Quotes
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Finn Hudson : What are you doing here? Did you already move in?
Burt Hummel : No, your mom invited me. She thought you and I could have a man-to-man.
Finn Hudson : Good, you know, 'cause I got a lot to say about this. So...
Burt Hummel : Well, I don't, so let me go first. You're pissed, I get it. You know, your dad is a hero; not only to the world for what he did in Desert Storm, but he's a hero to you. No way I can fill his shoes. It's just, you know... I love your mom. She's like this angel that, you know, came down to wake me up after all these years, and I swear to you, I will never hurt her, I will always take care of her. And I can't be your dad, but I will be her hero for as long as she'll take me.
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Burt Hummel : [watching a basketball game with Finn] You know, I hate Duke like I hate the Nazis.
Finn Hudson : Tell me about it.
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Burt Hummel : [finding Kurt taking down color swatches from his wall] Hey. You finally choose one?
Kurt Hummel : No. They're all wrong.
Burt Hummel : Well, they all look like gray to me.
Kurt Hummel : Well, maybe if they were different colored sports uniforms, you'd work harder to try and tell them apart.
Burt Hummel : I knew it. I knew when I started in on the football with Finn, you'd take it personal.
Kurt Hummel : How could I not, dad? When was the last time you were that engaged in a conversation with me?
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Burt Hummel : I'm sorry, I don't know what you want here.
Kurt Hummel : What I want is for you to appreciate how hard it is for me to watch you bond with the son that you've obviously always wanted.
Burt Hummel : Oh, suddenly I'm not the guy who sat through Riverdance three years in a row? Look, Kurt, I love you, and I am sympathetic to all your stuff, but come on, buddy, we got a deal here, right? I don't try to change you, you don't try to change me. You are my son, and a little guy talk with some other kid isn't gonna change that.
Kurt Hummel : [hurt] Guy talk? I'm a guy.
Burt Hummel : Well, come on, you know what I mean.
Kurt Hummel : Maybe I was wrong. Maybe it is too soon for you to start getting serious with someone.
Burt Hummel : Your mom's been dead eight years, you know that.
[as Burt stands to leave, a tear rolls down Kurt's cheek]
Burt Hummel : Why'd you fix me up with Carole, huh? Wasn't it to make me happy? 'Cause that's what you told me.
Kurt Hummel : Can you go now? I'm a half hour behind on my moisturizing routine, and I need to get up early.
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Finn Hudson : What the hell's going on with our parents? How did this happen? When did they even meet each other?
Kurt Hummel : Parent-teacher conference night, about a month ago.
[flashback, with Kurt narrating in voiceover]
Kurt Hummel : I always accompany my father to those conferences, to act as translator.
Burt Hummel : How do you know this is not organic?
Kurt Hummel : Because you can see the logo. It's encrusted in the cookie.
Kurt Hummel : [v.o] Fate brought them together.
Kurt Hummel : [leading Burt over to Carole as she enters] Dad, meet Carole Hudson. Ms. Hudson, my father, Burt Hummel. You both have dead spouses. Maybe you should talk.
Burt Hummel : You know, I was just saying to a friend that acid wash is making a comeback.
Carole Hudson : Mm. Really. And who said it ever left?
Kurt Hummel : [v.o] It was an instant connection.
Finn Hudson : [return to real time] That's impossible.
Kurt Hummel : When will you learn that nothing is impossible when it comes to love? Haven't you noticed anything different about your mom? New clothes, new makeup, a haircut that doesn't look like it was styled by the Amish? Who do you think "Pretty Woman"ed her up? Has she started selling the furniture yet?
Finn Hudson : Yeah, yeah, she just got rid of her old bedroom set. And she tried to sell my dad's chair, but I stopped her. How do you even know that?
Kurt Hummel : People our parents' age don't wait around for love to bloom. They know what they want. I guess you and I will be roommates, with mom and dad cohabitating upstairs by midterms.
Finn Hudson : No way.
Kurt Hummel : Give in to the inevitable, Finn. I want us to decide how to redecorate our room together. That's why I asked you about the swatches. And don't sweat that old chair. I have a lovely chaise picked out.
Finn Hudson : Look... look... screw your... your swatches and your... your "chez".
Kurt Hummel : Chaise.
Finn Hudson : Whatever, okay? Look, I... I like my house. I'm not moving in, and she's not selling that... that damn chair.
