"How I Met Your Mother" As Fast as She Can (TV Episode 2009) - Neil Patrick Harris as Barney Stinson

Barney Stinson : Can't talk my way out of a speeding ticket? Can't talk my way out of a speeding ticket? I am Barney Stinson, master of manipulation. If I can talk a stripper to pay me for a lap dance, I can talk my way out of a speeding ticket. Challenge accep... wait for it...

[Points at Ted]

Ted Mosby : I don't get it.

[Barney points to head in "think about it" gesture]

Ted Mosby : Oh, accep-ted!
Barney Stinson : Give it a week. You'll get her back. And her front. Oh! Did you feel that? It felt like a what-up quake.
Marshall Eriksen : He's rich? Please tell me he wrote you a big, fat check. A check so fat, it doesn't take its shirt off when it goes swimming.

Barney Stinson : That is a big, fat check. A check so fat, after you have sex with it, you don't tell your buddies about it.

Robin Scherbatsky : A check so fat, when it sits next to you on an airplane, you ask yourself if it should have bought two seats.

Marshall Eriksen : That is...

Barney Stinson : A big, fat check!

Ted Mosby : Yeah, he didn't write me a check.
Robin Scherbatsky : [after Barney's story of how a female officer stripped for him] No, false! Did not happen!

Marshall Eriksen : That was a line from a porno. I've seen that porno. Hell, I've made that porno.

Barney Stinson : When will you learn that the only difference between my life and porno is that my life has better lighting?

Neil Patrick Harris: Barney Stinson