- Gracie Allen: I bought two lovely pairs of brown leather shoes, and two beautiful navy blue dresses with white lace collars, and two hats exactly alike, and two red blouses.
- Peter the Waiter: Mrs. Burns, why do you buy two of everything?
- Gracie Allen: To make my husband happy.
- Peter the Waiter: I beg your pardon?
- Gracie Allen: Well, you see, when I come home with a lot of packages, he always says, "Gracie, send half of them back." So I do!
- George Burns: Well, Gracie's got another surprise for me. Since we've been in New York she's done nothing but surprise me. First day she bought a white dress, and the second day she bought a blue dress, and the third day she bought a green dress. So I told Gracie, instead of spending all of her time shopping, she ought to go around and see some of the sights. So she finally took my advice; the next day she bought a black dress and went to Grant's Tomb.
- Ronnie Burns: I don't want to do comedy, I wanna take a crack at serious drama.
- Gracie Allen: But Ronnie, we've done comedy all our lives and we're proud of what we've done, and we thought you were too. Well, all our lives we've hoped and dreamed that someday you'd join us. Well, this comes as quite a shock. I - I don't know what to say.
- Ronnie Burns: Dad, did you hear that? What a reading, what feeling, what emotion! What a dramatic actress she might have been if you hadn't put her in comedy.
- Gracie Allen: Really, Ronnie?
- Ronnie Burns: Sure, mother!
- Gracie Allen: Oh, George Burns, you ought to be ashamed of yourself! You've wrecked my career!
- George Burns: The biggest surprise I ever got was last Saturday. I asked Gracie to do a couple of things for me cuz I had to go downtown. I said, "Gracie, put this ribbon in the typewriter and sew this zipper on my slacks." When I came home, I couldn't believe my eyes. She put the ribbon in the typewriter and sewed a zipper on the slacks! You know, if she continues making mistakes like that, we won't have a television show!
- George Burns: Ronnie, you don't have to knock yourself out. If you want to get into showbusiness and you want a little experience, you can come on our television show.
- Ronnie Burns: But you - you do a comedy show.
- George Burns: Well?
- Ronnie Burns: If I got laughs, all my time at the Pasadena Playhouse would be wasted. I could never face those kids again!
- George Burns: Um... laughs are no good?
- Ronnie Burns: I know it's hard for you to understand, Dad, but I want to be something worthwhile. I don't want comedy. Laughs have ruined a lot of actors - look what it's done to you!
- [George gets up and studies himself in the mirror]
- George Burns: Solid gold collarpin, silk tie, monogrammed shirts, never out of cigars. If you're gonna be ruined, that's the only way!
- Gracie Allen: [to Ronnie] I know showbusiness will be just as good to you as it has been to your father and me!
- George Burns: He doesn't mean comedy showbusiness. He wants to be a dramatic actor. He doesn't want to be funny, doesn't wanna get laughs.
- Gracie Allen: Wonderful! That means you can step right into your father's shoes!
- Velma Rogers: So you're Ronnie's mother. It's hard to believe - you look so young!
- Gracie Allen: Well, thank you!
- Velma Rogers: I'm sure people must mistake you for sister and brother.
- Gracie Allen: Well, I have been taken for Ronnie's sister - but never his brother!