Photos
Quotes
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Kurt Hummel : We have to break up our parents immediately. I screwed up. I feel like the guy who set up Liza and David Gest.
Finn Hudson : It hurt you, didn't it? When I was talking sports with your dad and stuff. I could tell that you were...
Kurt Hummel : Left out? Invisible? Yeah.
Finn Hudson : I don't like that my mom's forgetting about my dad. It's up to me to keep his memory alive, and I don't want to move in with you. No offense.
Kurt Hummel : None taken. So we put an end to them. Agreed?
Finn Hudson : Agreed.
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Burt Hummel : [finding Kurt taking down color swatches from his wall] Hey. You finally choose one?
Kurt Hummel : No. They're all wrong.
Burt Hummel : Well, they all look like gray to me.
Kurt Hummel : Well, maybe if they were different colored sports uniforms, you'd work harder to try and tell them apart.
Burt Hummel : I knew it. I knew when I started in on the football with Finn, you'd take it personal.
Kurt Hummel : How could I not, dad? When was the last time you were that engaged in a conversation with me?
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Burt Hummel : I'm sorry, I don't know what you want here.
Kurt Hummel : What I want is for you to appreciate how hard it is for me to watch you bond with the son that you've obviously always wanted.
Burt Hummel : Oh, suddenly I'm not the guy who sat through Riverdance three years in a row? Look, Kurt, I love you, and I am sympathetic to all your stuff, but come on, buddy, we got a deal here, right? I don't try to change you, you don't try to change me. You are my son, and a little guy talk with some other kid isn't gonna change that.
Kurt Hummel : [hurt] Guy talk? I'm a guy.
Burt Hummel : Well, come on, you know what I mean.
Kurt Hummel : Maybe I was wrong. Maybe it is too soon for you to start getting serious with someone.
Burt Hummel : Your mom's been dead eight years, you know that.
[as Burt stands to leave, a tear rolls down Kurt's cheek]
Burt Hummel : Why'd you fix me up with Carole, huh? Wasn't it to make me happy? 'Cause that's what you told me.
Kurt Hummel : Can you go now? I'm a half hour behind on my moisturizing routine, and I need to get up early.
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Kurt Hummel : New Directions is clearly a club with a dearth of direction. Rachel and Jesse refuse to accept that all of us would rather die before we allow them to become the next Beyoncé and Jay-Z. And Finn's mother's romance with my father is sending him into a wholly unnecessary tailspin of despair. What we all need right now is to explore the idea of a sense of place and how, if we find that place within, we will get that happy ending.
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Finn Hudson : What the hell's going on with our parents? How did this happen? When did they even meet each other?
Kurt Hummel : Parent-teacher conference night, about a month ago.
[flashback, with Kurt narrating in voiceover]
Kurt Hummel : I always accompany my father to those conferences, to act as translator.
Burt Hummel : How do you know this is not organic?
Kurt Hummel : Because you can see the logo. It's encrusted in the cookie.
Kurt Hummel : [v.o] Fate brought them together.
Kurt Hummel : [leading Burt over to Carole as she enters] Dad, meet Carole Hudson. Ms. Hudson, my father, Burt Hummel. You both have dead spouses. Maybe you should talk.
Burt Hummel : You know, I was just saying to a friend that acid wash is making a comeback.
Carole Hudson : Mm. Really. And who said it ever left?
Kurt Hummel : [v.o] It was an instant connection.
Finn Hudson : [return to real time] That's impossible.
Kurt Hummel : When will you learn that nothing is impossible when it comes to love? Haven't you noticed anything different about your mom? New clothes, new makeup, a haircut that doesn't look like it was styled by the Amish? Who do you think "Pretty Woman"ed her up? Has she started selling the furniture yet?
Finn Hudson : Yeah, yeah, she just got rid of her old bedroom set. And she tried to sell my dad's chair, but I stopped her. How do you even know that?
Kurt Hummel : People our parents' age don't wait around for love to bloom. They know what they want. I guess you and I will be roommates, with mom and dad cohabitating upstairs by midterms.
Finn Hudson : No way.
Kurt Hummel : Give in to the inevitable, Finn. I want us to decide how to redecorate our room together. That's why I asked you about the swatches. And don't sweat that old chair. I have a lovely chaise picked out.
Finn Hudson : Look... look... screw your... your swatches and your... your "chez".
Kurt Hummel : Chaise.
Finn Hudson : Whatever, okay? Look, I... I like my house. I'm not moving in, and she's not selling that... that damn chair.
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Kurt Hummel : Oh, Finn, I wanted your opinion on this. It's a swatch board. I'm redecorating my bedroom. Kind of going for a hunting lodge meets Tom Ford's place in Bel Air. I was hoping you could help me out with the hunting lodge part.
Finn Hudson : I live in a closet. There's cowboy wallpaper on the walls.
Kurt Hummel : Oh...
Finn Hudson : [picking a swatch at random] But I guess that one's nice.
Kurt Hummel : Toile? I always pegged you as a chinoiserie type.
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[first lines]
Sue Sylvester : Ladies, what we have here is a grade "A" dilemma. Mercedes, your vocal chords have had more fantastic runs than a Kenyan track team, but that look simply will not do. At first, I thought it was a subtle homage to yours truly, but now I fear it's some kind of ironic comment.
Mercedes Jones : Ms. Sylvester, I'm just not comfortable in those Cheerios skirts. They don't fit me right.
Kurt Hummel : Mercedes, you shouldn't be embarrassed about your body.
Mercedes Jones : Embarrassed? No, no. I'm worried about showing too much skin and causing a sex riot.
[they laugh and share a 'secret handshake']
Sue Sylvester : How do you two not have a show on Bravo?
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Sue Sylvester : Here's the skinny: Splitts! magazine, after much campaigning by one Sue Sylvester, has named me "Cheerleading Coach of the Last 2,000 Years". In seven days, reporter Tracy Pendergrass will arrive on campus, and my new star singer will have lost ten pounds, and be in a gender-appropriate cheerleading uniform, or she is off the team.
Kurt Hummel : Ten pounds? Are you serious?
Sue Sylvester : You could stand to lose a few, too, kiddo. You got hips like a pear.
