- George Burns: My idea of an exciting evening is to curl up in a chair with a good book and a glass of warm milk. And the excitement comes from trying to turn the pages of the book without spilling the milk.
- George Burns: [to camera] If you think I'm double-crossing Harry Morton, you're right. I know I'm acting mean but next week I come off real kind. Through the entire show I pat a little dog on the head while he's biting me in the ankle.