Royal Pains (TV Series)

No Man Is an Island (2009)

Paulo Costanzo: Evan R. Lawson

Quotes 

• Evan R. Lawson : Are you ready for the weekend I've basically just been waiting for my entire life?

  Dr. Hank Lawson : I have plans with Jill tonight.

  Evan R. Lawson : Take a raincheck. Here, as rainmaker, I'll issue you one. My god, this is gonna be a gigantic gig for us - and we needed a getaway anyway. It's perfect!

  Dr. Hank Lawson : We're in the Hamptons. This IS the getaway, remember?

• Rob Miller : So, you are our last-minute compromise.

  Dr. Hank Lawson : I've been called worse.

  Evan R. Lawson : At HankMed, we aim to compromise, so that's great.

  Rob Miller : That's the worst business mantra I've ever heard.

• Dr. Hank Lawson : Ah, just in time. I need your finger.

  Evan R. Lawson : Okay, I need to know where you intend to put it Ow! What the hell?

• Evan R. Lawson : Drink your juice, dude. It'll put hair on your chest.

  Arlo Grant : You need some, too.

• [Evan gets himself hired as a nanny] 

  Evan R. Lawson : I'm not a nanny, I'm a "manny."

  Dr. Hank Lawson : Oh.

  Evan R. Lawson : And look at these kids. They're housebroken, man. They're practically gonna take care of themselves, leaving me time to sign the Grants as HankMed retainees AND enjoy some fun in the sun on a lush refuge with its own zip code.

• Evan R. Lawson : There's no TV, Hank. There's no TV. Like, what're we supposed to do at night, sit around and think?

  Dr. Hank Lawson : You wanted a getaway.

  Evan R. Lawson : Well, yeah. Not with the... the sisters from The Shining.

• Evan R. Lawson : [overjoyed at bunk beds]  Oh, these beds remind me of Passaic. Remember that? Our secret space hibernation pods?

  Dr. Hank Lawson : Oh, you mean the beds we got 'cause Dad lost our house and we had to move into a cramped two-bedroom apartment?

  Evan R. Lawson : [resentfully then fondly]  It wasn't an apartment, Hank. It was the Intergalactic Starship Ranger-3, and it was awesome.

• [12-year-old Arlo gets a driving lesson] 

  Evan R. Lawson : [pointing out the stick shift in Will's truck]  See, this is the original joystick, Arlo. That's... well, not "the original" joystick, but...

  Evan R. Lawson : [catching a surprised look from Will]  As far as you're concerned.

• Evan R. Lawson : Mannies need to empower the lads in their charge. It stifles anarchy.

• Will : Why would I want to watch a TV show set in a hospital? I'm IN a hospital.

  Evan R. Lawson : Because the people in this hospital aren't all really charismatic supermodels.

• [last lines] 

  Evan R. Lawson : It is easier being big brother, I find.

  Dr. Hank Lawson : Let's agree to disagree on that, but it is exciting to see you bring a whole new skill set to our little family business.

  Evan R. Lawson : Does that mean I get a raise?

  Dr. Hank Lawson : Depends. Can you make yourself scarce tonight?

  Evan R. Lawson : For a price, Dr. Lawson, anything is possible.