- John Carver: Sorry, Jessica! This year, there will be... no leftovers!
- Thomas Wright: Thanksgiving is a time for appreciation. To celebrate with the ones that we love the most. And a time for all families to be together. Let's eat.
- McCarty: Sometimes things end up much better than you'd expect. Alright? Think of it this way, when Black Sabbath fired Ozzy in '79, you would've figured it was all fucking over. The end of an era. But then comes Ronnie James Dio, all five foot nothing of him, the evil little elf, and he brought a magic to the band they hadn't seen in years.
- Kid at Party: Who's Black Sabbath?
- McCarty: Get the fuck off my property.
- McCarty's Dad: Sorry, Sheriff. My son's a fucking idiot.
- Sheriff Newlon: He's a fucking goober chucker!
- McCarty's Dad: [to McCarty, offscreen] Get in the car, you fucking idiot!
- Gabby: Okay, let's not be naive here. I mean, the nicest guys are the most psycho, they're just better at hiding it.
- Jessica: We have to stop him. This parade is our chance to catch him. If we hide, then what? I don't want to spend the rest of my life looking over my shoulder. Do you?
- [last lines]
- Sheriff Newlon: When I said your stepmother wound make a nice dinner... I wasn't kidding
- John Carver: No one appreciates subtlety anymore. To go viral, you really need to hit people over the head.