- Raymond Holt: At 3:30 am this morning I seem to have sent Kevin a digital phallus portrait.
- Rosa Diaz: A digital phallus portrait, what's that? Oh no! You sent him a d**k pic.
- Raymond Holt: Why did I send Kevin an obscene picture?
- Rosa Diaz: Relax. It's not a big deal. You were just flirting.
- Raymond Holt: No, if I were flirting, I would have sent him a scatter plot of educational attainment versus caloric intake in Jacobin France.
- Jake Peralta: When I had lice in the fifth grade, my mom put a bunch of maple syrup in my hair and it smothered them to death, it was actually kind of cool. You could hear their tiny screams.
- Scully: [Santiago and Peralta enter the police station wearing shower caps because they have put maple syrup in their hair, trying to get rid of lice] Oh, Amy, what is that enchanting new perfume?
- Amy Santiago: It's syrup, Scully.
- Scully: [sexually aroused] And it is working. Hmm-hmm.
- Amy Santiago: [Jack and Amy are desperately looking to hire a babysitter] Ooh, we already have three applicants.
- Jake Peralta: Great. Hire them.
- Amy Santiago: I think we should interview them first.
- Jake Peralta: But what if they're bad?