Gossip Girl (TV Series)

They Shoot Humphreys, Don't They? (2009)

Leighton Meester: Blair Waldorf

Photos 

Quotes 

• Blair Waldorf : I have a surprise for you.

  Chuck Bass : In that case, why are you still dressed?

• Blair Waldorf : Who's your escort?

  Jenny Humphrey : Jonathan Whitney.

  Blair Waldorf : Your stepbrother's boyfriend. Do you remember who my escort was?

  Jenny Humphrey : Nate.

  Blair Waldorf : Jenny, when you descend those stairs tomorrow night, everyone there will judge you based on that moment for the rest of your life! This is not like your wedding day. Cotillion only happens once. Now, you already have one strike against you because of the whole Brooklyn misfortune. And add a B+ escort and top it off with a mentor who's known more for her mug shots and topless photos on the beaches than her social graces...

  Serena van der Woodsen : Okay, you're right, Jenny, you know, you shouldn't be caught between Blair and me. It's not fair to you on your big night.

  [Blair smiles] 

  Serena van der Woodsen : She can be your mentor. It's fine.

  Blair Waldorf : [sarcastic]  How selfless.

  Serena van der Woodsen : Actually, I'm working for Congressman Tripp Vanderbilt, and I should get back to that. But you have fun tonight. These are probably the last people in New York who still think you matter.

  [goes off] 

• Blair Waldorf : Jenny, you're lucky to have me. Don't push it.

  Jenny Humphrey : Your era is over. And so is that headband.

• Blair Waldorf : [notices the stripper is wearing her underwear]  Is that pole artist wearing my Agent Provocateur corset? Just... make sure she's careful undoing the eyehooks. They pinch. I just came to grab a dress for tonight.

  [leaving Chuck and Nate amazed by her uncharacteristic serenity] 

• Kira Abernathy : [while Blair performs makeover]  I don't understand. How can you make me queen?

  Blair Waldorf : Simple. To become queen, you must take *down* the queen.

  Kira Abernathy : But... I wanna be Jenny's friend.

  Blair Waldorf : Kira, let me tell you a story.

  [waits for assistant to leave] 

  Blair Waldorf : I used to have a friend like Jenny. She was beautiful, fabulous. She let me make all these sacrifices for her. Know what I got back from that exactly? Zero. Because girls like her run emotional Ponzi schemes.

  [shakes her head] 

  Blair Waldorf : Serena will never like you the way you like her.

  Kira Abernathy : You mean Jenny.

  Blair Waldorf : Details. Now, are you ready to be queen? Or do I need to find another frog?

• Blair Waldorf : Bass? This... this is a punishable offense. And not the kind of punishment you like!

• Serena van der Woodsen : [after the trick played on them in the elevator]  Let's find Nate and Chuck and congratulate them.

  Blair Waldorf : And then torture them.