- Mr. Krabs: Back then, a Krabby Patty only cost a dime. It was a dark and evil time. I still have nightmares.
- Spongebob: Remember the day Sandy and I got married?
- Mr. Krabs: What?
- Squidward Tentacles: No!
- Patrick Star: I'm freaking out!
- Mr. Krabs: I've spent a lifetime in this restaurant, and I know there's only one way out of here.
- Patrick Star: A high school diploma?
- Mr. Krabs: And no falling asleep on the job. That means you, Squidward.
- Squidward Tentacles: What? I have never fallen asleep on duty!
- Mr. Krabs: Don't make me have a flashback.
- [Montage of Squidward sleeping on the job]
- Squidward Tentacles: All right, point taken.
- Pink: Our gums are black, our teeth are falling out / We've got spots on our back, so give it up and shout / We've got scurvy, we need some vitamin C / We've got scurvy, we need a lemon tree / We've got scurvy, we're just chillin' on the sea.
- Mr. Krabs: Squidward, I had some chores for you, but you wouldn't do them anyway.
- Squidward Tentacles: And it only took you eleventy-seven years to figure that out?
- Mr. Krabs: [On an old Krusty Krab commercial] I'm a doctor, as far as you know, and I believe Krabby Patties can add years to your life, and keep a positive attitude. So what are you waiting for? Go out and buy a Krabby Patty right now. Or a sack of Krabby Patties. Or better yet, go out and get yourself a case of the Krabbies... for your health.
- Spongebob: I get to lead? I can finally use my leader hat, and my lederhosen.
- Patrick Star: Nice.
- Squidward Tentacles: Those are just garters, you idiot.
- Mr. Krabs: Squidward, what's with the creepy smile?
- Squidward Tentacles: I was just - He he! - remembering the world before SpongeBob. Ha ha!
- Triumph the Insult Comic Dog: [to Patchy] Maybe you should consider wearing *two* eye patches. That way, you won't be able to see what's become of your life!