Barney's Version (2010)

Paul Giamatti: Barney Panofsky

Photos 

Quotes 

• Barney Panofsky : ...and I'm just gonna keep talking here, 'cause I'm afraid that if I stop there's gonna be a pause or a break and you're gonna say 'It's getting late' or 'I should get going', and I'm not ready for that to happen. I don't want that to happen. Ever.

  [they pause] 

  Miriam : There it was. The pause.

  Barney Panofsky : Yeah.

  Miriam : I'm still here.

• Miriam : We can be friends now, can't we?

  Barney Panofsky : No. We can't.

  Miriam : I'm here for you if you'll let me. We had a beautiful marriage, but it's over. I want you to be at peace with that.

  Barney Panofsky : Have I ever given up when it comes to you?

  Miriam : Never.

  Barney Panofsky : So what makes you think I would start now?

• Miriam : We were just gonna throw some burgers on the barbecue. Do you want to join us?

  Blair : I'm a vegan. But thank you.

  Barney Panofsky : A what? Is that treatable?

• Barney Panofsky : Should I sleep on the sofa?

  Miriam : Stop feeling sorry for yourself. You're not sleeping on the sofa, we don't sleep apart. Good night.

• Miriam : Really? Well, words matter. Actions matter. They have consequences. If you want people to take you seriously, then act accordingly. Do you understand me, Barney?

  Barney Panofsky : Yes

  Miriam : What am I saying?

  Barney Panofsky : Be great in act, as you have in thought

• Barney Panofsky : Don't ever tell my father what he can or cannot do again.

  2nd Mrs. P's Father : He traumatized the Rabbi's wife...

  Barney Panofsky : I don't care if he fingered her under the table. He's my father and he'll have your respect.

• [first lines] 

  Blair : Hello?

  Barney Panofsky : Blair, I'd like to speak with my wife.

  Blair : Oh, Barney, it's 3:00 in the morning.

  Barney Panofsky : Put my wife on the phone.

  Blair : She's not your wife and I'm not waking her.

  Barney Panofsky : All right. Well, then just ask her what she wants me to do with all these nude photos I have of her. Ah, come to think of it, you actually might want them, if only to see what Miriam looked like in her prime.

  Blair : [hangs up] 

• Barney Panofsky : For the first time in my life, I am truly in love.

• Miriam : Are you out of your mind?

  Barney Panofsky : No! I'm bent over backwards in love!

• Barney Panofsky : This is the paternal wisdom I'm gonna get?

• Barney Panofsky : So you fucked her?

  Boogie : It was the only thing that would shut her up.

• Dr. Morty : What kind of car do you drive?

  Barney Panofsky : Morty, that's fucking embarrassing.

  Dr. Morty : Just answer it.

  Barney Panofsky : A... you know, goddamn it... it's German... I can't even find the fucking thing. Why should I care what it's called?