The Hangover Part II (2011)
Zach Galifianakis: Alan
Photos
Quotes
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Stu Price : [to the lyrics of "Allentown"] Well, we're living here in Alan Town / And he's driven our lives into the ground / When we woke up we were wasted and drunk / Phil got shot... / We got beaten by a monk... / I was happy and my life was good / Getting married like a dentist should / Roasting marshmallows on a stick / I got fucked in the ass... / By a girl with a dick...
Alan : Ha ha ha, I remember that.
Stu Price : And we're living here in Alan Town / But they're taking Teddy's finger now... / And I'm pretty sure I'm gonna lose my shit /... and shoot Alan in the face /... and shoot myself.
Alan : You totally butchered that song.
Stu Price : You totally butchered my life.
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Alan : [confused upon seeing a naked hermaphrodite] I don't get it. Is this a magic show?
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Alan : When a monkey nibbles on a penis, it's funny in any language.
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Alan : I wish monkeys could Skype. Maybe someday.
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Alan : I'm a stay at home son.
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Kimmy : This one was following me like little puppy dog all around, all night, saying that he fall in love with me, asked to marry me.
Alan : Classic Stu.
Kimmy : I dance for him, he tickle me, we have sex...
Phil : You're not married yet it's no big deal.
Stu Price : It's cheating. No offense to you, you're a lovely woman, it's a violation of my moral code.
Kimmy : What code is that? Stu you loved it, you were crying saying how special it was. I had to slow down so I didn't drop my load too quick.
Stu Price : Load?
Alan : What load?
Kimmy : Oh you know, my sperm.
Stu Price : That is wrong, you're talking about my sperm. Where would your sperm come from?
Kimmy : My balls. You're in Bangkok, there's a reason they don't call it Bangcunt!
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Alan : I am a nurse, just not registered.
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Alan : [to Teddy] Sit down i got this. Sit down boy. That was a great speech sir. I like the comparisons between uh Stu and Rice. I've also prepared a few words. Hew everybody here are some fun facts. The population in Thailand is 63 million people. It is twice the size of Wyoming. It's chief exports are textiles, footwear, and rice. Each year approximately 13,000 people are killed in car accidents in Thailand. The climate in Thailand is...
Doug : Alan why don't you skip to the last card there buddy
Alan : Ok, sorry.
[Flips through about 5 or 6 cards]
Alan : None of you know Stu like I do. Not you, not you, not you, not you, not nobody knows Stu like i do. No one. I can't even tell you what we've been through because we made a pact more important than blood. What i can tell you is this, this is not Stu's first marriage. There was a whore in Las Vegas a couple years ago...
Phil : All right time's up. You can sit down now bud. You can sit down.
Alan : It was good. I did good though.
Phil : Oh God you killed it.
Alan : OK thanks Phil.
Alan : Sit down, yeah
[applause]
Alan : [to Teddy] In your face.
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Grand Wizard : Perhaps you should bring your question to the Garden of Meditation.
Phil : Did you understand a word he just said?
Stu Price : Yeah I understood about two thirds. He said something about the Garden of Meditation.
Alan : No he said he's farting because of his medication.
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Alan : What? It's a bag of Fanta!
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Alan : Oh, my word!
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Alan : What the crud?
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Alan : [as they are walking through the temple] What is this, a PF Changs?
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Alan : I'm actually a part of this weird wolfpack. Hey, it's not weird it's pretty cool actually, no membership fees.
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Linda Garner : [Enters] Excuse me boys
Doug : Hi Linda
Linda Garner : Hi Dougie
Alan : I guess we don't do dessert any more, I didn't get that memo
Linda Garner : Well I'm sorry darling, I'll be right back
Alan : Would a cupcake kill you?
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Alan : When a monkey nibbles on a penis it's funny in any language!
