The Irate Gamer (TV Series)
Jaws (NES) (2007)
Chris Bores: The Irate Gamer
Quotes
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The Irate Gamer : Time to batton the hatches. Full steam ahead. Right, Captain?
Sea Captain : Arr, me mateys.
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The Irate Gamer : So wait a minute, is this supposed to be a marina or a hooker?
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The Irate Gamer : This game is about as boring as going fishing, and I'm not talking about real fishing, I'm talking about Black Bass Fishing.
[holds up game cartridge]
The Irate Gamer : This is another game that pretty much sucks monkey ass.
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The Irate Gamer : [repeatedly stabbing Jaws with boat] This is for Jaws 2.
[stabs again]
The Irate Gamer : And Jaws 3.
[stabs again]
The Irate Gamer : And Superman IV... oops, kinda got carried away there.
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The Irate Gamer : Jaws looks like a little shrinky-dink.
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The Irate Gamer : Now while you're out at sea... Uh oh, looks like we hit something. Time to go down and find out exactly what. After diving into the ocean, we find absolutely nothing. Just what the hell did we hit? All I see are jellyfish and stingrays. So that can only mean that the game pretty much lied to us in order to get us down here. You dick!
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The Irate Gamer : [playing Black Bass Fishing] The entire point of this game is to cast out your fishing lure in hopes that you snag a fish. Now every once in a while, a fish will come by, but then it leaves just as fast as it fucking came. Come on, come on, ah! Come on, fish. Fuck! This game is terrible. How is there a market for these shitty games? Just get your lazy ass out of the house and do some real fishing! Ah, but look who's talking.
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The Irate Gamer : So at last Jaws is dead and the ocean is safe once again... well, at least until an Exxon tanker decides to drop by.
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The Irate Gamer : [shoots the dog from Duck Hunt] I always hated that dog.
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The Irate Gamer : And the worst part is, they don't even give you the option to dive down or not. They actually force you into the water. I mean, face it, at this very moment, you are this game's bitch. What if I don't want to dive into the ocean again? Or what if I always end up with a bad case of swimmer's ear? God, this game just flips my shit!
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The Irate Gamer : Although this movie may have been great, this game is terrible and should be placed at the bottom of a turd mountain.
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The Irate Gamer : After you kill enough enemies, then it's back to your ship. And your objective now is to reach this other marina. But to do that, you need to have collected five shells. If you don't have them, they tell you to fuck off and that you can't dock in their port.
