Chuck (TV Series)

Chuck Versus the Suburbs (2009)

Zachary Levi: Chuck Bartowski

Photos 

Quotes 

• Chuck Bartowski : Casey, I'm handcuffed.

  John Casey : Relax, handcuffs are a cinch.

  Chuck Bartowski : Really?

  John Casey : Yeah, there's a bone in your thumb. Tiny bone. Real easy to break. What you're gonna wanna do is apply torsional pressure until it snaps.

  Chuck Bartowski : I'm not going to break my bone!

  John Casey : Well, in that case, you are screwed!

• Sarah Walker : Can I ask you a question?

  Chuck Bartowski : Sure.

  Sarah Walker : This is the worst Valentine's Day ever, right?

  Chuck Bartowski : Come on, don't be silly.

  Sarah Walker : Please, you're not going to offend me.

  Chuck Bartowski : There's gotta be someone somewhere having a far worse Valentine's Day.

  [Cut to Casey sitting alone in his apartment] 

• Chuck Bartowski : Are you enjoying this whole Martha Stewart thing? I can't believe it. Please tell me you're not going soft on me.

  Sarah Walker : Just shut up and eat your breakfast.

  Chuck Bartowski : You better be careful, Sarah. One day you might actually turn into a real girl.

• Ellie Bartowski : Well, what happened, what went wrong?

  Chuck Bartowski : I guess something that's been wrong from the start. You know?

  Ellie Bartowski : Are... you guys aren't breaking up, are you?

  Chuck Bartowski : No, no, no, no, no. Trust me. Sarah's not going anywhere.

  Ellie Bartowski : Chuck, I guess I - I don't - I don't know what you're saying exactly.

  Chuck Bartowski : Look El, I know how much you love Sarah. And I know how much you love the idea of us, and us moving forward with you and Devon, but we're not anything like you guys.

  Ellie Bartowski : But you guys seem so perfect.

  Chuck Bartowski : Yeah, I know. I guess. But being in that house with her, it was so close to being perfect. The way I had pictured it would be. Then I realized what was wrong with that picture... And it was us. Sarah and I are never going to be anything more than we are now. But you know what? I'm okay with that.

• Sarah Walker : Look, we understand if this makes you uncomfortable.

  Chuck Bartowski : Breaking my fake wedding vows? Nah, forget about it. I'm golden.

  [to Casey] 

  Chuck Bartowski : Just hit me with another spritz of that, would you.

  [Casey spritzes Chuck once in the face. Slight pause, then he spritzes Chuck again below the belt] 

  Chuck Bartowski : Why here?

• John Casey : 'Fraid you two are going to have to drop your dating cover for this particular mission.

  Sarah Walker : No problem.

  Chuck Bartowski : What is it? Thai street racing gang, Urkranian prostitution?

  John Casey : No. No. For this mission you and Agent Walker are going to be married.

  [Casey shows them two rings and hands them over] 

  John Casey : You two kids are going to the suburbs. Good luck as a normal couple.

• Chuck Bartowski : Zip it, that is your wedding craziness right there. So keep that! That's yours. We're just house sitting, it's no big deal.

  Ellie Bartowski : Okay, fine. Can we call it "Cohabitating with your longterm girlfriend in a house that doesn't have posters that were hung in the 8th grade"?

• Chuck Bartowski : [Arriving out front half dressed speaking to Sarah]  You are never going to believe what happened to me over there!

  Brad : [Watching from a distance]  This ought to be good.

  [pause Sarah slaps Chuck and goes inside and slams the door shut] 

• Sylvia : Charles, I didn't expect you to come so quickly.

  Chuck Bartowski : Charles Carmichael *always* comes quickly.

  [awkward pause] 

  John Casey : [over the radio]  Smooth, Bartowski.

• Chuck Bartowski : Well gotta run. You know how it is the old ball and chain.

  Sylvia : Listen Charles, I just live right across the street. So... call me, when the honeymoon's over. I've got a chain too.

• John Casey : [finding a bug]  Looks like one of ours.

  Chuck Bartowski : [Chuck gets a flash]  Uh, correction. That *was* one of ours. That bug was stolen from a CIA substation in Omaha in '06. Now it belongs to FULCRUM.

  Sarah Walker : And here I thought we were looking for a garden variety terrorist.