Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV Series)

Renewal (2021)

Andy Samberg: Jake Peralta

Photos 

Quotes 

• Jake Peralta : [to Holt]  You have no idea what it's like taking off bras. You had it so easy growing up gay!

• Jake Peralta : [Holt and Jake are going undercover on a mission]  Okay, if we wanna get past O'Sullivan's ma, we need undercover personas. I'm thinking you will be Maxwell Maxwell, international playboy and black ops specialist. He'd had affairs on every continent, but his true mistress is danger.

  Raymond Holt : I thought you learned your lesson about turning police work into movies.

  Jake Peralta : Yeah, I did, but this is a movie about reform. I mean, isn't that a movie you'd wanna see?

  Raymond Holt : The only movie I wanna see is called "The World of Mosses." It's a documentary about the world of mosses.

  Jake Peralta : It sounds bad.

• Raymond Holt : When we originally wed, we didn't know how long gay marriage would be legal, so we had a somewhat rushed ceremony. Kevin has always regretted it, so we're having a vow renewal ceremony. This time, we're pulling out all the stops. It's will be a truly extravagant affair.

  Charles Boyle : Oh, how extravagant are we talking? Champagne pyramid?

  Terry Jeffords : Destination wedding?

  Jake Peralta : Celebrity officiant?

  Raymond Holt : We got the salad forks! Can you believe it, a second fork? Who do we think we are?

  [Everyone is left speechless] 

  Raymond Holt : Oh no, you're shocked at how garish it is. Now I don't even want to tell you the other surprise I have in store for Kevin.

  Jake Peralta : Wait, let me guess -- you're getting bread plates?

  Raymond Holt : Don't be absurd; we're not crazy. No, the big surprise is I'm retiring from the NYPD.

  Terry Jeffords : Wait...

  Charles Boyle : What?

  Jake Peralta : Why did you lead with the salad forks?

• Jake Peralta : Amy would never fudge numbers. She loves numbers. Sometimes I think she loves them more than me.

  [Angrily] 

  Jake Peralta : Stupid numbers, think they're so great. I'd love to see numbers give you a baby.

• Amy Santiago : I would never fabricate numbers. I love numbers.

  Jake Peralta : Numbers can't be a father to your child, Amy.

• Jake Peralta : Okay, to get into the basement, we're gonna have to distract her, so here's what I'm thinking. Maxwell Maxwell turns on the charm. Unbutton your jumper and say, "The thing about gas lines is, "the pressure builds and builds and it just needs a little... release."

  [moans] 

  Jake Peralta : You don't have to make that sound, but if I were you, I definitely would.

  Raymond Holt : No one will be talking about release or making the sound of a rodent in labor.

  Jake Peralta : It was a sensuous moan, but fair enough.

• Raymond Holt : How can you not know your own wife's phone number?

  Jake Peralta : It's saved in my phone. Stupid smartphones, making me so dumb by giving me the world's knowledge at my fingertips.

  Raymond Holt : Well, I don't know anyone's phone number either, except for Kevin's, and obviously, we can't call him.

  Jake Peralta : How do you not know a single phone number? I've literally watched you memorize the entire terms and conditions agreement for a credit card.

  Raymond Holt : True, but to make room for important information like that, I regularly purge my brain of useless facts like phone numbers or the names of people's children.

• Kevin Cozner : Ah, hello. Thank you for coming early to help out. There's a lot to do since we decided to go so over the top. I mean, look at the napkins. We're going with a pretty whimsical fold... lengthwise.

  Jake Peralta : That is... funny.

  Kevin Cozner : [Upset]  The intent was whimsy, not humor. Now you have me doubting everything.

• Jake Peralta : Iknow that when things are hard I talk them through with Amy. And just being with her, looking into her eyes, everything that seems so complicated becomes simple. And then I just know.