Salmon Fishing in the Yemen (2011)

Conleth Hill: Bernard Sugden

Quotes 

• Dr. Alfred Jones : Did you get my email?

  Bernard Sugden : Yes. What did it say?

  Dr. Alfred Jones : Took the meeting. Waste of time as predicted. Now if you don't mind I'll get back to my work.

  Bernard Sugden : Dr. Jones.

  [holds up a document which Dr. Jones takes] 

  Dr. Alfred Jones : What is this?

  Bernard Sugden : P45.

  Dr. Alfred Jones : I'm sorry. I don't, I don't understand.

  Bernard Sugden : Oh, well, a P45 is the official document given to an employee when his services are no longer required by his or her employer.

  Dr. Alfred Jones : Yes, but Bernard, this has got my...

  Bernard Sugden : Or, you can sign this letter stating that you are delighted to assign yourself exclusively to the Yemeni salmon fishing project with immediate effect. Up to you.

  Dr. Alfred Jones : But Bernard, you know as well as I do this thing is a bloody joke. Where the hell you gonna get salmon that far...

  Bernard Sugden : [interrupts and taps the P45]  Just there.

  Dr. Alfred Jones : This is blackmail Sugden. This is a bloody outrage.

  Bernard Sugden : Fitzharris & Price will be paying your salary while on secondment. Almost double what it is now. I'd say that's a bloody outrage.

  Dr. Alfred Jones : Double. Can I have time to think about this?

  Bernard Sugden : Nope.

  Dr. Alfred Jones : Can I borrow your pen?

  Bernard Sugden : Yah. It's my special one with the italic nib.

  [Dr. Jones grabs it, scribbles his signature on the P45 and storms out] 

• Tom Price-Williams : Have you any idea what an outcry there'd be if the Environment Agency stripped British rivers of *ten thousand* salmon and shipped them off to the effing Yemen?

  Bernard Sugden : Well how many can you spare?

  Tom Price-Williams : None! Christ! Bernard. Anglers, they're obsessive crazies. You think Al-Qaeda are a threat, think again mate! I've seen a fly fisherman wade into a river and try and drown a canoeist just for passing by in a Day-Glo jacket. You haven't got a hope in hell of getting these fish from British rivers.

• Tom Price-Williams : For the last time Sugden there is absolutely no way I can get you these fish!

  Bernard Sugden : Tom, this comes from the top. The very top.

  Tom Price-Williams : I don't care if God's taken up fly fishing.

  Bernard Sugden : Now I suggest you make this work Tom.

  Tom Price-Williams : Is that a threat Sugden?

  Bernard Sugden : These are difficult days Tom. Cuts. Cuts everywhere. I don't know. Is the Environment Agency a front line service?

  Tom Price-Williams : [sighs]  It is a threat.

  Bernard Sugden : See it as an opportunity.