Royal Pains (TV Series)

Am I Blue? (2009)

Paulo Costanzo: Evan R. Lawson

Quotes 

• Evan R. Lawson : So, uh... I... I need your help.

  Dr. Hank Lawson : Does it involve a paternity test, an arrest warrant, or a hit man?

  Evan R. Lawson : [laughs]  No, not... no, this time, no.

• Evan R. Lawson : It's amazing. You can actually sew up a human being but you can't wrap something with parallel sides.

  Dr. Hank Lawson : You know, I went to medical school, not the American Academy of Gift Giving.

• Divya Katdare : Well, that man is offensive.

  Evan R. Lawson : That man is a role model.

  Divya Katdare : He's YOU, uninterested in anything beneath a woman's surface.

  Evan R. Lawson : I TRY to see beneath their surface. That's why I stare so hard.

• Ana : [reading Evan's business card]  "HankMed." You're the doctor?

  Evan R. Lawson : No. I'm who the doctor works for.

• Evan R. Lawson : Enjoy my beach. Actually, if you look, it's famous for its, uh...

  [Ana removes her top, exposing her breasts] 

  Evan R. Lawson : ...double dunes.

• [By sitting on the beach topless, Ana is unknowingly making it difficult for Evan to be just her friend] 

  Evan R. Lawson : You know, Ana, um... Um, you should really put something on, um, just because... It's not that it's making me uncomfortable and anxious. It's just that the sun and your fair skin, it's just making me, you know, excited - eh, WORRIED is the word I'd use, really, um - and you're also a police officer, and a giant spider.

• Evan R. Lawson : Oh, by the way, that girl I asked you for the advice about? Took her to the beach and, though I was completely just trying to be friends with her, she took her top off - 'cause she's, like, Polish - and she turned blue. Like, literally, her entire body turned blue like a filthy Smurfette.

  Dr. Hank Lawson : You went to the beach with a naked blue girl?

  Divya Katdare : She turned blue afterwards, actually.

  Dr. Hank Lawson : Okay. I'm clearly hallucinating. Good night, good morning, and good luck.