Superstore (TV Series)

Customer Satisfaction (2021)

Michael Bunin: Jeff

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Quotes 

• Jeff : Now, while I'm here, I wanna make sure we're pushing our shoppers to fill out their customer satisfaction surveys.

  Sandra : Sorry, what surveys?

  Jeff : The... link at the bottom of every receipt?

  Cheyenne : Huh. Is that new?

  Jeff : No. Been there for years.

  Dina : Nobody bothers with the surveys. People only use receipts to spit out gum and for murder alibis.

• Jeff : Proposal? Someone getting married?

  Mateo : Uh, yeah... Uh, Garrett's proposing. To his girlfriend. Doreen.

  Jeff : What? Garrett, why didn't you call me, man?

  Garrett : Yeah, sorry. Uh, probably 'cause I've never called you before.

  Jeff : Yeah, I know. What's up with that? Anyway, congrats!

• Jeff : Wait, so what kind of problems are we supposed to be making for the customers? Like, "You guys are out of cheese" problems, or, "Oh, my God, my baby was stolen" problems?

  Sandra : So we're supposed to stash a bunch of stolen babies in the back? Gross. Well, actually, I don't think it's that gross. Wait, do I want kids?

• Jeff : So the store will be closed for a few days to repair all the water damage. That's not good for quarterly numbers! Not to mention all the customer complaints we're getting about being splashed with "pee-pee water." And most are negative! Some people were into it.

  Dina : Mm. What a mess, huh? We don't even really know what happened, but it did start in the customer bathroom, so talk to them about their diet, I guess?

  Jeff : So I should tell corporate that their plumbing got wrecked because a customer ate and pooped out a whole salami and a complete set of shot glasses?

  Dina : Hey, things can come out of your butt that didn't start in your mouth.