- Chuck Bartowski: Casey, I'm handcuffed.
- John Casey: Relax, handcuffs are a cinch.
- Chuck Bartowski: Really?
- John Casey: Yeah, there's a bone in your thumb. Tiny bone. Real easy to break. What you're gonna wanna do is apply torsional pressure until it snaps.
- Chuck Bartowski: I'm not going to break my bone!
- John Casey: Well, in that case, you are screwed!
- Morgan Grimes: [to Chuck] Did you ever think that the two of us would ever wind up with smart, beautiful, sexually adventuresome girls on Valentine's Day?
- Big Mike: [Entering] The answer is NO! Two jackasses like you landing two hot pieces like Anna and blondie, it's a cruel trick of nature!
- Sarah Walker: Can I ask you a question?
- Chuck Bartowski: Sure.
- Sarah Walker: This is the worst Valentine's Day ever, right?
- Chuck Bartowski: Come on, don't be silly.
- Sarah Walker: Please, you're not going to offend me.
- Chuck Bartowski: There's gotta be someone somewhere having a far worse Valentine's Day.
- [Cut to Casey sitting alone in his apartment]
- Morgan Grimes: Gentlemen, I think I speak for all of us when I say that the only reason I took this job at the Buy More was to do as little work as humanly possible.
- [Jeff and Les nod]
- Morgan Grimes: The big man has made that dream a reality.
- Lester Patel: The man's an inspiration to slackers everywhere.
- Jeff: Until his old lady dumped him.
- Morgan Grimes: We're screwed! I mean screwed now that he has nothing to live for except work.
- Chuck Bartowski: Are you enjoying this whole Martha Stewart thing? I can't believe it. Please tell me you're not going soft on me.
- Sarah Walker: Just shut up and eat your breakfast.
- Chuck Bartowski: You better be careful, Sarah. One day you might actually turn into a real girl.
- Ellie Bartowski: Well, what happened, what went wrong?
- Chuck Bartowski: I guess something that's been wrong from the start. You know?
- Ellie Bartowski: Are... you guys aren't breaking up, are you?
- Chuck Bartowski: No, no, no, no, no. Trust me. Sarah's not going anywhere.
- Ellie Bartowski: Chuck, I guess I - I don't - I don't know what you're saying exactly.
- Chuck Bartowski: Look El, I know how much you love Sarah. And I know how much you love the idea of us, and us moving forward with you and Devon, but we're not anything like you guys.
- Ellie Bartowski: But you guys seem so perfect.
- Chuck Bartowski: Yeah, I know. I guess. But being in that house with her, it was so close to being perfect. The way I had pictured it would be. Then I realized what was wrong with that picture... And it was us. Sarah and I are never going to be anything more than we are now. But you know what? I'm okay with that.
- Sarah Walker: Look, we understand if this makes you uncomfortable.
- Chuck Bartowski: Breaking my fake wedding vows? Nah, forget about it. I'm golden.
- [to Casey]
- Chuck Bartowski: Just hit me with another spritz of that, would you.
- [Casey spritzes Chuck once in the face. Slight pause, then he spritzes Chuck again below the belt]
- Chuck Bartowski: Why here?
- John Casey: 'Fraid you two are going to have to drop your dating cover for this particular mission.
- Sarah Walker: No problem.
- Chuck Bartowski: What is it? Thai street racing gang, Urkranian prostitution?
- John Casey: No. No. For this mission you and Agent Walker are going to be married.
- [Casey shows them two rings and hands them over]
- John Casey: You two kids are going to the suburbs. Good luck as a normal couple.
- Chuck Bartowski: Zip it, that is your wedding craziness right there. So keep that! That's yours. We're just house sitting, it's no big deal.
- Ellie Bartowski: Okay, fine. Can we call it "Cohabitating with your longterm girlfriend in a house that doesn't have posters that were hung in the 8th grade"?
- Chuck Bartowski: [Arriving out front half dressed speaking to Sarah] You are never going to believe what happened to me over there!
- Brad: [Watching from a distance] This ought to be good.
- [pause Sarah slaps Chuck and goes inside and slams the door shut]
- General Beckman: Besides testing on humans, it appears that FULCRUM is perilously close to completing their own INTERSECT computer. Making Bartowski more important than ever! His life has never been in more danger. The honeymoon is over Agent Walker!
- Sarah Walker: Yes ma'am.
- Sylvia: Charles, I didn't expect you to come so quickly.
- Chuck Bartowski: Charles Carmichael *always* comes quickly.
- [awkward pause]
- John Casey: [over the radio] Smooth, Bartowski.
- Chuck Bartowski: Well gotta run. You know how it is the old ball and chain.
- Sylvia: Listen Charles, I just live right across the street. So... call me, when the honeymoon's over. I've got a chain too.
- John Casey: [finding a bug] Looks like one of ours.
- Chuck Bartowski: [Chuck gets a flash] Uh, correction. That *was* one of ours. That bug was stolen from a CIA substation in Omaha in '06. Now it belongs to FULCRUM.
- Sarah Walker: And here I thought we were looking for a garden variety terrorist.