frank have just told each other that they are terminally ill, but they plan to make a final journey - to Vienna for Frank and to Venice for Harry - in Harry's taxi] 

  Frank : D'you think she'll make it?

  Harry : What, the old cab? Yes - she's only got 270,000 on the clock. That's hardly run in - a bit like us, really.

  [they chuckle]