Bridesmaids (I) (2011)

Melissa McCarthy: Megan

Photos 

2 more photos

Quotes 

• Megan : I'm glad he's single because I'm going to climb that like a tree.

• Megan : I'm life, Annie, and I'm biting you in the ass!

  [bites Annie's ass] 

• Megan : This is some classy sh-...

  [burp] 

  Megan : I want to apologize. I'm not even confident on which end that came out of.

• Annie : Are you fucking kidding me?

  Annie's Mom : Annie?

  Annie : No, mom. Mother fucking Paris? I told you about Paris, Helen! I told you about this whole idea!

  Lillian : Annie, calm down...

  Annie : No, Lillian! What are you gonna go, you're gonna go to Paris with Helen now? What are you gonna, you guys gonna ride around on bikes with berets and fucking baguettes in the basket on the front of your bikes? Oh how romantic! What woman gives another woman a trip to Paris? Am I right? Lesbian! We're all thinking it, aren't we?

  Becca : [quickly]  I'm not.

  Megan : I was.

  Annie : Okay! Yes, we're all thinking it, right?

  Annie's Mom : Annie...

  Annie : Lillian, this is not the you that I know! The you that I know would have walked in here and rolled your eyes and would have thought that this was completely over the top, ridiculous, and stupid! Look at this shower! Look at that *fucking* cookie! Did you really think that this group of women was gonna finish that cookie? Really, and you know that reminds me actually; I never got a chance to try that *fucking* cookie!

  [storms off] 

• Megan : It's coming out of me like lava!

• Annie : Hi, I can't get off the couch. I got fired from my job, I got kicked out of my apartment, I can't pay any of my bills, my car is a piece of shit, I don't have any friends...

  Megan : [gets right in Annie's face]  You know what I find interesting about that, Annie? It's interesting to me that you have absolutely no friends. Do you know why that's interesting? Here's a friend standing directly in front of you, trying to talk to you, and you choose to talk about having no friends.

• Annie : [discussing puppies]  How many of those did you take?

  Megan : I took nine. I took nine. Yeah. I did slightly overcommit to the whole dog thing. It turns out I'm probably more comfortable with six.

• Helen : [the women are discussing bridal shower ideas]  We should throw some ideas around. See if anyone else has a theme they have in mind, or something they'd been thinking of.

  Becca : What about a Pixar themed shower? And we all come dressed as our favorite Pixar character?

  Megan : That, and I'll just snowball on top of that, also Fight Club. Female fight club. We grease up, we pull in. Lillian doesn't know, so it's, "Surprise! We're going to fight!" We beat the shit out of her. She's not going to forget that.

• Megan : I fell off a cruise ship, but I'm back

  Annie : Oh, shit.

  Megan : Yeah, "oh shit." Took a hard, hard, violent fall. Kind of pinballed down. Hit a lot of railings, broke a lot of shit. I'm not going to say I survived, I'm going to say I thrived. I met a dolphin down there. And I swear to God, that dolphin looked not at me, but into my soul, into my goddamn soul, Annie. And he said, "I'm saving you Megan." Not with his mouth, but he said it, I'm assuming, telepathically.

• Megan : Come on, fight! Fight me. Fight for your shitty life!

• Annie : [noticing Helen holding back laughter]  What's so funny?

  Megan : [Barely able to control laughter]  I put a, uh, a loaded gun in Dougie's carry on. TSA is gonna... just rip his ass apart.

  [Snorts & then starts laughing]